What was the last joke that was text to you ?

Question

my other half always comes home and tells me his text jokes which to be honest i dont think are very funny - what was the last text joke you were sent - 10 points best answer

Answer 1

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours

.        

  If the people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's gonna stop them.

Baseball is 90 percent mental.  The other half is physical.

No wonder nobody comes here; it's too crowded.

        

We made too many wrong mistakes.

      

      

Answer 2

just got home an found the cat dead in washin machine ....not 2 worry though he died in .....comfort

Answer 3

mine was what do you call an indian with pink hair : ghandi floss  

Answer 4

What do you call a man with no legs? Neil

lol

Answer 5

Ive just been down the garden and caught my dog sh***ng a cabbage !!!

silly thing musta thought it was a collie !

and yes i did actually LOL to this how sad am i  

  

Answer 6

there are three rings for marriage

engagment ring

wedding ring

suffering

it went something like that. I dont really remeber lol.

Answer 7

that one is good:

how to keep an idiot busy? look down vvvvv

how to keep an idot busy? look above ^^^^^

Answer 8

It's not really a joke it's just... a bear flashing you.

Hahha

Answer 9

A cat falls in a pool and a rooster laughs

It proves a wet *ussy makes a **ck happy

or something like that

Answer 10

Ghost S**T

That's the kind where you feel the **** come out, have **** on the toilet paper, but there is no **** in the toilet.

Clean ****

The kind where you **** it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Second Wave ****

It happens when you're done shitting, you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realise that you have to **** some more.

Brain Hemorrage ****

Also known as "Pop a vein in your forehead " ****. the kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke.

Sweetcorn ****

Self Explanatory

Log ****

The kind of **** that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet brush

Drinkers ****

That is the kind of **** that you have the morning after a long night of drinking - its most noticeable trait is the skid marks left on the bottom of the toilet .

"Gee I wish I could ****" ****

Its the kind of **** where you want to ****, but all you do is sit on the toilet with cramps and f**t a few times.

Spinal Tap ****

That's the one where it hurts so much coming out that you swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks **** Also known as "The Power dump"

That's the kind that comes out of your *** so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

Liquid ****

The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, spashes all over the inside of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender p**p-chute.

Mexican Food ****

A class all its own

The Crowd Pleaser

This **** is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone.

Mood Enhancer

This **** occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, allowing you to be your old self again.

The Ritual

This **** occurs at the same time time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper

Guiness Book of Records ****

A **** so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations

The aftershock ****

This **** has an odor so powerful that anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is effected.

The Honeymoons over ****

This is any **** created in the presence of another person.

Groaner

Ashit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance

Floater

Characterized by its floatability, this **** has been known to resurface after many flushes

Cliffhanger

A **** which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper

Phantom ****

This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit putting it there

Peek-a-boo-****

Now you see it, now you don't. this **** is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control

The bombshell

A **** that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to **** (i.e. during love making or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.

Snake Charmer

A long skinny **** which has managed to coil into a frightening position - usually harmless Olympic **** This **** occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinkers ****.