What will cause my soon to be ex to lose interest in me and move on? He is scaring me?

Question

It's official. I have filed for a divorce and a restraining order. My soon to be ex has been told to leave me alone by his lawyer. I avoid him and the only time I see him is a church, but try to avoild him there. Should I change churches? My children and I are very involved and have many friends at my church. My ex is very vendictive. Had a live 6 foot snake put in my house...came in the house twice after midnight. I have since had the locks changed and an alarm system put in the house. I have read different opinions about this...one don't change your routine..it will make him madder and the other is to hide? Please only serious answers. I am afraid of him but do not want to escalate this. I have talked to the police and they won't do anything until I have something in writing and can "prove" he is harrassing me.

Answer 1

I have been through this You need to do what you have to to make yourself  and family safe   Men like this  are crazy and the closer you get to the final divorce the more unpredictable  they become  Safeguard every  thing you do Take nothing for granted  Police  won t help till they do something  then it is to late It has always been a stupid rule  Men like this always  want control  and try to get  it   If you switch churches he will only find you Please check out  Oprah s web page on this subject  There  are   several  good tips and actual  stories that can help  There is a  lot of information on this site you ll need  

Answer 2

Doesn't your state allow for the immediate issuance of a protective order until the restraining order is heard in court? If so, apply for one.  If you have a protective / restraining order. Have it expanded to include your church. He should be the one looking for a new church, not the kids. If he violates the protective or restraining order, he goes to jail for contempt of court.

Make a paper trail. Report each incident to the police so there is a report. Get the business card or name and ID number of each officer you talk too. Get the case or incident number of each incident. You will need them for going to court.

Remember, not behaving himself and being a threat to you or the children is grounds for denial of visitation rights, but he will still have to pay support when he is the cause of the restraining order. The snake sure sounds like he is a danger to you and the kids. His attorney should be telling him this.

You should not have to go into hiding. He should stay away until the court date. Keep your wits and let him dig his own grave.

Answer 3

So, a 6 foot live snake isn't enough for the police to go and put him behind bars?  This world is crazy.  

Look, the man is dangerous and you need to get you and your kids away from the place where you live and make sure he can't get anywhere near you.  If that means moving a couple of thousand miles, do it.  Changing churches to avoid him isn't going to be enough.  

You have evidence that he's unstable and threatening, use it to keep him out of your lives for good.

Good luck x

Answer 4

You may want to consider moving in with a family member, and then possibly moving away altogether.  From your description, he sounds dangerous.  Anyone who would put a live snake in a house where his children live needs to be behind bars or in an asylum.

Answer 5

First may I suggest you become honest with yourself, as to why you filed for divorce,

Then write him a letter explaining this, and make you end it with please don't contact me,  unless it is through the attroney.

And make sure you state  you do not want to reconcile.

Give it to his attroney / or yours and have one of them give it to him.

also, state that you are not going to be attending church for awhile because it is just too stressfull for you

and find another church...

(if you left him for another guy,,,,, tell him)  

write this letter being totally honest and using tact/ manners

are the children both of yours?

If yes, make sure to include in the letter the kids need him to be mature, and emotional strong

good luck

Answer 6

First, congratulations on your upcoming divorce.  Will you be having a party? You should.  Second, if I were you, as much as it would hurt me, I would switch churches.  Perhaps if you're out of sight, you'll be out of mind. I'd also ask a girlfriend (an acquaintance) to take one for the team.  Women can have a strong influence over men.  If he's getting something new, he won't obsess so much over you.  Put your kiddie gloves on, this one's a live one.

Answer 7

this guy does not sound sane and his behavior is probably going to escalate.  you did the right thing by getting a restraining order.  the only problem with those things is that they only stop sane people.  crazy people don't care about restraining orders.  

however, you asked for advice, so here is what i would do.  1.  now that you have the order, see what he does now.  if he violates things in any way, call the cops..  there needs to be a valid paper trail so that action can be taken.  2.  if he makes a physical threat against you or the kids again (ie snake in house incident), i would pack the kids up in the night and move.  in this age of the internet, hiding will be hard to do, as you will always have to be looking over your shoulder.  this sounds a lot like the movie "enough" with jennifer lopez.  i might also consider some self defense classes just like he did.  some will tell you to get a gun...thing about it is, it is more likely to be used on you in a home invasion situation.