What would YOU do?? *urgent responses pref.* ?

Question

Posting again because I only got one response and would really like to know what people think... because I'm utterly confused here.

My ex boyfriend, who I was with for four years, (to cut a long, long story short) told my parents I was g*y behind my back after me trying desperately to explain to him that I just wasn't ready to come out to them. We have a few close friends who know and I was comfortable with that, but he wasn't. Last night saw him in a pub, started dancing, everything seemed okay again (I know I'm stupid) and went back to my place. Use your imagination. Heard a laugh, thought it was the bf, thought nothing of it. Then heard weird clicking sound, turned round and my sister was filming the whole thing. Why I have no idea. Ex stood up, grabbed coat, smirked and left.

My ex also started hitting me during s*x last night to make himself aroused, which has never happened before... is this normal???

They took the tape up to my parents, who went nuts. They think I have lied to them about breakup etc.

Ex is demanding that we get back with each other and is promising not to do anything else. Sis even said that she'd be okay again.

Here's the thing. I love him, and I want him back in my life. I also want the pain to go away. But at the same time, can I trust him or her again? I am prone to panic attacks if I get too stressed and I know my ex knows that also.

Please, some suggestions??

I am beginning to wonder whether I somehow deserve everything they've done, otherwise, why would they do it in the first place? I have a meeting with my lecturer on Monday and I'm scared because what if they gave him a copy of the tape of us?

Suggestions, comments, thoughts, anything? I am sick of the emotional backlog and turmoil but as I am normally a pretty emotionally stable guy, this is wrecking havoc for me.

Anyone? Please?

Answer 1

Where to start? Well first of all your sister is just plain evil for doing that to you. She and ur bf needs to understand that you should have told your parents when you were ready. not many parents are good at dealing with things like that especially if there not g*y. And when they find out like that its suck a shock they react in bad ways. Your boyfriend sounds like he used you and if i were you i wouldn't take him back. If he really loved you then he wouldn't have done that to you. you deserve better than that. If you do give him another chance just keep your guard up and be careful.

if you need to talk more..email me =]

Answer 2

Omg It really just saddens me that people go g*y,I feel sorry for your parents.

Answer 3

First beat your sister up then go to the pub and find yourself a new guy who isnt going to treat you so badly. Not only that, get with someone who isnt as immature as you make ur X sound..

=]

Answer 4

Dear Help Seeker:

I like to think of myself as a pretty proficient "advice giver"--this forum has earned me so many points because I try to remain rational and I also like to take on complex questions and make really good of them for the 'asker'

What it sounds like are a number of scenario's transpiring in your life now all at once.  This will need answers that are precise and done in an incremental fashion.

Scenario 1-Your ex betrayed your trust, decided to 'out' you to your family members, you two see each other post that happening at a pub and decide to hook-up and during the hook up, you catch your sister taping the act itself?

Lets see....I know when there is a physical and emotional attraction to people from our past--seeing them may elicit or even trigger the auto-responses that attracted us to the person in the first place.  You have to learn to be a little more discriminatory within your relations.  This person violated your trust by giving out personal information that you had not given him permission to and what did you do the other night?  You rewarded all of his negative behavior with a positive response.  He should need to earn if only 5 min of your time now because of what he told your family members.

Your sister: Depends on her age, but if she's old enough to work a camera, she's old enough to know what she taped was "private" and she needs to understand the disrespect she inflicted by intruding.  Punish her by removing the camera from her posession and tell her she will NOW need to EARN it back--it starts with an apology and should have other consequences attached.

It sounds like you are not holding people in your life accountable for their actions and everyone is just running 'rimshot' over you.  You have to develop your own self confidence in order to deal with this type of abrasive, intrusive, disrespectful behavior from others.

Scenario 2: Your ex is demanding to get you back?  HELLO--read the above, "demands" no longer work in your life, people need to earn your trust and a space in your heart--not just given carte blanche because of their infantile "demands"--tell him--it's a new you--a 2008, soon to be 2009-you and NO ONE demands anything.  Tell him you will reevaluate their relationship and if you feel it will be beneficial to your own happiness first, you MAY consider...if not, it's "friend city, dude"...like it or lump it.

Begin to have the courage to secure your own feelings, put YOU first or others won't.  These people need to see their is a "new Sheriff in town, and he's nobody's b$%^"

All the best!

Answer 5

Seems like an issue of RESPECT. He has none for you. Abusive relationships are never worth going back to/staying with the person.

Read your own post...what advice would you give? No one dies from a break-up...but, domestic violence deaths are plenty.

Wake up, you need to respect yourself,first. Next your bf needs to respect you-can't be love without respect.

Anyone comments on the tape, simply tell them that was meant to be private, not for public viewing.

Good luck.

Answer 6

If he's hitting you during s*x, please please get out now. You are in an unsafe situation and it will only get worse if you stay. Please. Get. Out. Now. While. You. Still. Can.  

Answer 7

Okay I'm not okay with the g*y thing but anyway that's your life. But please don't get back with him it hurts yes but you need to stay away from him he is no good if he liked you he would have never told your family that what a loser he is. he will treat you like trash again and make you feel like ****. and he hit you during s*x and you let him please stop!!!!! this is abuse and i don't think he should he doing that please let your pain take over and move on. Your sis is your sis just forgive her.

Answer 8

You are way too good for what has happened to you.  You don't deserve that pain and humiliation.  You need to explain to your parents what happened in all it's entirety.  It will probably be hard because you didn't want to come out to them in the first place but now that they know tell them your side.  They are your parents after all they will love you and support you.  As for your sister it's hard to believe that one's own blood would do that but she is your sibling and when you're ready you'll need to forgive her.  When you're ready of course, don't push forgiveness but don't hold a grudge either.  And seriously I can't believe you said "I love him, and I want him back in my life."  If it were me I would slap that ex to that next state and never talk to him again! No way would I let that near me again.  You will find a very nice guy who loves you for you and treats you the way you deserve.  Move on and forget about this one.  I know it will be hard, I've loved some nasty people too.  But in the end when you do find that one you love and who treats you with all the respect you deserve it will bliss.

And as for the hitting to get aroused yes that does turn some people on.  He may have just found out he likes it from a prior experience or     he was just being a jerk.  And grab a great friend you can vent to or talk about all this with.  It may help your panic attacks.

I hope this helped a little after all this is all what I would do.

Answer 9

Find a new man!!!!!!

Answer 10

dun be a homo?

Answer 11

It s kind of hard to follow....are you g*y or not? Are you unsure? Either way, if someone loves you, they wouldn't set you up like that. This is weird especially for your sister to tape this sort of thing. Do you think they just wanted proof to show your parents that you aren't really g*y? What did your parents say about your sister filming this? I would kick my sisters a** and tell him that it's over. How do you know that him wanting to get back with you isn't a setup also? Don't stres about him. It's not worth it.