What would have you done about this?

Question

Before my son was born I told my midwife and the hospital staff that I was planning to breastfeed. Well after he arrived they just gave him to me and expected me and him to know how to breastfeed. They didn't offer to have a lactation consultant to come and help me out or even offer any advice themselves. The only person I know that breastfed was on vacation so I didn't have anyone to help me out. Once I got home from the hospital my nipples were so torn up from him not latching correctly that I about gave up with breastfeeding. When I went to the health department for WIC, they offered to send a lactation consultant to my house. The lactation consultant at first was great, she got him to latch correctly and for the first time breastfeeding didn't hurt. But then she told me that when I had gave my son formula from a bottle that I had orally raped my son. I only gave him a bottle because he had dropped almost a pound in the hospital, and wasn't getting enough from me because he wasn't latching correctly. Well I decided to overlook that comment and about 2 days later my son started to have problems again. He was latching on and sucking for a few seconds and then letting go, then he would scream his little head off at me. This went on for a day and a half, I finally gave him a bottle to satisfy him. I called my consultant back and asked her what to do about him not latching on. I let her know that I had given him a bottle and she told me that by doing that I was reinforcing his bad behavior, and that I should have put him in his bassinet and let him cry. I couldn't do this to my son, it breaks my heart to let him cry for more than 30 seconds by himself. Well I stopped calling her for advice and ended up pumping and giving him my milk in a bottle, but I guess I wasn't pumping often enough because i dried up about 2 weeks ago. Should I have sent her away or continued to accept advice from her? Because I have a feeling that I would still be breastfeeding if I had her help, but her comments to me were completely heartless and rude. Would you have sent her away?

Answer 1

its very very common for babies to loose weight after you bring them home, actually up to a pound within the first week, have you heard about the La Leche League group? its a breastfeeding support group, find one in your neighborhood and get support from someone that actually will take the time and help you and the baby out, sometimes it could be solved as easily as lowering your baby higher or lower on the breast.  

Answer 2

Honestly I really would have sent her away. No one has the right to tell you that you aren't doing something right. I mean come on your son was hungry what are supposed to do starve him. He is too little to not have his milk. I know that you wanted to breastfed. But look at it like this at least he got your milk for a little while. I only got to breastfed to three and a half months because my daughter didn't want to latch on. So I am with you on your thoughts.  

Answer 3

I am so sorry that this happened to you.  It really irritates me when someone who is 100% anti-bottle let their beliefs interfere with their job!  First of all, you did the right thing by giving your child a bottle when you noticed that he wasn't getting anything to eat.  I commend you for seeking help with breastfeeding, but that woman was not the right person to help you unfortunately.  Breastfeeding should not be that difficult once you know what to do and that woman treating you the way she did didn't make it any easier to BF your baby.  As long as your baby is healthy then it really does not matter how you feed them.  You did what you could by pumping while you could and giving that to your baby.  Most likely one of the reasons why your milk dried up is because you were solely pumping.  Pumping doesn't create the same suckling action as a baby does.  Anyway, I probably would have done the same exact thing as you and stopped calling that woman for help.  After all, it seems like she didn't do much except belittle you.  

Answer 4

She was definitely horrible and I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience! Taking her emotional abuse, as a new mom at that, would not have helped at all. The more stressed out you are, the harder it is to keep your milk up.

Definitely see if there are some LLL meetings in your area. And check out kellymom.com . You can probably still breastfeed with the RIGHT help and some work.

P.S. The second time you gave him a bottle probably wasn't the best idea, but it wasn't the end of the world either. He might have been crying because of nipple confusion, but there's no way to know for sure. Regardless, you were right not to just let him cry! That's just mean!

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/adopt/index.h...

http://www.home.kellymom.net/bf/start/co...

Answer 5

I think I would have sent her away as well. The same thing happened to me in the hospital when I had my daughter no help was provided. If you felt she was being rude then you probably wouldn't have listened to her anyway.  

Answer 6

I would've told her that i was NOT going to let him cry & that i needed advice on the latch, not parenting methods. And if she still didn't help i would've called the hospital or LLL looking for a helpful LC.

What a b*tch!! I'm sorry that you didn't get enough help =[

You did what you could. God Bless

How old is your son? Maybe it's not too late.

Answer 7

You have to feed your son.  Period.  Bottle or breast doesn't matter when he's starving.  There is time to establish breastfeeding.  A bottle here or there will not jeopardize it no matter what others say.  Several days of only bottles isn't ideal when trying to establish BF.  That LC is crazy and not helping your situation.  You are trying to recover physically and are exhausted with a newborn.  You did the right thing.

The LCs I saw with my first were very pro-BF, but the next 2 I saw with my second born were more sympathetic.  Pro-BF of course, but pro-feeding primarily.  

You are doing a great job and should follow your instincts.  A mom knows best!

Answer 8

Good for you to kick her out.  Anyone making such empty comments like that is a waste of time.  You gave breastfeeding your best shot and it didn't work out.  If you're still determined to make it work, talk to the baby's pediatrician, he can prescribe medication that will help with lactation.  

Google something like 'adoptive mom's breastfeeding' to give you an idea of how this can happen even if you've already dried up.

Answer 9

absolutely! you needed help not  a breastfeeding n**i! (i breastfeed btw). I don't think you would have been breastfeeding still if her advice was to let him cry for food. I would've found out who her superior was and complained about her, complained to the health department and demanded someone else. And looked online and locally for alternative help. we don't have many lactation consultants in the uk but even here there are groups that you can join and stuff.

I still would complain! to advise you to let your baby cry is wrong, and the orally raping comment is a bit off too.

Answer 10

Yes, "orally rape" is awful. It isn't even at all accurate. Feeding a hungry child is like rape? PLEASE! I am massively  pro-BF, and that still really horrifies me that someone would take that approach. A good consultant won't help you by insulting you. Nor will they tell you the right thing to do is put your baby down alone to cry. PLEASE complain to WIC. This woman is in effect doing the opposite of what she is supposed to do. She is alienating people when she is supposed to be doing outreach. If you can't change your situation maybe you can at least stop her from treating other people like this. Call and ask who her supervisor is, and then send a version of what you posted here to that person.

That said, you'd be surprised by how many tricks there are other than just pumping to help you lactate again if you just stopped. The goal doesn't have to be total nutrition. Even partial feeding from the breast has great health benefits to both you and your child, plus it will be a great bonding thing for you both as well. Please check out the website below for more info.

Good luck. I really feel for you. My hospital experience was awful too as far as BFing goes, and I live in an affluent area of California where I'd expect great care with an emphasis on natural health stuff. Nope.  

Answer 11

I definitely would have sent her away and reported her, but you could have gone to another lactation consultant or lalecheleague but either way don't feel bad, I had the same problem, and I have to supplement now, but you know whats best for your baby, I didn't want to have my daughter crying of hunger, I gave her a bottle. breast is best but our babies not starving is most important. Good Luck!

Answer 12

You were right in getting rid of a very narrow minded consultant.  First of all, if she was any good at what she was doing instead of telling you horrible things she would've encouraged you positively.  The biggest downfall of breastfeeding is the lack of positive support that new mothers receive.  You were great in pumping and giving him breastmilk.  Even that little bit is better than nothing.  I would recommend that next time you look for a better consultant, one that encourages and not berates you.  Plus I would never imagine ANY person saying that you should let a newborn cry it out for bad behavior!!

Answer 13

You can still get your milk supply to come back. Check out articles about "relactating". There are herbs you can take, and you can put him back on the breast to stimulate the making of milk (even though no milk will come out at first).

Also, your baby probably kept screaming because either he had gas or you had a problem with forceful letdown.

Check out www.kellymom.com.

Dont listen to that LC. You did NOT orally rape your son. You did what you thought was best for him. YOU are his mother, not anyone else and YOU make the decisions about what is best for him.

I suggest that when you DO get your milk back in, you DONT pump at all for a few weeks. Pumping creates forceful letdown and gas.

Good Luck mama! And remember, no matter what you decide - YOU are the mother and you know whats best for your baby.

Answer 14

she is being quite rude by not guiding you the whole way, if someone was to help you, they better finish it the whole way instead of holding a rope for you to climb and lets go thinking that you could climb up by yourself.  I think that you should let her know that what advise she has to give you is not helping, if she does not help you with any other suggestions, then you should talk to your/a doctor or someone medically professional to help you out fast.  That might not be much help that i advise, but i hope it worked for you. Best wishes and luck to you and your baby.

Answer 15

I think the term 'Orally Raping' your son is disturbing. I would have reported that woman and INSISTED on a new lactation consultant! And, YOU shouldn't feel bad for giving your baby a bottle. You did NOT do any 'harm' to him! He got fed, that's what is important! You would have done MORE harm had you let him continue losing weight.

What you should do now is try to 'Re-Lactate' ..

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/adopt/index.h...