What would it take my parents to change their ways of living?

Question

I just finished visiting my family in the caribbean where my family has been living for several years. The visit was not very pleasant.

My mother has 20 cats and 5 dogs of which she is unable to properly maintain but tries her best. My dad switches jobs like he does socks and currently is unemployed. They have been bickering for over 30 years and that has not changed. They don't have any money, have bad credit, don't have medical insurance, living conditions not clean and live a life of isolation. I have tried to help by sending them money, offering advice and support but nothing seems to ever change.

I know this all seems over the top but this is my reality. I don't know whatelse to do. Is there any hope for them?

I feel worried that they can not take care of themselves like adults. Is there any hope?

Answer 1

They must like the way they live if they have been doing it for 30 years. It may not be the way you would live, but it suits then just fine. Stop sending money and let them live how they want.

Answer 2

There is nothing you can do to change them.  However, you have been enabling them by sending money, advising, and supporting them.  If these were my parents, I would maintain good relations with them, but I sure wouldn't help them to go on in this manner.  If they came to me for help, I would tell them what my parents told me, "You made your bed, now you sleep in it."  That was the original "Tough Love" line.

Answer 3

Your mother has replaced your father with her animals, they fill the void that one time he filled.  They have decided how they wanted to live and there is nothing in the world you can do about that.  You need to live your life and not be concerned about what they do, remember they are adults and they have chossen what they want to do.

Answer 4

Sending money won't help...just like if you gave money to charity in that way that just 'throws money at the situation' without actually solving it.

If you find some hope I would love to know because my parents are spiralling downward, too. My sister and I tried to do something about it and now just try and accept it. But that is hard..don't think we will ever be able to fully. The great thing is my partner does. He is ok with it and says everyone's family is dysfunctional in some way.

Yeah I just wish mine were less obvius about it! Good luck to you. They are just human and make mistakes like everyone else. Be glad it hasn't rubbed off on you ;-)

Answer 5

Dear V , just help and support them how much you can .........because they will die one day then u will come oknw wat u have missed , so jst serve them as u can .!!

Answer 6

It's been this way for 30 years?   You've missed the point, sweetie.  They, repeat THEY like it that way.  That you don't is just too bad.  Accept it.

Hope?  Hope for what?  That they live the way YOU want the to?   Grow up.  They have.  geezz.

Answer 7

Stop sending them money and feeling sorry for them. They were here before you and they like the way they live. If they didn't, they would change it. You are out of the nest and now it is time for you to make your own nest. Do you know the way you want to live? I'm sure you know how you don't want to live. You can live your life however you want and so can they. Just stay out of it. Make your own way.