What would this be called?

Question

I have been friends with a man, considerably older, I have never expected anything from him but to spend some time with me, which when he has it he spends it with me. Over the last two years I have helped him through his divorce and three different residencies that I myself have made into homes for him. I know that he has other women, this really does not bother me, I encourage it. What I cannot seem to wrap my mind around is that in the past two years when things get to a point that I know I cant handle i.e his behavior of pushing me away, saying things in a rude manner or his behavior peaks to a point that I just dont want to deal, I walk away. Now I have done this at least 4 times and the most recent was 2 weeks ago. On this particular episode I was just on the verge of breaking down and all I needed was a friend to sit with me until I calmed down and what happened was instead of him helping he made it about him. I threw his key at him and told him that he would never be able to help me as I have helped him, held my head up high and walked out of his house, never once looking back. I was so low at this point that I decided to go onto a personal dating service just for attention(bad I know) but about 4 days into my new quest I received a text message from him asking me why I was on it. I did not answer. He called. Did not answer. Two days later ran into him at a stop light and he called. Did not answer so he kept calling so I answered and he starting talking to me like nothing had happened. He told me that he wanted to see me so that we could at least talk. When I met him at his house he stood there and told me that he did not want to lose me as his friend that he missed me. Then 2 days later he asked me to take my key back. Since then the last 9 days have been different he has asked me to come up and have coffee 3 mornings in a row this week and even though his scheadule is tight this weekend he still says that he wants to make time for me. I am confused on what to think about this and suggestions?

Answer 1

Hi Tammy,

I appericate I dont know you nor the male involved but this just sounds like grief.

My suggestions is walk-on-by, dont contact him and go your seperate ways.

It is obvious from your question that this male has upset you in his behaviour, you dont need that in life.

Also remember the goldern rule

## LOOK AFTER NUMBER 1 ##

Number 1 = YOU !

Good Luck !

Gaz x

Answer 2

well he is obviously trying to make up for lost time with you, if he hasnt apologised yet for what he did, his got to swollow his pride and say his sori, he obviously cares about you, and your a good friend to him, you help him out when you can, i hope it all works out for you both

from a good friend

Answer 3

really change your number and don't talk to him. this will be a recycled thing over and over

Answer 4

This is a friendship. Did you want more? Did you think HE wanted more?

I have a buddy that is very much like this and when we get mad at each other and quit talking for a day or 6, one of us calls the other and starts talking on things that work for OUR friendship.... Neither of us want to make the other uncomfortable or mad, so we keep things light until we get back to normal and have forgotten what we were fighting for.  

Answer 5

dh

Answer 6

well it sounds like in a weird about normal guy way he is either telling you he likes you as more than a friend or either he just really really misses you and doesn't want to lose your friendship.

Answer 7

Give it a little more time to see if he stays "different".  He may revert to his old habits as soon as he feels sure of you.  If he does, he's had his chance, and you really, really need to eliminate him from your life.

Answer 8

From my experience, most men do not do emotional well.  They cant handle their own emotions half the time never mind a womans.  Just by what you have said it sounds like he may feel bad that he didnt help you in your time of need, but because he is a man he will never say it out loud.  I don't agree with his rude behavior,  but you have been friends for a long time,  You may want to give him a chance.  (sometimes I have trouble talking to my own husband about stuff he is not the most sensitive person)  He obviously wants to still be friends give him the benefit of the doubt.  This is just my opinion but hope it helps.

Answer 9

He obviously values you as a friend.Now he knows how you feel, he seems to have tried to change.You couldnt get a friend better

Answer 10

Girl I didn't even have to read past the first paragraph and I Knew you were being used!!!  Stay away from this guy, make new friends.  Don't allow him to take advantage of you.  xox

Answer 11

If you think you want to try to change him, don't.  You'll both regret it.  Instead, just accept him for who he is, and don't try to over-analyze him.

You have to decide for yourself what kind of relationship you want with him.  You know him well enough by now.  Obviously he wants you at least as a friend.

(From a guy's perspective, it's all really that simple.)

Answer 12

It sounds like he's taking the absolute p*** to be honest. You should leave him to get on with whatever it is he wants, because he's certainly not making it any easier for you to find out. He doesn't deserve your help or you in his life at all. Leave him to it, i would say