What would u do with a 11 year old step daughter behaving like this?

Question

hi,i have a 11 year old step daughter who as been living with me and her natural dad now for two years,she as no contact at all from her mum as she told a lie to the police and her natural mum disowned her and moved house.when she first moved in with us i also have a 13 year old daugter all my other kids have grown up and left home ,she was a great little girl couldnt do enough for me,as the months have gone on and as a parent i have to set rules for her and when she breaks them she gets punished bed earley,books taken away ect.over the last 12 months shes stealed from my daughter,shes stealed money from a family member,she steals food,when given food she pulls her face and said when she lived with her mum she got a plate of food as big as her dad gets,i think thats the reason for her being a size 14 trouser and a 38b bust a 11 years old.recently me and her dad married and last weekend she put the washing in the machine while i nipped out shopping and when i got bk she told me she had seen somthing yellow floating around in the washer and throughout the wash she constantly reminded me that there was something in there,when i pulled the washing out it was her dads clothes she put in there and a condom came out,now the day b4 her dad worked over at work and we had a little argument but soon made it up and she said to me that if me and her dad split up she didnt want stay with him.now my husband swore down he had been at work and i checked this also he said what would he want to put a condom out of its packet in his pocket for?which was a good question,do you think it was her doing,now lately i found my pic she had ripped up and nasty letters saying she thinks im her daughter and shes trying rule my life and so on,she constantly lies ,i sent her shop a while ago and on the way bk from the shop she ate half the bread that was for tea so i sent her bed,as she had already ate the bread the next day i got a call from the school saying i sent her bed with no tea,no tv on and her dad had hit her,now after sending social services we told them to check her for marks also her dad was at work at the time,they found out she was lying.they told me to stick to my rules and tell her if shes doing all this thinking she can go back to her mum shes going no where,she carnt keep lying and moving house to house.its really hurting me i took her in as my daughter,shes treated exactly the same as my 13 yr old daugter and she behaves like this.she constantly creaps around the house ear wigging into our conversations.she is boy crazy and carnt be trusted to go out as again she doesnt come home on time and is flopping her b***s out to boys which is worrying in case it leads to further things as she as already started her periods when she was 9.anyone advise.when we approach her she says sorry i wont do it again and a few days later we are here again with the same problems anyone advise me plzzzzz????

Answer 1

Yeah right you're pathetic it's not child abuse, I really don't know why people jump to those sorts of conclusion... Where I come from it's called discipline...

Anyway to the subject. I was 11 when I moved in with my father and his new partner. I was a brat of a child also. I think for me it was the fact that I thought this women had taken my father away from my safety net and I hated her for it. I had put her through so much and i really didn't care who I was hurting including myself. I told my counsellor's that my father had beat on me because of something stupid, when really my motive was to go away for the weekend with friends. Even when my father had already said no because my grades were bad and i had to stay home and study.

It took a traumatic event to happen to me for my to realise that there is no-one else out there that will help me get through it. The thing with my step-mother was that she was patient with me. When she pushed me to think positive i would just throw it in her face but she was very persistent, very encouraging and consistent.

i love her to bits for being patient with me and being all that she could be as a mother figure. She is very much apart of my life and i wouldn't have it any other way.

I guess what I'm trying to say hun is that all little girls always want to be daddys centre of attention not some other women. She is seeking attention and she is jealous of you. What she does need is patience, encouragement and love. Don't turn your back on her because realisticly she really does need you she just doesn't know it yet.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Where's Dad?

'cause that's whom this is really about.

That is who she is crying out to.

Unfortunately the whole bunch of you together in family counseling is

warranted at this stage.

Seek Professional Help

Answer 3

Yeahright, your answer was so ignorant. Did you even read the whole issue? The girl ate half of a loaf of bread. Would you still be hungry after that? She is not being starved at the size that she is. Anyway, mom, stick to your guns. Children need rules and discipline. DO NOT let her do what she wants.  The streets will get her and she will become a lost cause to herself and everybody else.  But you do need to seek some mental help for her.  She apparently is confused and maybe feels unwanted. She requires a lot of attention whether it's positive or negative. Have you ever just sat down and tried to talk to her about what she is doing and why she is doing it? At this point, I'm not talking about a lecture just you trying to get an understanding.  If she were in my home and continued her behavior (after all other efforts had failed), she would have to get out of my house.  I can't stand a thief.  Lastly, call on the good Lord Jesus (or whoever you believe in if you believe) to give you the strength, wisdom, and patience it's going to take not to beat her ***.  

Answer 4

i would suggest u take her to see someone so she can talk to someone....yes i mean a therapist. if u dont want to do that, then u have a few hard years ahead of u, and it will probably only get worse. there is obviously something wrong with her, resentment, she feels neglected, she hates that u have replaced her mother, she hates her mother for leaving her, she hates her father caz he remarried....who knows, but getting her to talk about it with somebody other than u or her dad will help her a lot

Answer 5

Okay your are right on some points but really you should never make a fuss over how much a child eats or what the pant size is .So she is a size 14 maybe she comforts herself with food.Pick your battles though because when it comes to weight and food its best not to be putting an 11 year old on a diet.They are really hungry and they grow really fast so eating a man sized plate sounds totally normal.Its eating seconds and thirds I would worry about.See kids are sensitive if you restrict her food she will steal food.As a way of getting back at you and also as a way of filling up her growing body.She is used to eating good sized portions now by restricting her portions your saying basically your too big and we dont approve.Size 14 is not big if she keeps growing taller.I was a size 14 at 12 and I was 5 ft 9 by 14.Everybody said I was very well porportioned.So she has b***s? She is supposed to have b***s she needs to learn to respect herself and have modesty.If I was your her I would be very unhappy though because really how do you know she is getting enough to eat for her body.She may eat alot compared to your other kids but she is probly feeling genuinely hungry not trying to be a pig or anything.The saddest thing though is how you sound.Either your at wits end or you do not have love for this child and thats so sad.I really do think that size and weight mean alot to you.It is important to watch your weight but its not a battle that you can win.She feels hungry whether you feel she should be or not.She may of stretched out her stomach in the past and now it takes alot to fill.You cannot win.Just encourage healthy choices and let her have a big plate.That does not mean to turn your kitchen into an all you can eat buffet .Just give her a big plate.She will be happier and in the end so will you.

Answer 6

Stay strong to start with, yes frustrating and hurting you but, be strong.

Rules as a kid you think are made to be broken and revel in being naughty but your new daughter seems to be taking this a step too far. when you ground her tdo you confine her to her room with no t.v? if so how long do you usually ground her for? do you stick with it or do you let her out if she 'behaves', or seems sorry? as this is not a good idea, i am very strict with my son but give him other privaledges because of this, but he knows if he breaks my rules i take away those privaledges. he also knows if he breaks my rules several time not only does he lose those for a week they go permanently. as she started her peiods young you have a teenager in a childs body, hormones are running wild and its hard to see a little girl become a woman so quickly, but again be strong,let her know the rules first then give her a curfew and if she breaks it ground her for a week, but stick with it, thats unless she gives a good enough reason to why she is late. and if she apologizes accept it whole heartedly then tell her in a firm but loving tone you accept her apology but as she seems to diregard your rules you have set in place to protect her, she will still be punished, but if she obeys your rules and does as you wish, give her a treat but one a month, make it a good one, or ask what she would like, do the same for your own daughter and she will not feel like she is being picked on eaither. i hope this helps a little.  

Answer 7

My mom's boyfriend has a daughter like that and she's the reason they haven't married yet. She probably misses her mom alot because she was mommy's girl. I would say to give her space but that's not a safe idea either. Have you taken her to counceling? Maybe if she talked about what's bothering her, that would help her out.

Answer 8

any time she does anything wrong you teach her a lesson or else she will grow up useless to the society.

Answer 9

hey, sounds like u have a lot of trouble with this girl.

i can relate a lot to this as i went through the same thing, however i was in the same position as your step daughter. a lot of this behaviour is to do with jealousy and attention seeking. when i was 11 my mum and dad went through their divorce, which i got use to the idea of having my mum to myself. when my mum found a new guy i felt like i was being pushed out and i was jealous so would do anything to get my mums attention, even if it meant acting like a brat! things will get ea slier, u just need to stop making an effort, let her do as she pleases because she will learn from her own mistakes, same as i did. if she wants a plate as big as her dads give it to her, but she will soon realise her mistake when she starts to care about her image. i did a lot of stupid things that i regret and i am sure as time goes by she will realise her mistakes. i know its hard but u need to act like u don't care what she does and soon she will give u the benefit of the doubt. she is probably upset that u are trying to replace her mum, or that is how it seems to her.

Answer 10

this is so low to deprive a little child of food. i wonder what kind of child protection services u have there. cos this is called abuse - u re abusing a little child by not giving her food. if a child was well fed a child wouldn't eat dry bread. u woman should be ashamed of yourself. or u re extremely poor and don't have money to buy enough bread? then u should inform child protection service, government will pay for the little girl's food. u re a very bad woman. but don't u worry, karma will get u sooner or later for abusing a little motherless helpless kid