What would u do with a dad like mine

Question

He was poor most of his life and so were we

Hes been very good other wise no complaints..and we didnt starve or nething

Plz guys urgent help is needed here..coz not only hes losing my respect..he becomign impossible to live with

what do u tell a guy who knows nothing ..but thinks he knows better than kids half his age

I am not doubting his life exp..kudos to him for surviving the way he did

I just mean to say ..it gets very sad and depressing seeing him get competitive abt things he has no idea abt whatsoever..Or try to do things which I at 35 left as immature almost 15 yrs ago

am i just making an issue out of nothing ..

guys ne advice ..thanx

the problem is that at 68, he still has not stopped being over aggressive and competitive..probably coz he had a hard time surviving as young boy from a poor background

the issue becomes very painful when u see him competing with u and ur friends for things like female attention..or abt knowledge of technology..or abt how much money he makes

i want to make it clear that he isnt vulgar or nething ever..but he wouldnt let go and start playing his age

I know he hasnt seen ne good life to talk of..but it gets too much to take when he tries a mental showdown with me all the time and i have to just keep mum to avoid confrontaion..which spurs him on thoughts of a false victory

Answer 1

I don't know if my answer will help, you...but...here it is:

I should start by saying that I've grown in a poor family...I was the poorest child of the class, of the building, of the children at the playground etc... and therefore I've been denied many of the things the others took as granted.

I'm 27 now, and my father still thinks that having food, cloths and a roof over your head is all that matters. And although I now have a decent salary and could help him and mom with, he refuses and prefer to make economies and.....make me presents. He also considers spending money on fruits is equivalent to spending money on sweets (an unnecessary expense).

This is to show you that I do understand your situation. My father also thinks he knows all, and even one time I told him "that's what the doctor said" and he answered "oh, what does he know" ..... it was a medical thing :D

I also have a stubborn 79 years old grandfather (my dad's father, obviously:P).....so I pretty much have an idea of what you're dealing with.

From my experience, I would say that you should not try to change your father anymore. People at his age do not or hardly ever change. A change at 68 could be determined only by something dramatical.

I also know that old people need to feel young, they need to feel appreciated,   they don't have much to look forward to, so they star looking backward .... to what they've done, to what they've accomplished ... and they need to feel glorious about that.

Imagine you're 10 - 15 years or maybe less away from death ..... Wouldn't you want to know that your life has been worthy, that you've played an important role, that what you did was important, meaningful and better than others?

What I think you should do, instead of trying to change him (mission impossible ;) ) , you'd better try giving him credit for things he did and would like to be appreciated for.....like how he was and still is a very handsome man and that you hope you've inherited this feature from him... or that even coming from a poor background he succeeded in life through hard work, intelligence and strong will, being a real man who was able to feed his family ...... or that you have some knowledge that you remember you learned from him.....or.....(I think you get the idea)...

You will see that if he feels appreciated, he won't anymore feel the need to compete with you.......And.....I hope that you do not feel the need to compete with him. You don't have to show him that you're better than him (even if you are).......and even if it might feel hard, consider it a sacrifice made out of love :).......Who knows, maybe in 30- 40 years, someone might do the same for you, too ;)

Answer 2

It's sad when we see our parents as they really are, as people. That's what happens though. I've gone through it myself.

If he's competing with you and you can see what's happening...don't compete. So what if he beleives he's right and you're wrong. Would you rather be happy or right?

THE NEED TO BE RIGHT IS A FORM OF VIOLENCE!

Answer 3

I would avoid him, he sounds like a low class fool to me and I would have a hard time being around someone like that.  No insult intended.

Answer 4

ask joe from joecall.com

Answer 5

Maybe he feels like all he has to offer is his opinion.  Talk to him about how you love him so he knows it and don't have to try to prove that he is a worthy person.  When he starts in just make a funny out of it and try to joke around and have fun.  

My dad died at age 52 when I was only 19.  Be happy you still have him to talk to.

Answer 6

poor dad=rich dad  dad is dad :)

maybe u have to try to tell him everything u wrote here straightly, u know, sometimes it helps.

several years ago i could talk so much with my dad, ask him so many things, have with him much time together - but not always i did so. i thought i'll have much more chances to do that. but today i cant do that, but i want so much. his health doesnt give us such chance. my dad is 68 years too. ur dad today  is, maybe tomorrow he will not anymore, and u'll understand that u're late. u can change name, wife, job - but dad is dad. good luck, man  

Answer 7

I think you are right for thinking that your father's actions come from his past...he probably doesn't know better. He's from a different generation...and sometimes it's hard to get people from a different era to understand things. If you plan to confront him on this issue...I would choose my words wisely. He may be offended or hurt. Just politely ask him why he acts the way the way he does. Sounds like it just maybe a late life crisis. Or maybe it helps him to feel younger.

Maybe it isn't such a big deal when you really analyze the situation.

Answer 8

Sounds like Alpha males aren't getting along! Stay away from him if it bothers you. He isn't going to change as he is a veteran and they aren't changing for anyone. Let it go! Try to focus on his good traits(if any) and try to be kind! He is your father.