What would you do? Cheating?

Question

Ok, WOW where to start? I'm just curious how many people stay with their significant other after a confirmed affair. Here's a brief description of my story...Ok, I have been married for 6 years, together for 13. I recently found out that my husband had an affair that took place about a month ago. Durring this time I spoke to a couple friends about the incodent and they gave me some additional information about him. I had susspected him of cheating on me with my cousin for 5 or so years. He always made me feel bad for bringing it up, like I was crazy and jealous. Weeeeell, my cousin admitted that they did have something going and shortly after being called out with this evidence so did my husband. Now this was about 5 -6 years ago. It was not even a year after we got married and while I was pregnant with our son to make matters worse. And these are just the two things I know of for sure. I'm not sure how many nights I spent alone over the last 7 years while he was out on the town. Ok, so...what do I do?! People say that we all make mistakes, that it's just life, to forgive and move on, or get rid of him! It's just not that simple for me?! I mean I am only 26 and we have been together since 8th grade! 13 years! And it was all a lie. But at the same time I don't know what I would do without him. How ignorant is that??? I guess I just want to know is it normal to be at such polar opposites?? I have never wanted someone to leave so bad and stay at the same time!!? UGH! Any serious advice is welcome. TIA!

Answer 1

Honey i know what you are going threw cause i went threw the same thing like 3 weeks ago. My husband of 2yrs and been together for 5yrs cheated on me with a co-worker of his. But he was the one who came clean with it to me. But i don't think he would of if her husband wouldn't have came to my house to confront my husband about it first. I almost canceled my vacation plans for this. But my husband and i sat down and we talked for a very very long time over it and we are past all of it now. There was no s*x involved thank god! But we are more in love and never been happier since we first got together. So what i am trying to say is sit down with him and tell him how you are feeling about this and let him tell you how this makes him feel about hurting you in the process. I really don't see the need for all the money to go to a councilor when you can talk it out between the two of you.

Good luck and keep the communication open between the two of you! Trust me it does help!

Answer 2

You already know the answer. It sounds like you want to leave but your love is keeping you with him. If you think you can work it out with him then I say go for it. That way there won't be any what ifs. Give it your all. Go to counseling, sit down and talk to him about what both of you want.

I think you need to consider how you feel about him and his faithfulness to you. Do you think he can remain faithful now? If there is any part of you that does, then you may want to try.

Answer 3

wow that is a though one. First of all now that you know that your hubby slept with your cousin why do you still stay. I mean how are family reunions like. Is she all over him or are they all flirty. If you like the fact that your husband obviously does not respect his marriage vows or you then you go ahead and stay with him. Because he is still going to be the same person that he is now a cheater. Now you do not mention why you want to stay besides that you say you do love him but the question is does he truly love you. Because a man that is devoted and truly loves his wife does not cheat at all. I think that you may be stuck with him because your self esteem. You are still way to young to be dealing with this drama. You stay with him there are no guarantees that he is not going to cheat again. But you leave you know that he cannot hurt you anymore. So bottom line you need to just think about the whole situation but I am really concerned that you never mentioned that your husband and cousin ever apologize about their mistake. Also if it doesnt bother sharing your husband then go ahead and stay.

Answer 4

oh I feel you on that one. I've been with my husband since I was 14 and I am now 28. I do think people make mistakes, you never said though that he feels bad now about it or anything, and the fact that he wouldn't admit to it without your cousin saying something first is not a good sign.

You have to think about if you're with him because you're comfortable and afraid of having to be uncomfortable for a little while while adjusting to life without him, or if you truly think deep in your heart you can forgive him.

I definitely suggest counseling. I am in counseling with my husband and it helps to put things in different perspectives.

Also, someone on here suggested in one of my questions to read the book "A new earth" and I started it tonight and find it interesting. THe 2nd-6th pages were a little annoying so I skipped them and got to the good part lol, but I'm not done yet, but so far it is very interesting and makes you become aware.

Answer 5

Sounds like rough few years...I think the stay-leave feeling is normal.

Some people can forgive an affair, I however am not one of them. My leave feeling would overpower my stay feeling, yea, it would take about 5 minutes for me.

Good luck to you.

I think it is time to leave!!

I mean really, he cheated with your cousin...nothing is off limits.

Answer 6

First of all I want to say how sorry I am.  My heart really goes out to you!!  

It is normal to have mixed emotions.  You have been with this guy since you were a child.  You don't know what is like to be alone.  But you have to ask yourself if you will ever trust him again.  Because if you won't, you will live a miserable life.  You will be second guessing him at every turn.  You will think he is doing things even when he is not, and he will be miserable, too.  Plus, what if it happens again?  

You have barely experienced the dating world.  You have a very bright future ahead of you.  You will have fun, and meet lots of people, and have those amazing feelings of a new love.  So if you leave, there are many things to look forward to.  You will make it.  Things have a way of turning out.  Don't throw your happiness away for a relationship that will make you miserable(if you think you won't trust him again).

Good luck!!

Answer 7

Read a book called Not Just Friend. Another one is His Affair. It will help you deal with a lot of these feelings. I'm so sorry for your pain. You were betrayed not by one person but by two. The feelings of wanting to go but wanting to stay are very very normal!  

Answer 8

here's the answer you want Leave him

I don't know if its right or not. and I can't imagine being with the same guy since 8th grade. But you know what you want to do and you are just looking for someone to agree with you.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry Chica! That's horrible! If it was 5 or 6 years ago that this happened, I would let it go. The past cannot be changed. Let your husband know it was wrong, but let it go. If he does it again, end things. I'm sorry and good luck!<33

Answer 10

Well of coarse he was wrong for cheating and lying about it!

This is a hard one however we as humans makes mistakes all the time.

Forgive and get marriage couseling.

A man will be a man and b/c ya'll have been together since 8th grade makes it hard for him b/c he haven't had time to test the water with other women and he may have been tempted to do it.

Ya'll have been together 4 a long time and this can be fixed.  Marriage vow are serious and you vowed to stay thru thick and thin.

For good and bad.  I would pray about it and go to marriage couseling.

If you feel as tho you have to leave and you don't want him any more do the best thing for you and your family.