What would you do? I want to help big bro out but I don't want his whole family here...

Question

How do I explain to my brother that I have no problem letting him stay here on his off days he works on a boat 21 on 10 days off. But I don't want the trouble of dealing with his girl friend common law wife and their three kids.

They will always want to use my phone and we have very limited minutes 700 for me and the wife to share. They tend to live in a messy environment and our house always seems to be a little messy but livable but i don't like the idea of not being able to walk on the floors without stepping on something.

They broke alot of things at my sister's house, they didn't pay rent over there, they are both on probation, and they are mooches that sponge off of anybody they can.

How can I break in down to my brother he is only allowed to stay 2 months until he finds an apartment them he can move his family down because I can't deal with my wife and another female because wifey is pregnant and has really bad mood swings. And will tell some one off in a blink of the eye when her mood swings

Answer 1

tell him that you understand he is trying to improve his life and you want to help but don't think having a house full of people is a good idea especially with a little one on the way.

Answer 2

In the first place, you are under no obligation to recognize this woman as this man's wife.  "Common law" means no marriage ceremony was performed...and they're living together...with three kids?  You don't have to apologize for not approving of that arrangement.

At any rate, in order to tell someone what you WON'T do...simply tell them what you CAN or WILL do, and let that information speak for itself.  Let me give you an example.  Let's say you need to borrow one hundred bucks.  If you explained your sitation to me and I said "I can loan you 20 bucks, if that will help you out"...what have I automatically said?  I've just told you that I WON'T loan you all one hundred.

In your case, you're under no obligation to honor or accept this living arrangement in the first place.  It's okay to refuse to condone something that's wrong, particularly when it's setting a deplorable example for your three nephews, and they're the ones who could be most hurt by it.  However, if you say "I can't have a lot of traffic in the house right now or a lot of commotion with my wife pregnant, but if you'd like to borrow our spare room and stay with us a for a few days when you're off....we could do that for a couple of months until you get your apartment ready" that automatically sets the limits and tells your brother what you are willing (and not willing) to do.

One parting thought...I know he's your brother, but do you really want to have someone in your house whose roommate and kids broke a lot of things, whose on probation right now, and who has a reputation for being mooches who sponge off of people?  And if he's your brother, why can't you or your sister ask him to pay for things when they get broken?  Should your wife be subjected to that?  Just a thought.

Answer 3

If you let him and his brood stay with you I can guarantee your wife will leave your ***.  What's with this 2 month thing, there is no way your pregnant wife will put up with it.  It will destroy your house, your marriage, and your family.  I wouldn't even let him stay one night, let alone two months, I don't care if he is your brother.  He's a moouch, and is on probation, get ready to have everything you worked for destroyed.  If your wife agreed to this, I guarantee you she knows all this and is looking for an excuse to leave you and your marriage.

Answer 4

Tell him he needs a real job and that while he is in your house just because he's family doesn't mean he can do anything he wants.  You can't let people walk over you like that because your afraid of what they might think of you or because they'll get mad, not even family.  Tell him what you told us.  You don't want your house messy and you don't want to deal with his wife's mood swings, tell him that you love him and he's welcome anytime but while he's in your house he goes by your rules.  Ususally that line always works but if it doesn't you should move.