What would you do? Parent concern

Question

Hi, my sons cousin is 27 months old and is still awake at 11pm, or until she falls asleep on the sofa, then she gets carried up to bed and if she wakes during the night she gets taken to the parents bed. She is cranky all day, every day. When she does something slightly naughty she gets a smack. Her mother reckons she doesnt need a daytime nap, will not listen to anyones advice. Is her behaviour cruel? What would you do?

Before i get a ridiculous reply, theres always at least one, i know its not my business, shes the parent but theres a lovely child craving to have stability and something has to be done

Answer 1

I don't know that I would call it cruel, but it's definately best for the child to get propper sleep.  Suggest some books to her.  Or maybe a good article on sleep from Parents magazine?

Answer 2

You have an odd turn of phrase....your son's cousin?? Your niece right?  27 months? 2 and a quarter right? bizarre.

Anyway - if the poor child doesn't get to bed till 11pm then no wonder she's cranky all day.  If the mum doesn't want to let her have a daytime nap then she needs to be putting her to bed (not the sofa) at around 8.30 at the latest at her age.  It isn't necessarily cruel - although the smacking is - children of 2 don't need smacking - but it is misguided.

Poor kid.  Don't know that there's much you can do except give advice. Try not to sound like you're "telling" her or accusing her - just say it worked for you and you found your kids were less irritable during the day.  Sounds like the mum can't be bothered with the bedtime routine or else feels the child is more likely to wake up early if she goes to bed early when in fact the opposite is true.  I always found that mine slept better if they were given a routine that was more or less stuck to.  The child needs a warm drink and a bedtime story at 8.30 and I bet she won't get up in the night if she got that.

If she did get up in the night after having had the drink and story - the mum could say ok, well no story tomorrow night - and stick to it.  She'll soon get the message and also learn a love of books at the same time.

Answer 3

It sounds like she could use some parenting classes. I am not there and can't not see what happens but the fact that you wrote something makes me think that you are really worried. You can call the Social Work Services in your area and express your concerns to them - See what they think. I am sure that they wouldn't take her away but they might mandate that she attends some parenting classes. You don't have to give your name - so she wouldn't know it was you

Answer 4

Yes, it's cruel.  The parents sound very inconsistent - having the child sleep with them, but punishing her for being a toddler when it's their fault she's acting up in the first place.  She needs a daytime nap, especially if she is up until 11!  That's just crazy!

As far as I can see, there is nothing you can do.  The mother's behaviour does not seem to constitute abuse or neglect, simply not great parenting.  Unfortunately, there are lots of them out there.