What would you do about this situation?

Question

I've been dating my current girlfriend now for about 4 months, and just recently had an opportunity to meet her parents. I'm a black guy, and this is actually the first time I've ever dated someone of another race (my girlfriend is white)- not that I would ever have reservations about something of this nature, it just happens to be a coincidence that I've never dated a girl of another race before. At any rate, neither of us had any idea what to expect when I was introduced to her parents for the first time. To make a long story short, they completely flipped out when they saw me, and refused to sit down and eat with us in the restaurant in which we were to have dinner together! Yes, they were very disappointed that their daughter was dating a black man, and we were really both very shocked and surprised, as neither of us were raised to have these sorts of racial prejudices. My girlfriend was really upset, as her parents are very big fans of Obama and, ironically, somehow see him as THE person who will in the future ultimately bridge the racial cleft here in the U.S. Okay, whatever- I can understand her disappointment in her parents. However, when she asked me to give them a chance and try to "understand" where they were coming from, I said absolutely not and told her we had no business being together in the first place if she could not distance herself from her parents because of this attitude towards me as a romantic partner for their daughter. Now she's extremely upset with me, and, while I do miss being with her, I will never allow anyone to disrespect me and would rather be alone than tolerate some kind of conditional acceptance on the part of her family. Do you think I'm being too harsh and absolute?

Answer 1

Nah, I don't think it is harsh, you're just doing what you believe in anyways. As for the parents, they were raised in the past anyways, the period of racial tension. There can be a chance that they would change their mind, and look out for their daughter's best interest, and it also seems that your gf would like you to be with her, since she wanted you to understand her parents, so that you guys might actually end up liking each other. However, what you do, is entirely up to you.

Answer 2

yes, you are being harsh.  i think she should have mentioned the fact that you are black to her parents before they met you, that was a bit ditzy on her part to just "assume" they would understand.  also, now that the cat is out of the bag, if you really care for her you will give her parents a chance to come to grips with the situation, give her and them a little space to reconcile, they may end up being just fine with it, but it was sprung on them rather suddenly. i don't think she is disrepecting you at all, you are disrespecting her in a major way, she can't help what her parent's reaction was, you are trying to hold her responsible for the actions of her parents.  finally, don't ask a girl to choose between you and her folks, especially if they have a good relationship to start with.  it will only cause heartache and pain for everyone involved.  give them time and space to deal with it, but don't make her choose by giving her an ultimatum like that, that is just foolish and unreasonable.

Answer 3

Unfortunately for you, you are being blamed for what most black guys go after white girls for - s*x only.

Answer 4

Yes, I think you're completely out of line on this.

You NEVER force a girlfriend to make a choice between her parents and you, or her children and you.

You put her in an impossible position when you do it and you'll likely lose every time.

I agree that her parents were absolutely out of line on this - she probably tore a strip off of them when they got home over it.

They may have realized their mistake and be trying to make amends.

You're still fighting the equality war, I'm afraid - it's down to trench warfare now.  You have to go in and win battles one at a time.

If the girlfriend is worth keeping, the battle is worth fighting.

You might want to rent the movie classic, "Guess who's coming to Dinner" with Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracey".  It's all about this situation and you might find some hints in it.