What would you do about your 8yr old's friend's mom?

Question

My social 8 yr old daughter has a friend named Mary who's mom is worrying me. Frequently Mary cannot play because her mom is sick and often at the ER. I do not know the family well enough to inquire why she is sick. The times I have met her she seems physically fine and is friendly. Recently, they came over to our street to play and the mom told me she is on new meds that seem to help. To me, she almost seemed manic. My concern is for my daughter in allowing her to play at Mary's house. The mom always invites my daughter over and has shown up on occasion at my house unannounced to invite her on an outing (which I have not allowed). Is my concern warrented? Is there a correct way to find out if she can handle a guest child? I do invite Mary over to play at our house but the girls want to be allowed to play at Mary's house too. I do not fear this mom would hurt my daughter, I worry that she cannot supervise adequately.

Answer 1

If you have concerns about letting your daughter go there to play, just explain to your child that she has to have the friend come to your house. Your child should be able to accept this (perhaps even explain your reasons to her if necessary).

Don't ignore your gut instincts. Act upon them. If you don't feel happy, protect your child at all costs. No-one else cares about your child as much as you do.

Let me tell you something that happened with my 9 year old daughter yesterday. she went to a friend's house and they were going to the pictures. she was due home about 5pm but I had a call from the father about half past five asking me if I had heard from the kids.

apparently, the dad had dropped the kids off at the pictures and gone home, telling the two girls to ring home when they were finished. They were told to walk through a huge shopping centre to a pick up point and wait to be picked up.

I was absolutely devastated. I spent half an hour running around in the shopping centre and at the cinaematrying to find my girl.

I eventually found her but was not a happy chappie. They had gone into a later session (and I was not made aware of it - the dad didn't even know about it). When their movie finished the girls had run all the way to the pick up point. But this should never have happened. The girls were too young to do that alone.

I have been concerned for a while about this family but let my daughter go anyway. I should have listened to my instincts. I am lucky nothing serious happened this time. But it could easily have been disastrous...

Even if your child complains, you set the rules. She will thank you later on in life.

Answer 2

Why not have her over (the mother) for an afternoon while the girls play. Talk with her and let her know that you have heard that she has been ill lately and wanted to know if maybe there was something you could do to help. She may open up to you and let you know what she is sick from. It may something simple and maybe not. You can also see how she is by having her over for lunch or dinner.

Answer 3

Since she drops in on you unannounced, you do the same to her....often.  You're instincts will let you know if you can allow your daughter to play at Mary's house.  If you do let your daughter go over to play, call Mary's mom to check in every so often, and asked to speak with your daughter also.  Just keep taps until you get to know the situation.  Go with your gut feeling.  .

Answer 4

Of course you want to keep your daughter safe.

I am, however, concerned with the number of answers that seem to imply Mary's mom has some kind of dangerous disorder.

Lots of people make frequent trips to the ER for all kinds of reasons.  Good Lord, the woman might have asthma.  Let's not assume she is a danger to anyone.

As to her seeming manic to you, is this an indication that there is something wrong with her, or she was just very happy and energetic that day?

Assume the best...next time her mom is sick, bring her a meal and offer to take care of Mary.

Answer 5

One day when you see her, I would play dumb and say... Oh by the way.. Mary said you were in the hospital. Is everything ok? See what she says. If she doesnt respond, then Id be worried. If she tells you, then you can decide if she can be trusted or not.

Answer 6

I hope this is not the case but often drug addicts check them selves into Er's  often, just to get a little meds. but try not to take your daughter away  from Mary she might be the only good time she gets.

Answer 7

I would definitely find a way to inquire politely.  It would be a shame if you were not letting your daughter play over there just because the mom was having asthma attacks or something.

Answer 8

Yeah why not get together with your daughters friend and mother and have a girls day outing.  Then you casually bring up her being sick and you can find out what's wrong.  Then you can decide if it's okay to leave your daughter over there for a long period of time.

Answer 9

You should be concerned, talk to the mom.

Answer 10

I would worry too if I were you.  Try doing a an outing to the park with your daughter , Mary, and Mary's mom. Ask her this" Mary told me you've been in the ER a lot. What's going on? Is there anything I can do?" Children do need a lot of supervision. I wouldn't want anything to happen to my kid if I had one.