What would you do/how would you feel in this situation...mental health question?

Question

Okay. So I have had issues with drugs and eating disorders. When I was 14 I almost died from it. So I went to rehab and I switched between 3 different residentials. I spent 11 1/2 months away from home

My mom has this client (my mom is a hair stylist) and we are very close with her and her family.

And she struggles with MS. When I got home- I found out that she also has cancer in her blood (they consider this a blessing. Bc her quality of life is not good) she is always in pain and cannot leave the house.

So I haven't seen her in about 3 years.

And she's dying very quickly. We are not sure how much longer she can hold on. They called hospice last week.

And I still haven't seen her. And I don't think I will be able to before she passes. Bc she is in so much pain that she cannot have guests over

So I feel horrible. Bc of my stupidity and selfishness. I will not be able to see her.

And I love her. So much.

So im really emotional. Im trying very hard to keep it together. And I hate myself right now

Can anyone offer any advice? How would you feel? Am I feeling the appropriate feelings?

Answer 1

Stop blaming yourself; Let me start off by saying, " I'm sorry about your mum." Things happen in life for a reason; You didn't know that this would happen to your mum because you can predict the world. Why can't you see your mum? This was out of your control; So, stop blaming yourself for this. It's ok to cry because of her pain, but to cry because your blaming you; No! Get yourself together and go see your mum; She's waiting... You had to get you together; That's why you left. Your mum will be so proud of you; Too see that you have your life together after 3 years; Wow! Any mum will be happy to see that from her son or daughter.

Answer 2

Good advice from Chloe there and also this is something you need to do for you.....Don't let the opportunity pass, if you do it will be something you could regret for a long time. You can't change what will happen to your mom but you can change what will happen to you. Go see her, do this for you, do this for your future..!

Answer 3

We do stupid things sometimes, but it's not your fault that she's dying.  Your seeing her is primarily for you, not her; she's probably heavily sedated, wouldn't recognize you and shouldn't be upset by upset visitors anyway.

It's understandable that you're upset, but life deals us these situations on occasion.  Write her a nice note expressing how much she means to you and now sorry you are that she's not well.  Then when she dies, go to the funeral or memorial service and say something nice about what you remember about her.