What would you do if a scared, pregnant teenager wanted to bring her baby home to an abusive household?

Question

I have a 16 yo pregnant girl living with my family. We have been exploring parenting and adoption. She told me that she knew she couldn't bring the baby home because her mother is emotionally abusive. I know she wants to parent so we started working on a budget for her to live on her own. We even started calling apartments and govt. agencies to really get a plan laid out. She was still leaning towards adoption because she wasn't sure that she could do all this on her own. Up until yesterday her mom has been adament that she will not raise this baby. They even wanted to send her to a maternity home 10 hours away to hide the pregnancy. For 3 weeks I've had to listen to this mom call her daughter everyday and tell her what a horribly selfish girl she is and how she is ruining their lives. It's been very emotionally draining. 2 hours after just ripping her daughter one way up and down, she decides she will let the her bring the baby home. I feel this is just another way her mom is...

Answer 1

I agree with Anastasia. What your doing is a great thing. I believe that the girl can take care of the baby, as long as she has a good start. You're doing that for her and the best person for that baby is her. Maybe you should talk to the girl about getting a restraining order against her mother? Just a short one...just to give her some real time to think about what she wants to do. She'll never get a real chance to think if her mother's always in her ear harassing her and manipulating her.

I hope this helps,

Skatergurljubulee

Answer 2

You need to contact Child Protective Services about this situation.  Given how she talks to her daughter, there is every possibility that she does plan harm to her or her child.  Don't trust it.

Answer 3

Well, what you've done so far has been really good and I'm glad you're helping this girl. However, you MUST NOT let her put her baby up for adoption. I was adopted and the whole time I was growing up I couldn't understand why she didn't want me. Finally when i became 18 I tracked down my mom and found out she had a whole family of her own. She didn't want anything to do with me. And that hurt - that really hurt.

Don't let her put her baby up for adoption, whatever you do, don't let her mom pressure her into ruining her baby's life!

Answer 4

1. Just keep supporting that girl & feeding her with positive energy.  She doesn't have to sit there & listen to her mom *****...if the conversation is not doing anything positive just have her tell her mom, "Mom I am hanging up the phone now because I will not tolerate being emotionally battered from you anymore. Bye." and and have her hang up the phone.

2.  Can you not tell her mom how she should be encouraging her daughter rather than beating her down at every chance she gets?  If she's clalling her on your phone I would refuse to let her call her daughter there.

Answer 5

I think that you are not out of line. Tell the girl your true feelings on this. Most of the time, people who are broughtup by parents that are manipulative and emotionally abusive ont even realize that things aren't supposed to be that way. You may save her & her baby's life if you step in. But then again, she may just blow you off and go her own way. Either way, you will regret not saying anything to her, so I would suggest telling her how you see things, and tell her what you think is best. After that, just support whatever decision she makes, and unlike her mother, dont punish her emotionally if she doesn't do what you think she should. That is true unconditional love. Someone told me once that the "O" in love means to "overlook"

Answer 6

Obviously the mother/daughter relationship is not a healthy one - to say the least!  However, you haven't given any information about yourself.  What, if any, influence you feel you have with her.  Why would she listen to you?  I understand you are there to support her but are you qualified to really help her make the break she needs to break and to understand the full impact this will have?  Thankfully, in today's time, there are resources available for all of this. I don't know how far along she is but it is never too late to seek professional help for this child.  Women's shelters or churches have counselers to help with this situation.  There are also shelters that would take this young girl and help her to keep her baby and move forward with her life.  The mother is sick.  End of story.  The mother is not going to get well.  End of story.  The only ending for this young girl, if she doesn't get the help and support - professional - will be sad for all involved.

I also disagree with the young man who says not to give up the baby.  Giving up a baby is not easy for most people.  They do it because they understand that they cannot give this beautiful little life what it needs to become healthy and whole.  That doesn't mean that EVERYONE who gives up a baby does it in love but, for the most part, it is.  I'm sorry his mom wasn't there for him when he found her but he should be grateful that she didn't abort him and gave him a life that he is responsible for now ... and no one else ... practice gratititude and make your life worth something ... something that doesn't hinge on your biological donor!

Answer 7

i can understand you not wanting the mom to use you.  but for now, let's focus on the young gal.

i think what you have done so far has been great (trying to line things up).  i think it's important to continue this.

she sounds like like wants to break an old habit in her family and i think it's awesome.  just keep on keeping on with her as much as you can.

Answer 8

i was also a young mother at the age of 16 and mother was also physixally and mentally abusive...i gave my daughter up for adoption only b/c i knew in my heart and soul that it was the best thing for me to do for her yes i wanted to be a mother and yes of course i LOVE my child but enough to give her the chance in life that she deserved and not have to struggle with me. I miss her everyday and i wish there was a way for me to have done things different but i know she has a better life then what i could have provided for her and May 10th she will be 18yrs. old. Its not easy and the pain can be deep but to use the word selfish well i think that raising a baby without the strong support that you need when you are young is...please understand adoption is hard but do think that it is fair for an innocent life to struggle? ANd be careful i think the girls mom is gonna do no good with the girl or baby if she takes that baby home...i woulndt give the "mom" the chance to ruin the baby like she is her daughter. Doing the right thing dosent always feel good....