What would you do if you found out your teenager had snuck out?

Question

I just heard this story (from someone I know). Her son is 14 and he suck out at 1am one night. It is the first time he has ever done it and he has never been in serious trouble before (not even at school or anything).

He is ashamed and his parents have good reason to believe that this is the first major thing he has done.

What would be an appropriate punishment?

Answer 1

take away the cell phone!! i am not saying all teens do that, but it is not uncommon. he needs to know the danger of something happening and if they dont know where he is they cant help. sounds like he is a good kid so maybe a cell phone punishment and a talking should work. its not about being a mean parent its about being a good caring parent. i hope it works out for her.  

Answer 2

It is normal for teens to sneak out, but guilt is the best punishment to give. I had a talk with a friend a while back and I remember him saying, its weird how the I am ashamed of you is more effective then grounding.

Answer 3

well I'm 21 when i was like 13 me and my best friend used to sneak out because her mom was so strict. They even tried to bolt the windows shut to stop us, but they bolted the wrong part. Maybe she should not worry about how to punish him, and start worrying about how she can be more lenient. At my house my mom wasn't strict and we didn't have to sneak out. Therefore, she always knew where i was and what i was doing. Sorry, i know it's not a very intellectual answer, but it's what worked for us.  

Answer 4

I would first find out where they went. What reason would a 14 year old have to sneak out. Drinking? Drugs? Burglarizing? Stalking? Meeting a girl or boy or friends? There are many different reasons why. Nothing good usually happens after midnight and most reasons for sneaking out are not too good. So, I would press until I had an answer.

Their decision to be open and honest with me would definitely have weight when it came to punishment. If they were meeting a boy/girl/friends who were at a sleepover, I would probably tell them never to do it again and not ground them.

If they did not tell me, I would definitely punish by grounding them. There are really not too many other things a teenager dislikes more than that.

Answer 5

Guilt always worked the best for me when I was a teen. When I snuck out my parents didn't ground me or anything cause obviously, i was sneaking out. They just made me feel really guilty and ashamed of myself and like I had disappointed them. That was the best punishment for me cause I felt bad.  

Answer 6

I never snuck out, but I did return home one time at 5 a.m.

I think my mom grounded me.

Then 2 weeks later, I did it again because I accidentally fell asleep at my boyfriend's house.  My mom didn't catch me on that one.  Boy, was I lucky.

Truth is you can punish him however you want, but it may not stop it.

Answer 7

For something that serious, one punishment is not enough.  How long will it be before he sneaks out to get drunk or something?  I know he's not a bad kid, but...

I don't want to sound harsh, really, but I would:

Ground him from EVERYTHING except school

Take away TV, computer, phone, and/or videogame privileges

Prevent him from seeing his girlfriend if he has one

Not give him allowance

Confiscate his cell phone if he has one

Of course, I'm not the parent, and his parents will probably do something suitable, and he's not your child either, but this is just my advice.  He HAS to know not to do it again.  Bye!

Answer 8

My reaction would be to not trust the kid but to let him work his way out of it. The first thing that would happen is that there would be alarms put on the windows and doors. However, he would be told that if he gave me no cause for concern, kept his grades up, followed the rules, etc, the alarms would come down after a specified amount of time. Oh, and he wouldn't be allowed to go anywhere without a parent for awhile either. But again, he would be told how he could earn back our trust.

Answer 9

If he snuck out, he had a reason for doing it. Maybe they should find out that punish him at all. He might be stressed, hurt, or just feel as if he has no one to talk to and so, he is acting out.

If I had to punish him, I would probably just not allow him to do anything with his friends for a week (outside of school), especially since he's not a bad child.

Answer 10

i would send him to live with the local strict irish catholic priest who likes teenage boys, for a week .WINK WINK.That should straighten him out.

Answer 11

Grounded for a period of time. Including internet, phone whatever they feel is necessary. They need to establish that sneaking out is not okay and that if he is willing to talk to them then he gets more privileges.  

Answer 12

When I snuck out at the same age, I arrived home very quietly, raised the window very quietly, snuck back into bed very quietly and was so proud of myself for getting away with it.

THEN.... the lights came on.

There was my mother, arms crossed and none too happy.

This was enough to make me feel pretty sheepish, and I never did it again.