Question:

What would you do if you were faced with this situation? (There could be more than one question being asked)?

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I'm in desperate need to find the most help possible as I'd like to have my dad around to see events in my life that have yet to unfold but the

way he's going I may only have 20 more years with my dad....

Question 1)

I realize that it's OK to drink beer but is it alright to consume 6-9 cans of beer at 5.9% alcohol content each and every night and to the point where he counts his beer per case? (to add to this question my dads father drank him self literally to death).

Question 2)

Is it normal for my dad to refuse to quit smoking cigarettes when the doctor told him that if he doesn't quit he will eventually suffer from partial blindness when my dads job is being a Computer Tech?

Question 3)

My dad is also having an affair that consist of talking on the phone and texting but the problem is it's all being done with the company cell phone and company computer. He's starting to treat my mom like c**p over a women he hasn't seen since he was 17 years old exactly 30 years ago. On top that this person my dad is having an affair with is down south where it would take 10 hours for either person to drive to see the other one way. Also it's her second marriage and her husband has everything set up to spy on her and she claims he's abusive but in my opinion if she's messing around on him she deserves to be slapped around but not full fledge hit as her cheating is probably how her first marriage ended.

My mom is loosing my dad on what she believes to be a mid life crisis but I personally think and believe that there is no such thing as a mid life crisis all it is really is a p**s poor excuse to be an @ss.

I take my moms side on everything because my dad broke my hand when I was 17. From age 5 to present he would rather call me Sh*t head, F***king Moron or FM for short, Dumb Sh*t, and Simple Sh*t rather than my own name though he did say my name. Lately he has shown me in every way that he truly never wanted a 2nd kid which is true my mom tricked him to have me.

Also when I got home from the military on a medical discharge my dad forced me to get a job before I was done healing and he wonders why I can't get a job now because i was still severely injured (from repeated head injuries). He tried to get me sent to an all mens shelter but if it wasn't for my mom talking out of it I wouldn't be able to write this question today.

On my parents 27th wedding anniversary my dad spent some great deal of time in a bath room texting his other lover.

what kills me the most is my dad was allowed to further his education while my mom still doesn't even have her GED yet basically because my dad prevents her from getting it. She has to be home at nights and on the weekends and can only work during the day according to how my dad wants it. All my mom ever wanted in life is to be a great wife and a great mother and she has already done those 2, but its kind of a slap to the face when your husband says to you "I've been unhappy for 12 years and it's all YOUR fault!".

I need the help on all 3 questions I'm so for a loss of words it's not even funny. There is more going on but for privacy I can't get into more detail.

I can't wait to see what good answers come my moms and my way.

Thanks for all the time you took to read this question it's greatly appreciated! :-)

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3 ANSWERS


  1. wow, how sad.

    unfortunately your dad is not unique, there are many, many men that act this same way and get away with it.

    this man is not going to change or get better.

    please, you and your mom need to start planning, saving money, and putting in motion a way to get this guy out of the house.

    depending on where you live and the laws, you mom may be able to keep the home and get alimony to get by on for awhile.

    it will be difficult on everyone, but eventually you and your mom will have your peace once he is gone.

    is seems that he is trying to push your mom into leaving him so he doesn't have to be the one to walk away and then he can blame her for giving up when he obviously gave up a long time ago.

    all of the complaints you sited are grounds for divorce in the eyes of the law, so your mom definitely has a case against him.

    you guys already know what need to be done, it is just a matter now of putting the plan in motion and staying the course.

    best wishes to you both .


  2. Oh my ... well I think you need to ask yourself if you really want that kind of person in your life.  You've found the answers all by yourself, I would suggest for both you and your mom to get rid of this man.

  3. You cannot change an addict, only your father can change himself.

    You and you mother should look up al-anon, a support group for families of alcoholics. They can help you and your mother recover from living with him.

    www.al-anon.alateen.org

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