What would you do if you were in my shoe? Should I invite this person to my family parties?

Question

When my husband was still courting me years ago, his L*****n cousin’s partner has been very mean to me.

Well, she was not mean in front of me - (she was like an angel in front of me ), but she was saying bad things behind my back to my husband’s relatives.

Well.. no one belived in her anyway (thanks GOD, these people know my character). I am not sure if she was just insecure or

jealous (she is the partner of my husband’s L*****n cousin by the way), but she tried ever single way to separate us in seats.. room.. restaurant tables.. in other words, she made an

effort to keep us apart. My husband was still courting me at that time so I was not in the position to argue with the B*TCH about why she was doing that.

Anyway, now that my hubby and I are living together and have a family… I still have bitter feeling about that girl. I never invite them formally to any of my family gathering

such as kids birthdays and special occasssions. I was just very mad at her at because my husband mentioned to me that while we were dating, this B*TCH was tying to hook him up with

one of my friends … but my husband alarmed me about it during that time. And she was bad mouthing me behind my back whenver I was not there. It’s been years since those happened but the memory of her being so MEAN to me is stil here. Am I mean for not inviting the L*****n couple to our parties? Because I feel guily when sometimes they ask why they wer not invuted. And I can’t tell them the reasons….. I don’t like to involve my husband in these women’s issues, but I informed him about my feelings toward the couples. Up to now, I don’t’ know what is her problem with me…. my husband says to ignore them because she is just so insecure of me because I have a very good and stable job, has my own house and properties , and have a decent life, and good family. My kids birthdays are coming…. should I invite them to my party eventhough I am not comfortable with them being there? What would you do if you were in my position?

Answer 1

The question seems to be about inviting someone to your home that has been mean to you but you repeatedly bring up the fact that she is g*y.  I'm wondering if you are uncomfortable with them being to your parties because she was mean or because she is a L*****n?

Either way, if you don't want them there, don't invite them but you will have to deal with the awkwardness when you do see or talk to them.

Answer 2

You have been giving this a lot of your time and energy. Are these people worth it?

I have one word for you. FORGIVENESS

IT IS A GIFT YOU GIVE YOURSELF!

You have a home, a husband, and children who deserve your attention and intentions.

Let these bad feelings go. You can be bigger than this catty and calculating person.

If not, you need to work on YOURSELF instead of blaming them for your unhappy situation.

I hear in your posting that you are resentful and judgmental about their lesbianLESBIAN L*****n situation. In the first place, that is none of your business. In the second place, this is a situation you need to let go of, even if they were a married hetero couple who hurt you-YEARS AGO.

If your husband is close to his cousin, and wants her at parties, regardless of who she is sleeping with, invite her and her guest.

It is time for you to grow PAST YOUR BITTERNESS, and free yourself and your family from this tension and meanness.

I would forgive them, and also assume that they have grown some and won't be sneaky and mean to me or my family. If they behave, give them the benefit of the doubt.

If they act badly, use the NEW INFORMATION-NOT OLD GRUDGES to show your husband that they are a negative and unhappy addition to your parties. He will be on the same page with you, then.

You are involving your whole family in "these women's issues" because of your holding on to a hurt from the distant past and using their lifestyle to justify your continued pain and bitternes.

Forgiveness is freedom.    

Answer 3

why not invite them for a foursome?! new lesbobian experience!

then you can have halo-halo after s*x!

Answer 4

don't invite them ..............."never rub salt in a wounded area"

Answer 5

I wouldn't invite them.birthday parties are expensive enough. and here's a areality for you, only the grandparents really wanna be there anyway. the rest would be happy skipping the whole thing and bringing by a present.

Answer 6

Ngek!  Overall, it's YOUR business who you invite.  You are free to invite whomever you want and to exclude whomever you want.  You don't need to feel guilty or make any excuses.

You don't mention whether or not they invite you to events now or if you attend, but if they are, then it would be polite to reciprocate.  If they aren't, but you want to try to make peace with the extended family, you can invite them to an event at some point.  If everyone can be civil to each other, that is wonderful, but one's immediate family must take precedence over one's extended family.  If hostilities persist, wait a few more years and try again.

Answer 7

No, don't invite them.  She obviously wanted to hook you husband up with one of her friends.  She has issues.  If they ask why they are not invited, say because I chose not to invite you.  Have a nice day.

Answer 8

You should talk to your husband about this and see what he thinks.  If he is close to this cousin, you might just need to invite her and her partner.  Take the higher ground and you will come out on top, no matter how petty and nasty this girl is.  Of course, if your husband doesn't care to make them a part of your lives, then don't bother with them.  Just because you are married to him dons't mean you ahve to get along with his whole family.