What would you do if you were in my shoes..??? any advice for me??

Question

i was away for half the summer and since coming back from holidays i've felt that my friend hasn't put much effort into the friendship....and a few days ago it was my birthday and she said she wanted us to go to a club and she wanted to celebrate my birthday with me....but she ditched me for most of the night.

I e-mailed her the next day to tell her how i felt that i wasn't happy about how my birthday turned out...and she got real defensive like "the night is what you make it" kinda thing and said it wasn't her fault i had such a bad night out on my birthday......of course i did know other people there but i didnt know them as well as i know her so it wasn't the same.

.....since we still hadn't reached an agreement i finally told her that the reason i was makin a big fuss about it was because i've felt she hasn't put that much effort into the friendship since i've come back from holidays and ditching me on my birthday was the tip of the iceburg for me that just set me off.

.....again she got real defensive and she said that she's been real upset by this whole thing....(which to be honest i don't get because i'm the one who's upset that i feel i've been pulling all the weight in the friendship recently).....but anyways, and she said sorry it took her so long to realise she's been such a horrible friend to me....

So then i started feeling like i was the one being a b*tch and i appollogised for all thas happened and i appollogised more then once actually....the only reason i was doing it was to move on with my life and stop this b*tching and fighting.........but she still hasn't forgave me...like what the h**l am i supposed to do?! she said shes so upset by what i've said .....so then i appollogise.....even though she should be appollogising to me.....and she doesn't forgive me and she was like "i don't know what to say to be honest..."

what would you do if you were in my shoes?? any advice for how to get myself out of this sticky situation??

Answer 1

Well, it seems like your friend is a dependent one. Did you try mailing her cards while you where on vacation? calling her? E-mailing her?Or did you even ask if you could? Or did you just leave her to fend for herself. I do not know you that is why I ask. But if you are really close friends she probably sees you as more like family than a friend and she might need a consistent amount of attention from you for her to be happy and feel secure and leaving for a long while could make her really very upset. Maybe she is upset that you were not "putting enough effort" in the friendship. 'cause when you think about it maybe she needs you a lot more than you think. I do not know both of you nor the whole situation so I can not really make a good judgement of the situation.

Answer 2

Me and my best friend were like this ALL the time, i always felt she was digging at me but then when I bought it up, I always ended up apologising and she was so stubborn she just wouldn't quit making me feel bad.

But then I realised we were both as bad as each other, and we both liked to have a dig at one another and made each other feel bad.

Maybe you are unconsciouslly nasty to her sometimes, though spending too much time together, jealousy etc.

Answer 3

Listen to me. No one else is responsible for your happiness, not your friend, or anyone. You are entirely 100% responsible for everything in your life - good and bad. The world does not revolve round you. Be nice to your friends, but don't blame them if they're not nice back. One way or another we all reap what we sow.

Answer 4

You've both apologised. Phone her up and arrange to do something together, get things back on track.

Answer 5

sounds like you are doing your best. Invite your friend out for a meal or a drink,keep it light hearted, try to have a laugh about how silly the whole thing is.Stop saying sorry now, once should be enough. If she still wont come round then leave it for a while, sometimes things just take time to sort themselves out. You cant blame her for your bad night but thats not to say that a great friend wouldnt have left you on your own. if you really know her then you will know that this is what she is like or maybe you are just finding this out.In which case you have to decide if this is the sort of friend you really want and if you can be happy with the way that she is. All you can really do is be the friend to her that you would like her to be to you  and if she doesnt measure up then so what at least you have a friend and you will be a great friend. But dont take any ****. love you.xx

Answer 6

Go to your friend and say you are sorry and tell her how you feel and what you she can do to keep your friendship falling apart. and say to her if she still wants you she has to show more respect and considerations. or you will finish the friendship and find somebody else.