What would you do if your 15 yr old daughter was disrespectful to entire house?

Question

telling siblings who are 13 and 10 yr old boys and a sister 16 to shut up leave her alone calling them f**s telling you the mother who has done everything for her from coaching her cheering squad to attending all sporting events shut up be quiet leave me alone your retarded, i can not stand you?

would you just deal with it let it roll off your shoulders, oh them she woke up next day expecting ride to cheering practice like nothing was ever said.

Answer 1

matter of fact......if a 15 year old child does all this, it just shows that the girl has not been brought up in a right manner.......by giving material things does not buy love........n proper social education has to be taught to a child once he/she speaks a first word........afterall, "spare the child n spoil the rod", always has a back fire

Answer 2

Ok, so all your other kids are great. Why do you think this one mouths off? I'm going to speculate that this one is lost in the pack and she's acting out because it sets her apart.

Don't put up with it, she's not just being disrespectful to you, she's using terms that are disrespectful to other people. Its not acceptable to call anyone a "f*g" and "retarded". When she says thing like that, tell her that calling other family members names is off limits(make sure that applies to everyone, including you and your husband).

I found that just confronting the reason behind the behavior usually startled them enough to get a handle on it. Next time you might gently say, wow it must feel like you don't matter much with having an older sister and two younger brothers. But you really do, and it breaks my heart that you feel so badly about yourself that you feel like you have to act this way.

You need to find a way to reach out to your daughter instead of just being annoyed. She's special too, its your job to make sure she knows that.

Answer 3

Most people are vile at 15. I know I was. She will hopefully grow out of it. Put your foot down more. You're being supportive and she's throwing it back in your face. You have to let her know that this isn't effecting you and that you are boss.

Answer 4

Make her apologize to you and her siblings. And let her know her behaviour is unacceptable! Puberty is no excuse to be so hateful. Tell her that too.  But to be fair, get alone with her ask her what's wrong? It could be boy trouble or peer pressure. Fifteen years olds have a lot to contend with these days.

Answer 5

While it is true that when you are a teenager your hormones, or stress from school or friends can drive you into a frenzy sometimes, as a parent you should always feel comfortable enforcing rules and setting expectations.

It's best not to take these attacks personally; she really doesn't mean it.. but she should be held responsible for her behavior. Grounding is not a bad idea, and other measures that reduce how much the family has to go out of it's way to assist her when she displays disrespect for the family.

It will not be easy though! Try to be understanding, be tough, but be fair about it. Reward her when she tries to keep lines of communication open.

You will make it through! Good luck ^_^

Answer 6

She is going threw that stage. I did it myself, Now not to say that you should let it go on. but right now she thinks in her little head that none of you matter you are her controler and she wants to break free, but being on 15 she has those limits and it ticking her off in the inside. ( Dont go assuming this is Drugs and s*x related I hate when we all pawn drugs off on this) Give her some adult responsabilities make her see that she to can have alittle freedom. Make her work towards something as an adult, she is going threw the stage where she wishes she was 18 or 21 and could do whatever she wants, she basically to her own mind has no use for you guys she want it all own her own and her own little world is the most important thing.

She will soon come to relize with alittle more responability and alittle more adult contact that she is just ok with being her age.

Its a phase, but also remember that I would not tolerate her talking down to others.. just talk to her like an adult and you will see she will miss being your 15 year old again.

Answer 7

This is normal behavior but you get on her case and tell her that you will not have that kind of behavior in the house and if she does it again there will be lost privileges.  Don't let her get away with what you feel is a issue in  your house and it doesn't matter how much you do for your kids they want to test you she is trying to role play as a adult its your job to coach her and talk to her and love her and god help us with teenagers

Answer 8

A good smack across any part of her body will do the trick.  And don't give me that child abuse c**p some need a smack now and again.

I would also disconnect her computer and any other electronics she has.  

Take her door off her bedroom so she has no privacy and has to change in the bathroom.  you need to get control of your house again.

Answer 9

Hormones, growing stage/phase, or whatever else you want to call this, she is being completely disrespectful to you and to the rest of the people in your family.  Children and teenagers test their boundaries.  It seems to me that at each stage they push again to see where those limits and boundaries are.  She needs to learn that it is not tolerated in your home.  If that means taking privileges away and/or grounding her so be it.  Be ready though, when you push back so do they!  

Our son went through a stage like this.  His brother and sister are sweet and very helpful and he was too.  However, suddenly he decided that he no longer had to show respect to anyone, let alone his father or me.  This even spread into the way he was acting in school.  My husband and I talked, we BOTH agreed on the expectations and the rules.  We sat him down told him what was expected of him and that this obnoxious, rude, and unacceptable behavior would not be tolerated.  We also explained to him that if he continued, there would be consequences.  

He pushed back of course and he QUICKLY learned that he was still the child and we were still his parents!  There was one point where he was grounded, no phone, no video games, nothing.  Basically, all he was aloud to do was go to school, do his home work, eat, bathe, and go to bed.  It was absolute Hatties!  

The key was that my husband and I were both consistent with the rules and that we backed each other up.  At first we both felt a little on the mean side, but decided that if he didn't learn to respect others now, it could affect him in his adult life.  We didn't want him to be one of these people who are obnoxious in an office and disrespectful to their boss, etc. etc. You know the types I'm talking about, we all work with them!

Anyway, best of luck.  Personally, I believe teenagers should be sent to the moon, taught manners, and then sent back to their families LOL!  I'm totally kidding, I feel your pain/aggravation, but hang in there...that once sweet child can be brought back.  I just dread going through this again with the other two!  Maybe we’ll both luck out…do you think?

Oh one last thing...we also took every chance we could to reward and praise the good behavior too!  We didn't undo any punishment, but when he started acting appropriately again, we acknowledged that and really reinforced it.  His teachers commented on the improvement and noticed the difference too.  Best of luck to you.

Oh and sorry to ramble, but one other thing I kept in mind when it would have been easier to let some of the snide comments, eye rolling, and all the other rude behavior slide…  

I was never aloud to disrespect my family or teachers.  Due to strict expectations set by my parents, as well as enforced by my parents, I maintained good grades, graduated from college, obtained an MBA, and have always received excellent performance reviews from my supervisors.  I attribute my success to how my parents reared me and I am now grateful that they took the time and traveled the harder road to teach me respect and appropriate behavior.  What I see out of our upcoming teens is scary.  Parents for some reason seem to feel they don’t have the right to have respect from their children, in my friend’s homes it is as if the children are in control.  I don’t understand this mindset.  We are parents for a reason…we are supposed to be the ones with more knowledge who are teaching them the lessons we have learned from life so that we can prepare them for their adult life.  I think that doing this is by far harder, but shows our children more love.  They won’t understand that now, but they will when they are adults and are capable of dealing with disappointments and not always getting what they want.  Life is full of cruel realities and it is racked with situations that aren’t fair and just.  So many times I have wanted to tell a boss off…we all have!  But I knew my place and I knew that smarting off the way I wanted to would only lead to termination or at least the inability to advance in the future.  I am so grateful that my parents took the time to teach me how to communicate my wants and needs without being disrespectful.  I am a hot head, I have a temper, and sometimes it is still hard for me not to spout my opinions.  My son is going to be the same I think, and I want to make sure that he is prepared for life and able to succeed even when life isn’t fair.

Again, best of luck to you!