What would you do if your Niece having an Out of State Adult only Reception and I have Kids?

Question

My first and Only Niece is getting married and on her wedding invitation it says only adults are invited to the reception. I am traveling 4 hours out of state to this wedding that is an evening wedding and directly following there is a "Adult Only" reception. My sister(Step Mother of NIece) says the only reason it is an "Adult Only" reception is because it is costing $62.00's a person so to narrow it down they didn't invite kids. Well my kids cannot stay in the hotel alone because they are 8 and 11. I am the only sibling that has kids that are NOT adults. My husband really wanted to go to the reception but now he may have to be the babysitter. Should I go to the reception alone without my husband or should I just go to the wedding and miss the reception? I have never in my whole life been to a wedding reception without kids. We are spending money for the gift, For gas, For the Hotel and now we have to worry about a babysitter.

Answer 1

My parents always said "if the kids can't come, we can't either".  Go to the wedding, but kindly decline going to the reception.  Explain to your niece that you have to go back to the hotel to be with your children.  She probably won't remember who was at the reception anyway.  Mine was a blur.  :)

Answer 2

well, they have to pay $62 per child if they are invited. Just find a babysitter! Then, you and your husband could go to the wedding and then spend a romantic evening together, just the two of you in the hotel. Make a weekend of it. Being a mom of two, Im sure you get stressed and could use a break, right? Take advantage of it. the kids will be okay! Could anyone on your husband's side take the kids for the weekend?

Answer 3

I know you keep saying that you're calm about this situation, but it's clear that your question is full of resentment and anxiety.  It seems that you are looking for advice on how to get your niece to let your kids come instead of advice about what to do with your kids.

I know you may have not been to wedding that didn't allow children, but it is totally normal for a wedding to be an adult event.  Especially a formal wedding.

You've responded to a lot of people's answers, but you've never answered their questions of "Can your kids stay at a friends house?".  8 and 11 are plenty old enough to be going to sleepovers or even staying with a neighbor.  I get the feeling that you don't really "do that".  But maybe it's time to start.  Maybe there is family on your husbands side they can stay with.  If you bring them with you then I'm sure your sister has a TRUSTED friend that can watch them.  Really...a wedding only takes about six hours.  They'll be okay.

Now about your children's feelings.  This is what makes me think that you're looking for a way to get them invited.  Your daughter is not going to see her cousin...even if she went to the reception.  The bride is far to busy.  You need to sit them down and tell them that it's a grown-up party.  And you're sorry, but they just can't go.  You might find out if there is a family brunch the next day that you can bring your kids to so they can see her.

Your sister probably didn't want to tell you this, but your niece probably doesn't want children there because she just doesn't want children there, not just because of the cost per head.  If your niece agreed to let them go then they would probably not have a great time and if they did have a great time then that probably means that some of the adults will not have a good time.

Don't worry about the RSVP.  If your niece is paying $62 a person, she'll make sure that she counts you as 2 and not 4.  I doubt she'll overlook that.

Bottom line:

1. Your niece has the right to decide (at any time) to not invite children to her wedding

2. This is not the first time you and your husband will need to go out of town overnight.  It's time to find someone who can watch your kids.  That's one of the responsibilities of having kids.

3. Your daughter cannot always go.

Answer 4

Is there a friend the kids could stay with for the weekend. I'm sure they would love a sleepover with some buddies while you and your husband go to the wedding.

Answer 5

I have to take your niece's side on this.  I am getting married in two and a half months, and I am also have an adult only wedding.  Here is why:  our venue hold 100 people.  So we could choose to invite 100 of our closest friends and family, or we could cut out two thirds of our friends and family in order to accommodate one third of our guests' children.  Most of these children we don't even know, and we would much rather have our friends than our friends' kids.  Also, I work as a nanny, and I really don't want to have a bunch of kids running around like crazy, stressing me out on my wedding day.  This is your niece's wedding day.  She gets to choose who she wants to invite and the atmosphere of her wedding.  One of my friends is flying in from across the country to attend my wedding.  She is happy about the "adults only" stipulation and is looking forward to a weekend break from her five kids.

Answer 6

I would leave the kids at home with some of their friends, or relatives from the other side of the family, or a trusted babysitter.  Then just you and your husband could attend the wedding & reception and enjoy a romantic night away from the kids.

That way the kids have fun with whomever they're staying with and you get a nice date with the husband out of all the money you're spending on attending the wedding.

Answer 7

if i were you i would do one of 2 things

i would give the whole thing a miss full stop

or

i would be taking along a trusted friend and treating them to a night in an hotel to look after your children and find out somewhere they can go for eats/cinema etc whilst you are at the reception

i think its awful they know you have children and are stressing the adults only thing

if my children couldnt come with me, i didnt go, simple as

Answer 8

If your kids have friends that they have stayed the night with before this would be a good time to talk to their parents and see if they can stay the night of the wedding.  If not, explain the situation to your niece and see if she knows of someone who is a reliable babysitter.  Maybe after you talk to her she will tell you to bring them because she really wants for you and your husband to be able to come.  You could even tell her that you won't be able to come to the wedding due to the adult only reception.  You can't be the only person invited to the wedding with kids - tough situation to be in.

Answer 9

Call her and tell her your dilemma and see what she says maybe she has an idea!

Good luck and I will be prayin for ya!

Answer 10

I can't see how you can possibly misinterpret the bride's intentions.  No kids means no kids.  If you can't get a babysitter, then either attend by yourself (after all it is YOUR only niece) or don't attend at all.  You don't need a husband attached at the hip.  Shouldn't be that tough of a call.

Answer 11

You have NO ONE on the other side of the family that you could entrust the care of your children to for one night? SERIOUSLY?

My mom has six kids, and she always finds a way to dump them off on some one when she needs to..... Wonder how she does it.....? (I don't have much regard for her, so let's just leave it at that)

Honestly, if the cost of attending the wedding is too much, then you'll have to send your apologies to the bride and groom ASAP! That's might give them time to do a last minute fix with the caterer....

Otherwise, you can send a nice gift AND the $124 (since now you are not spending $ on the trip, gas, hotel, babysitter)

People who do Out-Of-State weddings know that this might cut important people off the guest list (Heck, that might be a reason they did it OOS in the first place!), and should understand when some loved ones can't make it....

Who knows, .... if she really wants you there, she might actually offer to take care of the babysitting problem for you!....

Good Luck!

Answer 12

First don't take this so personally.  Weddings are so expensive, there is your reason, nothing against you or your children.  Do you have a friend at home to have your kids overnight?  How fun for you and your husband to have a chance to be alone together at what sounds like a fun grown-up event.  You can also ask your sister if she knows someone at her end that she trusts and could watch the kids.  Let her know you understand about the children not attending but need help finding a sitter.  If you ask her like that she will be more inclined to help then if you act insulted the kids aren't invited.  You could also skip the wedding ceremony and go to the reception if having a sitter that long is a problem.  Try to be flexible so you can enjoy your niece's day.

Answer 13

I understand your situation.  It is very hard to be the one who had kids when no one else does.  My husband and I live away also, and it is very difficult planning events like this, even without the no kids rule thrown in.

You are not blowing this out of proportion.  It is a big deal.  You have talked about the wedding with your kids, gotten them excited about their cousin's wedding, thought about it for months, talked with your sister about it, and now are cut out of the picture.  I always tried to talk about upcoming family events with my kids so that they would know their family, even though we lived out of town.  Right now, there is a baby photo on our fridge just so everyone can see it and not, 4 months from now, say "Baby? What baby? When did that happen?"

Here's what I would do.  Bring along a babysitter from home.  Let the babysitter come to the wedding with you.  Then, you all go back to the hotel.  Change the kids' clothes and give the babysitter money for some outing- pizza, movie, game arcade, etc.  Give the babysitter your car, and you and hubby take a cab to the reception.  

Don't skip the reception.  Your family will be talking about it for a long time, and you don't want to miss it.  But if this happened to me, it would be something I would remember (and be hurt about) for a long time.

Answer 14

Ask your niece for assistance in finding a babysitter.  Or, leave your kids home, with someone you trust.  Or don't go!!  How many times do you have to hear that this is ADULTS ONLY.  There is no reason why your niece should have to defend this decision, and you are obnoxious to try to bring your kids anyway.  If you keep up that pushy attitude, then you probably should stay home with your kids yourself, since you cannot seem to find any other reasonable solution.

Answer 15

I read all your comments and personally, if it was me in that situation.  I would reply that we would not be able to attend due to the distance and because the children are not invited.

If you really want to go, then maybe you can make the trip yourself and leave the kids home with your husband.  Otherwise politely decline.

It seems like a lot of hassle and expense for you to not be able to include your whole family, so for that reason I would skip it!

But that is just me, you need to do what is best for you.

Usually child plates are much cheaper than adult plates and I have yet to meet a caterer that will not supply child plates when asked.  So that is probably the brides polite way of saying she does not want children there to get in the way or ruin her night.

What comes around goes around and some day she will have kids and then she will understand.

Answer 16

Sadly, your options are kinda limited.  

You already listed your options really: you only go, both you go with kids with babysiter, take kids and have babysitter over there or don't go.

4 hours isn't that far away; however, an evening reception is quite late to stay that far.

I would recommend both of you to go to the wedding (I believe that is the most important part of all) and leave the kids with a babysitter.  Just don't attend the reception.

You can begin interviewing babysitters now and even install nannycams if you feel you need a piece of mind.

Phone in often to the children. If the babysitter is legit and experienced, then she will understand your calling in-checking up on them.

I babysitted multi times for weddings, late night rehurs or adult nights out. I got between 20 to 30 calls within 4 hours one time and I got 1 call in 6 hours the others.  Every parent is different and sometimes they need the assurance. 8 and 11 year olds are tattle tales. I highly say that they will tell you everything if the babysitter did anything wrong.

Hey plus, this can give your husband and yourself some time alone and enjoy an adult event, even if just the wedding itself.

but if you do decline, just send a letter and rsvp saying that you are sorry you had to change your mind and hope they understand your situation as you understand theirs just as equal. The sooner, the better you do this so they can have head count etc.

Answer 17

you don't have a friend or and aunt from your husbands side or a grandparent on his side that can watch them overnight, they could have a sleepover and it could be fun for them.

Answer 18

I've been to many weddings that are adult only. Partially because noone wants to be chasing after kids all night, they want to have a few drinks relax and have some good fun. and also because they don't want kids to be driven home after their parents had a few. (not that you would, but it does happen and is a concern) You should go because you don't want to cause family tention. See if maye someone from your husbands side can take the kids. or maybe they can have a sleepover at a friends house and then offer to take their kids on another weekend as payment.

Answer 19

maybe you should skip the wedding altogether. since they are so concerned with saving a buck, you'll be helping to save them $124

Answer 20

One thing you could think of is a sitter service. I don't know your location but there are several in Az they match sitters with people in your type of situation needing a sitter but not knowing anyone local. Generally background checks are done on everyone involved as well as extensive interviewing. I use to work for one. They charge around $9 an hour. and will come to hotels. Also try calling your hotel they might have a service, or be able to recommend one. Its your nieces right not to want children, perhaps its not just cost but also noise levels. I wouldn't get upset with her for not wanting children there.