What would you do if your husband did not help with the baby?

Question

You do it all, You wake up with the baby, feed, bathe, change diapers etc...and he might feed her twice a week or so. His excuse is "I don't like the baby stage". What would you do??

Answer 1

tough luck. tell him to pull up his big boy pants and get on the ball

Answer 2

Wow.  I at first when my son was born, refused to barely let my husband hold him. I am a tad bit overprotective.. first time mommy here.  But now at six and a half months.  My hubby gets our son in the am, which allows me to sleep an extra hour.  Then also plays with him most evenings.  Not that I ask, but he wants to.  I do not know what I would do without my husband doing these things with our son.  I honestly would have first cut off all s*x, yeah I can be mean.. lol.  2 tell him fine then cook your own meals wash your own clothes, and so on.  He will get the hint.  Also He obviously needs to bond with the child, if he does not now, it will take a long time for him to bond later.  Good luck with the bad hubby.  They can learn, it just takes time.  

Answer 3

wow That would drive me nuts. im lucky my partner trys to do as much as he possibly can with our daughter. The only thing I do that he dosnt try and help with is breast feed. I would keep saying 'well your missing out and baby isnt going to get to know you' or something. Try and guilt him into it because he should feel guilty for not helping!

Answer 4

I would seriously consider having to leave him. I did not get pregnant by myself and I expect my husband to contribute equally as far as caring for our child goes. Too effin' bad if he doesn't like the baby stage. He enjoyed the s*x that got you pregnant didn't he? Then he can contribute a little bit more.

Is this his first child? Could it be that the baby actually intimidates him? My husband was very intimidated by our baby at first and he had to work to get past that.  

Answer 5

I am so sorry that your husband doesn't help out with your little one.

Sit him down and let him know how you feel.

Tell him that being the sole provider to your little one is very difficult and that every once in a while... you would appreciate the help.

Ask him if he's nervous. If so... introduce him to helping you with little things at a time.

Tell him that his baby girl needs her daddy in her life and if he isn't there to start a bond between them.... then he is going to regret it for the rest of his life and always wonder why his little girl never wants to have anything to do with him.

And if it's just because he doesn't want to help you period....

then I would quit doing things for him:

                     *laundry

                     *cooking

                     *cleaning up afer him

                     *wifely duties in bed

and you get the picture...

See how long he can go without all of your doings for him and tell him that you can't see to his needs because you have to be mommy and daddy to your daughter and don't have time for him.

Make him see that it took the two of you to make this little angel and that it takes the both of you to raise her.

Just because he enjoyed the making of her... doesn't mean that it ends there.

Good luck sweetie and I hope that all works out between you two.

I hope that he will try to make the effort to be a part of his daughter's life!

I really do!  :(

Answer 6

I have to be honest and say I wouldn't have married someone who wouldn't help with the baby.  My husband and I both take care of our daughter every day.  I don't mean to offend you so don't take it that way.

You should try talking to your husband again.  Tell him you need help with the baby.  Bathe the baby together.  You both can participate in her bedtime routine (changing diaper, putting on pj's, reading books).  You could change her diaper, he could put on the pj's, and you both could each read a book.  You could alternate feeding her each evening (provided you both work).  If you don't work, he could feed her each evening with your help (so he doesn't feel he is doing it all on his own).

Good luck!

Answer 7

hah id say 'welcome ot my life' im the only one who does it all, with no help. im a single mom of 3 little boys who are complete animals , youd think i had them w/ a monkey how they act. But i do it one day at a time, my day is get up, get my oldest to school, make breakfast for me and the middle one, feed the youngest every 2 hrs, take them ona  walk, get them down for a nap.. get my oldest home from school, make dinner have a little movie time, then when they are asleep i do homework and finally i sleep.. oh except for being up every 2 hrs w/ the newborn

Answer 8

I could never imagine being married to a guy like that.  I have a 4 week old, and my Husband works 60 hours a week, and could not be any more involved in our Son.  He wakes up with me every night, changes poopy diapers, feeds the baby and never complains.  If I had someone that did not help at all,   I would seriousely consider my relationship with them, I would have to sit down and have a major conversation about the problem, and then go from there.    

Answer 9

I would continue to do it all. Supposedly " we women were designed" for the nurturing and all that. And the men not so much or at all.

BUT I would ask him if he could get up and grab bottles, diapers, etc. while I handle it all since he isn't  comfortable with the baby stage. (I know he said doesn't like the baby stage)

Taking into consideration either he's not comfortable (feeling insecure) or maybe he's lying either way baby still needs mommy.

  

Answer 10

Well, maybe just tell him that he should have said so in the first place so that you wouldn't be in this situation? Just kidding..haha...

You really need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him about sharing parental responsibility. He may be afraid of handling the baby because babies are sometimes just so delicate. Whatever it is, just clear the air so that you both are clearer about what you need to do.

The baby stage is a time when most of the bonding takes place. You'll see the envy on his face when baby is closer to you than him ;)

Cheers!

Answer 11

Don't have food when he come home, no kisses, no nothing. Kick his *** into reality.

Answer 12

Well i was in this similar situation, but I am not married, so that is a little different. i need a dedicated father in my baby's life, not a guy who has excuses not to help just because he does not want to. Fact is that baby is just as much his as he is yours. You should really talk to him about how you feel. and "I don't like the baby stage" Wow what a irresponsible thing to say, he needs to wake up and realize he is responsible for someone elses life too! Not just you, your a wonderful mother for being able to do it on your own. But its nice to get the help you need.

As for me I have tried talking to him about everything so many times, and it just goes in one ear and out the other, he says "Thats what a mother is suppose to do" He says I cant go out without baby because mothers are suppose to always be with there child and take care of them. Which i love being with my baby, but i need some nights to myself to be able to go out once and a while. and so do you. So try talking to him about that. Tell him you need some support.  

Answer 13

tell him too bad and this is OUR baby.

Answer 14

I might just have to dump his ***...... seriously.... he sounds like he is being a big baby.      

Answer 15

Pick your day, and have everything ready before he gets up.  Simply say to him, I need a day off, I've been doing this 24/7 since she was born.   Here's everything, and she's in her crib.  I'll be back at 00 pm.  Then leave.  Go to the beauty shop, do the shopping, and take an hour or 2, just for yourself.  Good luck!

Answer 16

Stop doing stuff for him.  

Don't do his laundry, don't cook him dinner, don't pack his lunch, don't *wink, wink* you know....  Tell him "I don't like the adult male stage".

After a week or two of that, sit down and have a legit talk.  Tell him "I don't like the baby stage" doesn't fly.  He helped create the baby- he can help take care of her.

Answer 17

Well that's my husband...I can barley get him to hold the baby so I can shower or eat some food...He say's "I work all day"!! ahh men!

Answer 18

Tell him to get over it and do something to help me out. that is a stupid reason. He too needs to bond with the baby. He doesn't 'like' it b/c it is hard work....he helped to create this baby, he should help to raise her.

Answer 19

Honestly when my ex-husband and i first separated part of our problem was that he didn't help at all.  He said that he worked all day and shouldn't have to help with the baby.  He gave him 1 bottle when he was about 3 weeks old because I was sick and my mom wasn't home to help with the baby.  He changed his diaper once that same day and never changed another diaper or gave another bottle.  We split up and then ended up trying to get back together but then i got pregnant and he left the state after that.  He kept saying he just didn't know what to do with a baby or he didn't like the baby stage blah blah blah.  It just seems stuck in a mans head that the woman takes care of the baby or something I don't know but it would be nice if more of them would step up and help when we need them too.  

Answer 20

please don't listen 2 some of these women, because they sound like they don't have a man in there life. honesty some men just can't get the hang of it. i know because my husband look real crazy the first time he change his son diaper. he may not have done much in the beginning, but when my son got a lil older, like 9 r 11 months he started feeding him, playing with him, putting his clothes on, and watching him 4 me while i got a lil sleep in. so just relax, your husband will grow out of it real soon. and really most men r like that. but if u can't deal with it just talk 2 him, and let him know how u feel, and how it is stressing u out. but hey i hope i help, and again please don't listen 2 these women who r saying u should leave him, because it's not that bad trust me.

good luck

Answer 21

I'd feel really bad for my daughter for having such a loser for a dad. "I don't like the baby stage?" What's that supposed to mean? It's not going to get any easier!

Answer 22

Maybe just mention that if he doesn't do things like bathe, feed, change, etc. then the baby will have a harder time bonding.  If he makes an effort now, then they can bond and build a strong relationship.  Maybe he just doesn't realize how much work it actually is (for you!) or how important it is for the child.  Good luck!

Answer 23

I too had that problem. Men get so excited before and shortly after the baby is born. But then the newness wears off and they often times get tired and worn out easily. BUT, hello, who doesn't! I mean it is tiring for mom too, especially when you are doing it all. My advise, leave dad alone with the baby for a little while each day. Go have a girls day out and let him tend to the babies needs alone. Sometimes they start to feel your pain, and want to help you more. If that doesn't work,,, smack him on the back of the head and knock some sense into him! Dad's are important too. Make a big deal when he does help, make him feel like he is really doing something great! Men are like little kids, the more praise they get the more they want to do something good and get more! Best Wishes.