What would you do if your husband was hiding financial secrets from you?

Question

My husband received a summons to court for not paying a bill. He won't tell me what is due, and i'm completely paid up on everything I owe, but he just won't let me help. He claims he forgot that it wasn't paid, but to get a summons at your front door states something else to me otherwise. I've told him to get financial counseling, and possible psychological (past family history)...but aside from that, does anyone know what he's going to be up against? And is it wrong for me not to help him out with this being his wife? I feel this is the only way he will get a wake-up call for hiding this from me??

Answer 1

Eek, sorry to hear about that. You're suspicions are probaby right about thinking 'otherwise'. A summons is what you get when all attempts at collecting have failed and the final alternative is to sue.

You're not at all wrong for questioning him, after all you share everything as his wife. If you have any joint accounts, loans, mortgage, his credit will serious impact the interest rates your getting now or in the future.

He may have accidentally-on purpose forgotten about it. It's probably for something he bought or did that he doesn't want you to know about. Suppose he took out a loan to pay for some mystery woman/persons gift but didn't pay...he won't want you to know that.

Just be as supportive as you can. If he is found guilty (99.9% chance he will), he'll have to pay up out the 'our money' account at that. If he can't pay, they start garnishing his pay cheque up to 30% and that directly affects you. He's probably under stress.....just be there for him and insist you check both of your credit scores so you BOTH know where you're at.

Good luck!

Answer 2

personally i wouldnt be able to deal with it. what kind of debt could he have that he would need to hide. are his credit cards maxed out from the strip clubs? i dont like sneaks because they are liars. i have to go with leave his @#$$%

Answer 3

I would start stashing cash somewhere and preparing for more c**p to come out.

Seriously.

on edit:

If my spouse would not come clean about why a particular debt went unpaid to the point of being sued, I would not be able to trust that the person would be truthful with me about anything else.

As already stated by another answerer, this will affect your credit too when you apply jointly from now on. The least he could do is come clean about it.

So if my spouse was hiding debts from me, I would start hiding money from my spouse to cover my butt in case there is something much worse out there lurking.

Answer 4

I think you should be more concerned about your husband feeling justified in keeping financial secrets than his inability to let you help him.

Before you put on your superhero cape and come to his rescue, you might want to confront him head on and remind him that you married him for better or worse.  Furthermore, you might want to remind him that marriage is a partnership built on transparency, trust, faith, and love.  

With that said, he needs to tell you what is going on because it affects the partnership.  The two have become one.  What affects him, affects you.  Secrets destroy the level of trust in relationships and builds suspicion.

Should he refuse to apprise you of the situation that caused the summons, then I think this is YOUR wake-up call.  It may not be time to leave him, but it would definitely be an excellent time to re-evaluate the relationship and take inventory of the man who is comfortable keeping you in the dark about his financial past.

I wouldn't worry about if it is wrong for you not to help him.  I would worry more that his stilted thinking is telling him that it is okay to lie to (or omit material information from) his wife -- the woman he has promised to love, cherish, and honor for the rest of his life.

Answer 5

leave his lyin a#@!

Answer 6

A summons doesn't necessarily imply a catastrophe. Credit card companies are going after people for small balances like $600.   A good start for you is for your husband to pull his credit report and let you see it....this would give you the real  scope of the situation ....It would tell you exactly what is going on in his financial life....the cards he has open and the debt level. It would also indicate if he were past-due or if he had defaulted.  If your husband declines to let you see his credit report....you should take this as a bad sign.

You can get your credit report for free once a year at annualcreditreport.com......NOT freecreditreport.com