What would you do if your ?

Question

significant other of over 5 years who hasn't held down a job in over 3 years, who doesn't pay any bills, who when you try and tell him in a nice way to get a job tries to insult you because you are getting tired of carrying ALL of the load?! I asked him why did he have a condom in his wallet and he goes why are you looking through my things? And i reply why do you eat up my food, use my electricity that I pay for?? I work all the time and am tired mostly and he gets upset because i don't want to have s*x. He also gets mad at me because for some reason I can't get pregnant. He also accussed me of doing drugs which I have never done in my life!! He asks me what i do with my money, i tell him bills, kids and neccesities for the house , then he was like if that was my money i'd show you how to manage it! I was like you need to manage to get a job and hold it down for some years and then you can tell me something! I mean what in h**l is wrong with him? Why does he try to make it seem like i'm doing wrong when all i do is work, pay bills and work? Iy seems like he is never going to get it together we've been dating since 2003!! And he still acts like he wants to do nothing!! What can I do? Serious answers please. Thanks!

Answer 1

s*x usually makes a lot of stress in the house of any couples if absent. The theory of not having s*x to a man is totally different than a woman. I'm talking about %1000 different. This issue can cause a lot of stress and tension in the house. It will make him angry and usually ends up with total miscommuncation and misunderstanding between the two of you.

On the other hand, I don't think that's the case now because you guys have been together for five years now. You also said that he didn't get a job for 3 years now. How about the first 2 years when he was working? where was his money going? Was the s*x life fine? Did the s*x life stop or hasn't been as before after a few months of him losing the job?

If not, then he's spoiled now. He has someone to pay for his everything and at the end of the day, he can sit home watch TV, drink, have s*x and sleep so why not.

But if you think it all began when the s*x life changed, then you need to fix this.

Usually a man that is doing nothing can feel it that he is useless, and therefor gets angry at his significant other since he has no one else in his life probably So don't worry about the part of him blaming you, this is a normal reaction from a person who doesn't have anything else to do.

My advice is to give him s*x if that's the case and talk to him about working. If this isn't the case then you should kick him out or break up to make him wake up and feel the responsibility of life whether it's temporarily or permanently, that's up to you.

Answer 2

Sounds exactly like my first husband... and I left him after enduring that c**p, and more for 13 yrs.  Wouldn't work, wouldn't do anything around the house.  You are fighting a loosing battle sweetie.. if you've been doing this for 5 years, it's not going to change.  So.... you must decide whether to invest anymore time in this relationship, or cut your losses and leave now.  I can tell you from experience and I promise you...he will NOT change.  These kind of people just think the world owes them a living, and they don't have to do anything to get by, but leach off of someone else...that is what is happening to you.  He does not love you, nor does he respect you....cause if he did, he'd be working and contributing to this relationship.  Time to move on...

Answer 3

He is nothing but a lazy bum why the h**l are you still with him.

If he has condoms on him and you dont use them then he is probably cheating on you.

Leave the bum thats what you can and should do.

Answer 4

You asked so here goes...............

To me it sounds like any love that you shared has gone out the back door.

He is now in a comfort zone.You work and he plays.

Time....and l mean time...you booted this loafer out on his backside.

You need to get a backbone and quickly realize that you are being taken for granted.

Believe you me....there are better times ahead for you ...but it is not with this guy....

Answer 5

Seems like you don't like his lazy personality (no one will), and you can't patiently help him correct (he have to willing to change too).

The love between you two is gone. You still want to hold on a no love relationship?

If you love him, you will help him correct.

If he love you, he won't have the heart to see you have heavy load and take the whole responsibility of the family.

You two have to work on regain the love between you two. Or separate and found someone will care and love you more.  

Answer 6

If it were me and there were no mutual kids involved i would end the relationship. It sounds like he makes himself feel better by making you feel bad. I am sure 5 years of that c**p has gotten old. Since you already have the means to support yourself it's time to go. the condom part you talked about also sounds like you do not trust him. That is something that you cannot fix. If you guys do have kids together it gets tricky because they deserve to know their dad. In that case see if you can both get to counseling,alone and together. if you have insurance they will sometimes waive the co pay once your deductible is met. Another option might be your church if you attend. Either way you guys are in a bad situation and you do not deserve to be taking advantage of and verbally abused.

  

Answer 7

My wife and I are lucky because neither of us need to work outside the home. We do work from home but not extended hours. We share all of the income and have plenty left over for us to have fun and enjoy life with. I don't carry condoms because my wife and I do not use them and s*x without her is not an option for me. My significant other is my wife though and marriage is an institution we both respect. We share love and both do our parts as love, respect and dedication of our marriage would mandate. I hope you both are able to work this all out and are able to inject or restore respect into your relationship. Good luck.

Answer 8

He is using you to take care of him, and you are allowing it.  there is nothing that you can do, but ask him to leave or to have him put out of the house.  You are being made a fool of.  He is manipulating you like a puppet, and you are allowing your children to see him do it.  They will grow up thinking that this is normal, and have bad relationships too.  Children learn by example.  Do something about it.

Answer 9

Yea, well let the lazy mommas boy move back home and see what his mother thinks of him after she has supported him for a while.  YOU CAN DO BETTER-better is being by yourself.  Mr know it all doesn't know a thing.  Plus he thinks he can "help" you better manage your money-he sure can-he can leave and you'll have much more money.  Less food to buy-laundry to do and "nonsense to listen to."

I'd call his mother and tell her her baby needs a diaper change and to get her butt over here to pick him up.  Then enjoy the movie-it'll be great!

You go girl-and get your life back

Answer 10

Why are you still there? He's not going to get it together. Why should he? He's just found the hen that lays the golden eggs. Dump him ASAP and stop wasting your life.

Answer 11

Honestly, the only thing wrong with him is that he has an enabler who has put up with his lazy butt for the past five years.  Send him back to the one who "thinks he can do better."  

Answer 12

He's a lazy good for nothing bum and you've let him sponge off you for 5 years?  Kick him to the curb and get on with your life.  You seem to have a very good work ethic and can certainly do a lot better in the men department.  Also, if he has a condom in his wallet and this is not the method of birth control that you use with him, then he's cheating on you!  Just another reason to kick his butt out of your life.