What would you do if your significant other did this?

Question

A husband (of 7 years if that matters) found a job that he was really excited about applying for. He already has a job, but this one would have more benefits and would make him happier. He even told his closest friends about the job. However, he never mentioned anything to his wife. He was on the phone with his wife and overheard him discussing it with one of his friends who had stopped by to talk to him for a second, and she got really upset with him.

She told him that she had a right to know these things, as it would affect both of them. However, in response, he said that he has a right to keep this stuff to himself and that she needs to stop being so "pissy" when she was simply asking him why she kept this from her. Then, he hung up on her.

What would you do if you were her?

Answer 1

Yes he should have discussed it with her. But maybe he didn't want to get her hopes up. Men don't like to disappoint their women. It's hard on their egos. Maybe he wanted to surprise her when it got closer to him actually getting the job.

However, the reason he acted like a fool was because he was being called out while his friend was standing right there. Guys will take a hard-*** approach so they don't look whipped. The whole hanging up on her thing was nothing but showing off to his buddy. Although it would p**s me off, I would understand that. When they talked 1:1 he hopefully had a slightly different demeanor.

Answer 2

Com on! a husband of 7 years. look up the definition of marriage.

He has no right to keep anything to him self. Especially something like that. Unless if he is getting  a job as a male stripper or something..idk.

i think it's pretty childish for him not tell his wife.  

the wife has every right to be upset. and i think the husband need to grow up and treat his wife with some respect and dignity.  

Answer 3

I would be mad because he's my husband he's supposed to trust me with anything and everything. Well revenge isn't good at all, so i would just try to have a good talk and ask him why doesn't he trust me or why he doesn't include me - but tell her to try to talk it out, not argue because then it won't get anywhere.

Answer 4

If he is keeping somehting this simple from her, then what else does he hide from her? They are married. She has a right to know these things. I would go see a marriage councelor to find out why he is keeping secrets♥

Answer 5

i would go back to doing the dishes like a good wife lol

Answer 6

There are far more problems than that in this marriage.  He should have come to her first before he even applied for it.  She should be upset.  He has no respect or regard for her at all.  If it were me, I would leave.    

Answer 7

It seems like your mind went directly to the negative.  What if he didn't want to upset you by making changes & didn't want you to worry until it was concrete?  Do you have a habit of getting upset easily?  Or what if he wanted to surprise you?  I don't know.  My point of view is that people wouldn't lie about something like that or conceal it unless they were afraid of negativity from their partner.  Maybe he just can't talk to you.  You pretty much proved that on the phone.  If he wanted to continue hiding it he would have put you on hold & never let you overhear that.  And when you did hear it you "got really upset with him".  Maybe he doesn't want to talk to someone who's always upset.

Answer 8

I don't think he did anything wrong.   If he had accepted a job with out telling her that is wrong.  If he got an offer for the position without telling her, that is wrong.  If he went to an interview without telling her that's close but falls with in acceptable to me, nobody enjoys talking about job interviews unless they get an offer.   However in your question you say he only found a job he is "excited about applying for".  That makes sense to me, there are no consequences for applying so no it does not impact your friend if he has just applied.  

She is probably more concerned that he was willing to discuss this with his friends and not with her.  But given the time they have been together, he probably values your friend's(his wife) opinion of him more then his reputation with his friends.  He finds it easier to tell his friends he applied and was rejected, or lie to them and say he didn't want the job after all.  But he may not want to be in a position to have to confess to his wife that he was rejected, and wouldn't want to lie to her.  Its not about lack of trust or confidence.  Its about wanting to project the image of himself as a "successfull" person to his wife.

Hanging up on someone is never nice, but I guess you would have to be there, to make a call on that.    

Just my opinion

Answer 9

First of all, YOU are his 'closest friend' - in fact you are his BEST FRIEND and way closer than his other 'close friends'.  You are supposed to know everything about him - no secrets, no attitude, total honesty, truth, sharing, respect, TRUST........that's what best friends do!

I'd google relationship tips and see if there is some way to get back to being best friends, if you ever were, or go find myself a real best friend to be married to!

Answer 10

I would sure get to the bottom of his bad attitude with me if this were my husband. I would be really upset that he knew something of this importance and shared it with someone else first especially being his wife and I was standing right there as he blurted it out. This wife was not being pissy sweetie her husband was unfeeling and rude to her.

Answer 11

my husband's friend actually TOOK a job that was lower in pay, and didn't even tell his wife.  i'd have KILLED him.  

this husband that you are talking about is a jerk.  after she smacks him upside the head, they need to talk.  true, the job is a better one, but once you are in a marriage, ANY decision affects the both of you.

Answer 12

I would think he would want to tell her about it.  Why keep something like that a secret unless it was a surprise?  I would have a talk with him and ask him what the big deal and secret was.  

If I were her I would think he had something else going on.  That maybe he wasn't even talking about a job at all but something he didn't want me to know about.  The whole thing sounds strange.

Answer 13

If I were the wife, I would be very upset too!  

However, I would also understand that getting this job must be a big thing for him and he isn't THAT confident he would get it, hence afraid to tell me !  I would understand that in HIS eyes, if things effect the relationship in the way that may improve it, he doesn't think he would need my input.

I would then find the right moment asap to apologize for my outburst & at the same time find a gentle & feminine way to let him know that I am already proud of him whether he gets this job or not.  Most importantly to let him know that it really upset me & made me feel rejected to be left out of something as important to him as this.

???

Answer 14

I would be upset!  A marriage should share with each other how they feel.  He didn't have the right not to share his news with his wife.  

Answer 15

kick his  a$$

Answer 16

Go get a job at Hooters then explain to him that it's your right to keep this stuff to yourself and to stop being so pissy over it...

Kidding....

I'd be pissed too! You're 100% right. His career choices affect BOTH of you. Marriage/relationships are a 'we/us' thing. Not a 'me,me,me' thing. Hopefully he'll figure this out soon.  

Answer 17

I don't know what I would do.

I think that this is a symptom of some larger issues in the marriage.  In a healthy marriage, he would share his excitment with her and discuss the direction this might take them with her.

Answer 18

I would not consider him my significant other and would take it that he has plans for himself that do not include me and I better take care of myself  

Answer 19

Hey, to be honnest i'd be more annoyed he hung up on me, however speaking from the male's point of view you ever know the reasons.  It might be he found his job, however through pride or whatever thought little or nothing would become of it and he didn't want his and her hopes too high.  I think this is probably the best explination.. and with regard to what to do about it talk to him ... always the first things to do should be to sit and talk to him because usually it will all come out in talk :-)

Good luck in what you choose.

Answer 20

Wow, they need to sit down and have a serious conversation.  He wouldn't like that if she did it to him.  It's her right to know, as a wife what is going on with her husband.  The two of them have become one, and he has no business that isn't her business.  Whatever decisions he makes with his life (even the smallest ones) affects her.  If that doesn't work, then go to a counselor.  And don't forget to pray about the situation, especially before you speak to him.  Good luck!

Answer 21

I would rearrange all kinds of things. The house, garage, move the kitchen around. Then give him his response right back. It's the little things that matter most.