What would you do if your teenage kid pooped in their pants?

Question

My 16 year old pooped herself at school today. I adopted her when she was 12 and I think she was just nervous. I am basically a new parent but I never would have thought that kids of this age had accidents. Instead of scolding her, I cleaned her up and left it at that. She was crying and extremely embarassed beyond measure and told me that the nurse basically dismissed her when all she asked was if she could call me. Should I just drop this and leave it or talk to the nurse personally and tell her that she could have at least called me? Did I do the right thing? She is old enough to know better and she assures me she knows that. I am thinking I should just drop it and not metion it to her. But I don't think it's right even for a high school nurse, to allow a student to stay in soiled underpants, all she had to do was allow her to call me.

Answer 1

I relate to your concern about how much the adoption may be an underlying cause. Is this normal? Is this the adoption? I struggle with these two questions DAILY with my son. Parenting simply takes on a new level of complexity with adoption!

It sounds like you did the right thing by minimizing the situation for her. However, the nurse shouldn't be let off the hook so easily. She is an employee in a service industry where you and your community pay her salary. She should be made aware that your daughter is allowed to call you WHENEVER she needs to call you. Do consider that the nurse may explain that your daughter visits more frequently than other kids, asks to call you "too often," and whatever else may be going on that you don't know about. No matter the situation, the nurse should have been more sensitive to your daughter's anxiety, despite the modesty of your daughter during their conversation.

Are there other behaviors or emotional concerns that may lead you to consider a deeper issue? You would know better than anyone when you listen to your gut instinct. If she is adjusting well to her new life with you, and this was an isolated incident, it's just one of those things that happens to everyone at one point or another.

*hugs*

Answer 2

Wow. You should definitely go and talk to the nurse!!! This is wrong, and not just because of the soiled pants, a lot of times teenagers DO feel sick and often school nurses just don't want to have more work to do.

Don't let this go.  

Answer 3

I agree that a 16yr old should know better. She must've been really nervous...and I don't mean that to sound like a joke. I would just leave it alone. If it happens again then I think you might have a problem. The nurse on the other hand needs to have a talking to by you and the principal. I don't care if she's 6 or 16 you don't just let someone walk around with soiled pants. She should've allowed her to call you and you need to talk to the nurse and principal about that TOMORROW, first thing.

Answer 4

tell her that she needs to learn and that she shouldnt get nervous

Answer 5

OMG I think you should talk to the nurse just to see what she has to say about it. Poor girl I'm wondering if she is getting bullied at school to make this happen ... AND That nurse is so cruel to think about it!!! YES talk to that nurse that was not right at all.. Good luck with this  

Answer 6

I would strongly recommend talking to the nurse.  Just my opinion.  She should know how you feel.  

Answer 7

Buy a pooper scooper?

Seriously, I wouldn't make a big deal about it.  She's already embarrassed to death.  That is a horrible thing to happen to a teen:  embarrassment.

So, leave it alone; don't make it worse for her.

But I would definitely have a talk with that nurse.  That was poor nursing.

Answer 8

I happens to the best of us. Some of us will just have a very crazy day of incontinence and oops. I think it was wrong of the nurse. But, just let it go, you might tell her that many adults accidentally do this (it's true, embarrasingly enough happened to me only about a month ago), and just leave it at that.

Answer 9

a 16 years old pooped? o.o wow... i'll just say its nothing to worry about just don't do it again  

Answer 10

OMG that is soo sad! that is sooo mean that the nurse would do that!! definetly talk to her and ask her what her problem is!

Good luck tell u daughter its okay and she will move onn

we all understand so dont stress booohooo that is soo sad

Answer 11

the nurse should have let her call you - that was quite insensitive (and frankly illogical) of her not to let her.  It's not at all unusual for that kind of incident to happen with someone who was adopted at age 12 and has had to deal with a lot of instability in their young life. She needs empathy.

Talk to the nurse. It will (if anything) show your daughter that you are prepared to protect her in life.

Answer 12

you should talk to the nurse.

that had to be very embarrassing for your daughter and

the nurse only made it worse by letting her walk around like that.

you should deff. set things straight

Answer 13

Did she refuse to tell the nurse what was wrong when she asked to call you?

Either way I do think they should have let her call you - the students aren't prisioners!

I would keep it a non-issue with your daughter though, unless it happens again, forget about it.

Answer 14

WOW!

Answer 15

Accidents happen - especially if the teacher wouldn't give her a pass for the bathroom.  Find out what happened and take the appropriate action.  However, if the nurse wouldn't let her call you, then I would take it up with the nurse, principal and school board.  That is leaving your child open to ridicule and is definitely not acceptable.

Answer 16

Take her to therapy...something is wrong..or take her to the family doctor

I would also go to the school and set the nurse straight...I would also send a letter to the principle and the superintendent...there is no way that the nurse should have allowed her to be like that and not allow her to call you...1. Its unhygentic...f***s carries alot of bateria and 2. its just inhumane to make a person stay in soiled clothes all day...I would be PISSED...

Answer 17

Why not talk to your daughter about why it happened?  Perhaps she needs to see a doctor.

Answer 18

As a parent you should certainly call and speak to the nurse to let her know you are unhappy with how she handled the situation. You also need to contact a pediatric psychologist because a 16 year old pooping their pants is definitely not normal. Also it is strange that you had to "clean her up". Have to wonder why a 16 year old couldn't do that herself, or be embarassed to have her mother doing it for her. Perhaps she is disabled. If so that would make more sense.  

Answer 19

maybe the teacher wouldn't let her go to the restroom.  that does happen.  i know a teacher who wouldn't let me nephew go an he pied his pants.

Answer 20

I would contact the school principal or superintendent of the school and talk to them about it.  If the child needs clothing for a certain reason they can't say NO.  

Answer 21

you could ask your daughter if its ok with her if you talk to the school nurse - to up her for the way she treated your daughter. explain tahts its for her benefit and she should not have been treated that way. if your daughter doesnt want you to respect that but make sure she understands why you wanted to. she sounds fragile and needs someone there for her. do you two get along well or is it a difficult relationship? you could always do "team builing" sctivities and connect with her so when she does have a problem she can talk to you in the future. Also maybe conscider a mobile phone for her. Her school sounds strict and possibly opressing. She may need to contact you and that is a good option. Just dont get one on a plan. Hope all goes well. You are doing a great job as a mother, asking for help is hard but it shows you are determined and care about her a lot.

Good on you.

Answer 22

Um, seriously?  This sounds like a troll question.

Answer 23

somtimes it happens i know i have been there and i am a adult  my mother in laws also has this happen every once in awhile