What would you do in this situation? Would you even be friends? ?

Question

I was with my ex for 13 years. We had met in high school and was together most of the time, but I had seen other people, before we were together and when we would split up for awhile. We split up around 3 years ago and had been seeing each other off and on until this year. We haven't talked for about 6 months now but he's been slowly coming around. Last week he was watching me when I was shopping, I know it was him. Soon he will come to my house and want to hang out again. He was a bad person, but in ways also a very good person. To explain, he helped me get my life together in ways when I was down on my luck (didn't give me much money but actual manual labor, fixed everything in my home broken, mowed grass, men chores what I call them), stood up for me to anyone (even his own family or mine) and would literally risk her life to save me. The down side, he would cheat on me with younger girls and women (he was around 18 when he started this-it went on entire relationship until 30s). We would get in a fight, it would get out of control, and he would sometimes beat me so bad I had to be put in the hospital. Sometimes he would publicly humiliate in front of others. Then he would be good to me again, for long time not cheat, then he would get bored and take off again cheating with what he called friends. All his friends were women. He would never admit the cheating, but has recently admitted to these things. He says I pushed his buttons when we fought, sometimes I did but still feel he could have handled things differently. He says he wants to be with me in an open relationship, but he's not sure how much open it could be on my side because he hates the thought of me being with other people (which I wouldn't want anyway). That made me mad and I said no. Now he wants to just be friends. What about it? Is it worth risking him being on my back to be his friend when he will probably not be satisfied with that? Sometimes I feel like I owe him something. Just want opinions.

Answer 1

walk away, dont look back,

Answer 2

You ALREADY were supposed to have LEARNED that the guy is a manipulative player, so WHY would you even consider him a FRIEND anyway?  He has never been a real friend, and never is likely to BE a friend.

LEARN from your mistakes - do not be stupid and REPEAT them!!  

Answer 3

No. Unless you like being his sexual outlet when he can't find some other bimbo.  Move on without him in your life at all.  Either do the "man" chores yourself, or hire them out.  Stay away from him.  He's poison to the soul.

Answer 4

you owe him nothing..don't even let him draw you in...keep it in the over department...you will be safer and saner..

Answer 5

The first time he ever laid a hand on  you, anything you "owed" him went right out the door. I don't know how you can stand to look at him, let alone be friends with him.

Answer 6

So long as you remain friends with this man, he will continue to humiliate you, manipulate you, and use you. You need to utterly and completely cut this guy out of your life, or you will never get over him and will never find a man that will treat you with love and respect. I guarantee it. The fact that you would put up with this at all makes me really wonder about your mental health. I am not being critical, either. He has emotionally abused you for years, and your esteem must be shot. I strongly urge you to seek some professional counseling. I don't see how you can say that he has helped you get your life together when you are merely a toy in his life, and little else. This man is using you like a dirty sponge, and so long as you are in an "open" relationship with him, you risk contracting an STD from him. He is your ex for a reason. You are completely wasting your time with him. Please seek help. Your life can be SO much better than this. I promise you that.

Good luck!

Answer 7

If you can list more cons in a relationship rather then pros, you don't need to be with them or dealing with them. He beat you, disrespected and deceived you. He doesn't care about you, and anyone can come help you out and fix things around your house, doesn't mean that they care about you and respect you. Move on with your life and don't look back, you wasted all this time with a lying, cheating abuser so don't waste anymore of your life. Most people never get out of abusive relationships and you actually have the chance to redeem your life. If a man loved you, he would never hurt you like that, he's not a friend, a lover, only a horrible memory in your life that you should get over. He owes you for the pain and misery, you don't owe him a thing. Worry about getting up your self esteem because obviously if you feel like you owe a man who beat you to the point of putting you in the hospital, then obviously you don't think much of yourself. A real man wouldn't do that to you, he's just a punk who beats on women because he can't face a real man one on one.

Answer 8

Were you ever married to him?   If you weren't married, I would NOT resume the relationship............

http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html

http://www.marriagedivorce.com

Answer 9

Actually I wouldn't give him the time of day because he hit and abused  me and cheated on me. Learn form your lessons. You need to move on and stop repeating the same mistakes. The next beating you get may kill you...

Answer 10

Abuse is wrong...and hard to stop...But some people can mature and realize they were wrong and change their lives. If this man can appreciate you for who you are and not as some past relationship...you have a chance to forgive. You know your heart best...go with your heart and be confident that there are fantastic people in this world and you see them every day.

Answer 11

You do not owe him, he is lucky he did not serve time for the assault.  You do NOT need this in your life at any time.  He has serious issues.  He needs serious help.  You need serious distance.  He may have some good qualities some of the time but they are quickly forgotten when he is abusive or hateful.  I can't imagine why you would even speak to this person.  Don't you deserve better?