What would you do or even think? Please advise?

Question

My so called best friend is one of those people who always try to "beat you" or "do better" or "one up" whatever you do. To try and make a long story short...our 3 year old sons go to the same preschool (cause she just had to put her son where I put my son) Last year she talked to the school about moving her son to the 4 year old class and out of the 3s. She said they they said he was not ready for that. This school year we got the same letter saying they were in the same level class 3year olds. Well somehow 2 weeks later she tells me the day of that her son is now in the 4 year old class. I found that kind-of weird because she said they just put him in it because he is so smart. (school hasn't even started and they have not seen him all summer) So when I asked her just that, she got all crappy friend like and said things to me like "well last year when the director was talking you about your child being advanced..she really had the kids confused so really she was talking about my kid not yours. They told me not to say anything to you" and then said "I told them that your son would be the one who needs to repeat the 3yo class and that mine would need to go to the 4 yo class" ...her son does not know the alphabet no letter recognition, does not know the days of the week and months of the year. My son knows the alpabet upper and lower case recognition, know the months of the year and days of the week. And they moved her son up because he's so smart??? I called and asked the director why my son was not placed ahead and she said b/c he has trould sitting still. And the her son can sit still so he was moved up?? That makes so sense to me at all. my so called friend then began to tell me how much more mature her son was than main and so on and so on. I don't know who to believe or what to do. Why should a school reward a child for sitting still and not learning and not reward a child for learning and not sitting still?

Answer 1

well first of all, its a matter of confidentiality your child's success and should not be spoken about with another parent and i would complain on the matter!  They should not tell another parent the ups or downs of your child's education...I would talk to the director and tell her that you are very disappointed that they would even consider to talk to another parent about your child, that it is absolutely none of their business and that they should have more respect for you and your child than to talk to other parents about his achievements.  Your child as well as you have rights and its not fair that they dishonor these rights...

Obviously your friend is jealous (and not a very good friend)...  Move your child to a different preschool!  

they probably moved her kid up to get rid of him faster...that way they get rid of her faster :)

Answer 2

Wow this sounds straight out of a really fun and exciting movie.

Just ignore her, she's just jealous. Lol

Everyone wants their kid to be on top.. Dont be vexed. No school would purposefully tell one mother to hide information from another mother. Thats just hilariously weird. xD Just ignore her and have your son work his way up the educational ladder.

Concentrate on educating him. Read to him every night and have him practicing what he learns in school at home. Make him think its cool to do things right.

Have fun teaching him at home and the teachers will have to move him up, and your little friend will have to move past her little rivalry towards you and your son. Lol.

God I was just like that when i was a kid. savvy and yet i couldnt sit still either haha.

Answer 3

Your 3 year old sons are acting more mature than their mothers.

Answer 4

I don't see it as a 'reward' that he got moved up..I'm sure either child could care less (or even understand it too well.) It's YOU who sees it as a big deal..which I can understand to a point. But think..Her son will be at a disadvantage because he will obviously not have it easy..considering how little he knows compared to most 4 year olds. He may get that the others are smarter than he is. Your son will have the advantage of being 'the smart one' in his class..this can be good for his self-confidence and self-esteem. I agree with the answerer who said ur 'friend' probably threw a fit and got her way. Don't let her drag you into this competition stuff..rise above it and refuse to participate. No one is forcing you to reply to her comments..get rid of her!

Answer 5

Sounds like you have several distinct issues and perhaps addressing them individually will help you choose the path that is best for your son and yourself.

Sounds like your friend is focused on image rather than relationship.  It is not your responsibility to make her better and in fact if you try to tell her then you will succeed in getting her mad.  To reprove a fool is to gain his (or her) scorn - don't do it, you have nothing to gain.  Let her be who she is and be who you are.  If you are not comfortable being around her then don't go around her.  Choose healthy relationships.

As for the school - consider that just because someone is running a school that does not automatically make them an expert nor does it make their decisions the best ones.  When my daughter was two she could read - when she was 3 she was in Montessori school - when she was 5, after we moved from FL to MA, we put her into another Montessori school where the director told us she needed physiological help.  After listening to the director I agreed that we would seek assistance and then asked what the school would do to assist on their end and she said nothing (see the ignorance?)  One thing the director did not know is that one of our close friends is a practicing Psychiatrist who often indicated that our daughter was quite well adjusted.  The story continued to develop and as I continued to interviene I realized that the director was imature and a very poor leader.  In fact I began dealing with the teachers directly and opened their eyes to many things that helped them to develop their own maturity.  After that one year we moved our daughter to public school where she has always been an "A" student and doing quite well.  Morale to the story is spend some time at the school with your son and see for yourself what is going on in the classroom.  Rate the school for yourself and if you are not satisfied then move your son to another school.  While in FL I visited several schools and spent 2 or three hours in each facility (with my daughter) before talking with my daughter to decide which school was best (she was 3 at the time) - we found a wonderful school and she accelled.  In MA we had limited options the first year (kindergarten) but options were much better in first grade so we moved her.

Don't get caught up into pushing your son into a higher grade because while his intellect may be well suited to handle the situation - his emotional development will likely not be developed enough for the challenge of older kids.  This could cause more harm than good.  As noted above our daughter has done well and continues to do well in school (now 13) and it is very helpful that the school work is easy for her because the emotional challenges do take a ton of effort and time from her.  And, she has the time to develop her social skills (and she is doing that to) because she is not struggling to keep up academically.

Your friend may like the moment in the sun (in her mind) at her son's expense but her son may have h**l to pay for her pride.  It is a sad situation for her and for the school director but you do have the right to choose.  If the options are not available right now then keep you focus on the future and what is best for your son - not you.

The bible says that parents are for the upbuilding of the children - not the other way around.

Let you son be a 3 year old and don't worry about hurrying him along.  It sounds like you are a caring Mom so trust your heart and use your head to evaluate the situations and school choices without emotional interference and I'm sure you and your son will be fine.

Oh yes, consider more mature friends.  For each child in school there is an attached parent or two - plenty of possible friends.  Choose the mature ones - their kids will likely be mature too.

Answer 6

I would be livid and very confused. I think the problem lies with both the school and your "so called" friend. I understand why they might hesitate to move up a younger, potentially distracting student, but still. The school is off in their logic.

The most gifted people in the world are some of the most active, rambunctious and eccentric people. It just makes them that much more fascinating.

P.S. Annex the toxic "So called" friend. She's not worth the trouble she causes. If she has to put down a 3 year old child to feel better about herself, she's got issues.

Answer 7

Petty squabbling.  Let it go.

Answer 8

I would let her child move up to the 4yr. old class, congratulate her on her child being so smart, let my child stay in the 3yr. old class, where he will be perfectly happy (trust me on this), and then I would be rid of her(which would make me perfectly happy(because she is truely no friend to you) (trust me on this)!! Then in a year or two, when the children are older, when yours goes to a higher grade than hers, be very gracious, and simply say, "he finally learned to sit still, I guess"!!As you pass her in the hallway!! LOL!!!

Good Luck to you!!

Answer 9

Honestly, in your case it sounds more like an act of "favoritism" instead of which is the brighter child. It could also be that they moved her child ahead because they were tired of listening to her mouth. Don't let it bother you, my son is 2 and my sisters is 15 months and she acts like her kid is the "greatest child ever was" but truthfully he breaks everything he touches and he has no rules or foundation. Let's just say her son has broken 3 cell phones and she keeps letting him do as he pleases..compared to my son who knows that "no means no" and he has never broke anything before. If you let your friend know that she bothers you when it comes to your children, she will make sure that she bothers you more. Good Luck and don't sweat it. Her child is only going to be left behind in the teaching department.

Answer 10

1) you call her your so -called friend.

Based on her behavior she isn't a friend, she is an annoying acquaintence. Why do you wnat this trouble maker, who causes you worry and anguish in your life at all.

2) sometimes schools care to much about children being quiet and obedient. they like that.

not sensible, but true.

3) Your son doesn't need this hostility and competition any more than you do.  Let him be what he is, forget about the put downs by this person who does not seem to be a benefit in your life..

Answer 11

I am sure you son is just as smart as anybody else's kid. Don't let this girl get the best of you. Tell her you are happy for her and her son but you are happy where your son is he is progressing exactly as he should he won't have the added stress of keeping up with older kids. I am sure your child and hers are probably friends and it is shame she pushed her kid ahead like that. I bet he is going to miss his buddy your son.

All children need love and support and I am sure that is how you feel about your son. You might mention that Bill Gates never got a degree until recently he got a honary degree from Harvard.I don't think he came out to shabby what do u think?

My last thing to tell you is this. Tell this girlfriend you do not appreciate her going out of her way to hurt your feelings and that is exactly what she is doing. You might tell her if she continues on that path you may have to end the friendship. You deserve respect just like everyone else. Good luck gurl

'

Answer 12

i had a friend like tha tin high school grandted it wasnt the same exact situation. but she had to be center of attention if you did something she had to twist things and  basically put you down in order to feel better and more secure about herself. Needless to say i ended out friendship becasue after a few years of tha ti got sick of it. i think it's a bit the same as wha t you're dealing wiht, she ahs to make her son out to be better than yours to feel like she's better than you in a way. Schools are like that too, they'll try to label your son as "not ready" jsut becasue he's a bit antsy and likes to move around, some children do that and really he's only three, i personally think the school is sitting around wiht their thiumbs up theri butts and only moved your friends child up becasue she probably called and pitched such a big fit they gave her her own way.