What would you do/previously in the wrong category?

Question

we have the oppurtunity to foster our two month old niece, her mother is a drug addict and the baby was born addicted, her mother has not been heard from since April 27th and the baby needs to be placed in foster care, we would like to adopt her, but since the mother is no where we really don't know how she feels about it, we do know the mother is still using and living on the streets....my question is: WOULD YOU FOSTER THE BABY...WAIT AND SEE IF SHE CAN BE ADOPTED FIRST OR DO IT NOW FOR THE BABIES BENEFIT, we are just worried of making complete lifestyle changes just for the mother to come and rip her out of our arms, would you foster her either way, why or why not...we meet with the social worker tommorow

Additional Details

31 minutes ago

it is almost fate, we have been trying to conceive for over a year, my husband does have a 13 year old that we have in the summer.....I am ready to make the changes neccesary, but unlike when you are pregnant and have 7-10months to plan for a baby we have like 2 weeks, so that is what makes it a bit scary...if that's the right word I don't know we are excited and ready to give her all of the love we can no matter what the out come is, her mom has been on the streets for 4+ years, using and prostituting, so our chances of getting her are high, her mother has tried to get clean and she is 9 weeks old....but maybe god willing she will get clean and then we will have a niece, if not then a daughter.....

Answer 1

You should be able to adopt her before the "general public" can.  I live in BC, and the Ministry of Children and Family Development will look for family members to foster and adopt before they look for someone who is unrelated to adopt.

Foster her, she is safer in your arms than those of a stranger.  If her mom gets clean then you know you did the right thing for your neice, if she doesn't then you have still done the right thing and you have a daughter.

Congratulations, I suspect you will be parenting this little girl for a long time.

Answer 2

You need to adopt this child. Imagine if her mom takes her on the streets with her. Where will she be then? It sounds like it won't be hard to prove her unfit. This may cause a big riff between you & the mother but I would rather the mother not talk to me than see the baby die on the streets (or worse) & know that it was because I didn't do any thing. This baby deserves a chance in life, She deserves to have a good life. You can get custody based on abandonment. I went thru the same situation with my sister. I testified against my sister for my brother-in-law. My niece is now a wonderful mother of 3. Save this child!!!! A mother who does drugs while pregnant (as my sister did) should go to jail.

Answer 3

I think I would do it if I was in your situation.  The foster care system always looks to family first when placing a child.  If you are interested in adopting her, it is best that she is placed with you so she doesn't keep moving around from house to house.  Keep in mind that her biological parents may try to reclaim her, so be mentally prepared for that, but it is really hard to get your child back if you're still using.  If she cleans up her act, she may have a fight.

Answer 4

good on you for even thinking about doing this! it sounds as if you love ur neice and the baby very much.  personally, i think fostering her would be a fantastic idea, that way you can support ur neice to keep her child if possible, and if she can't, the baby may stay with family who have loved her from the beginning.  It is busy getting ready to foster, but it is so worth it at the end. consider talking to a lawyer to explore your options. good luck and god bless!

Answer 5

I am in a similar situation to you.

Me and my husband have been trying for a baby for a numbber of years and our nephew was born addicted to drugs and therefore taken away from his parents. At the momnet he is living with my in laws but we have put ourselves forward to foster him.

His parents have tried to get clean but they have still had some "problems"  

The court will decide if the baby should go back to his parents, if not he will be coming to us.

Its a hard decision to make and you have to be 100% sure you want this. If you do someone will come and visit you both at your home to "asess" you both. Be warned that its is quite in depth but it is so worth it. If you and your husband feel confident that this is what you want then I would say go for it. If the court says the child will live with you then I think it would be quite difficult for the mother to come and try and get the child back.

In our case, our nephews biological parents would still have visitation rights. This is fine with us as we will still be bringing him up and he would be much safer and happier with us. We just have his best interests at heart.

Good luck, Please let us know what you decide to do.

Answer 6

It takes a lot of courage to do this because there is a chance of losing her.  But when you become a mother whether by birth or adoption, you come to realize that your heart resides outside your body and can be broken through no action of your own.

If you decide to do this, it might be a good idea to get in a foster-adopt support group, or join something like Alanon because this mother WILL try to mess with you and your boundaries need to be firm.

Blessings and prayers for all of you as you decide.

Answer 7

i would do it if i were in your case and not worrie about the mother i mean i know she is the mother but really has no right to rip her out of your arms as you say she can get to know her and be a big part of her life if she choses to change. but i say go for it it is scary as you say expecially when it is two weeks but i say give the child a mother and father who love and adore her and only want the best for her and i mean comone you dont want her to be going form place to place to place even though she is so young besides im sure the mother if she cared would rather have her daughter with someone she knew could care for her.

Answer 8

yes i would, and almost did, my brother has a baby, and the mother is a drug addict, the baby was an addict, when he was 5 months mom took off, and baby is with my brother now, when he was 13 months my brother was having some troubles and gave the baby to us for a while, so he could get his life in order, We kept him for 6 months. Its kind of the same and kind of different from your situation, but i think you should do it, and love her and enjoy her,

And congratulations.

Answer 9

I say do it.  Yes, there's a risk of heartbreak here, but you are the ones who have the best opportunity to give this child a good healthy start.  It may be a few months or years, it may be forever.  Take her.  Give her a good home.  

All the rushing around getting ready will give you no time to be scared.  When we adopted, we had four days' notice.

Best of luck to all of you.

Answer 10

Took me over 3 years to get pregnant, but call a laywer and ask them about it all. Serously you need legal advice from someone who is in reach for face to face appt.s.

My sister in law is a druggie also. Has had 6 kids, pregnant with one now. First she gave up rest were taken or given up. she had 2 of the 6 with her, gave one to my mom the other keeping cause she is with it;s daddy, when she has her baby it is going to be given away to my mom until the father gets out of jail.

she is only 23 by the way.