What would you do with a 3yr old?

Question

My neighbors husband passed away yesterday, although we do talk it is very "hi how are you" "how's your husband' short and sweet... However she and my 3yr old daughter have really hit it off. She has a dog (who is a monster) he hates everyone except this woman and my daughter. He frequently gets loose and comes here and sits on our pourch to visit or if he runs up the street our neighbor will take my daughter on her golf cart to catch him and she also talks her on walks daily with this dog... It's really cute. The question is what at this point should we do? Should I take the three yr old to the visitation for a quick visit, should I just send flowers, cook a meal or all of the above. This woman was married for 51 yrs and her children live many states away and she is all alone. It seems like over the last year or so all she has had is this little mean dog and my daughter.

Answer 1

I would get to know her let her know that you are there if she ever needs anything invite her over for dinners yea all of the above, remember she has lost her sole mate of 51 years that has got to be a heavy thing to be handling back to been lonely let her see that there is people who care, I actually think it is so nice and good that your interested in this elderly lady and care about her to many elderly today get forgotten about which is very sad and wrong, sorry got carried away my wife works in an age care facility, anyway yea all of the above.

Answer 2

let her have the friendship with your daughter and yourself, just dont let it get too unhealthy. by that i mean dont let it get to a stage where the woman is depending on you guys all the time, cos you got your own lives to lead too. but maybe you can be there for her in the meantime, at least until she's over the grief a little better. hope this helps

Answer 3

You and your daughter should spend time with this lady and make her feel comforted and cared about. Do something nice for her and don't let her feel lonely. Your suggestions in the description were good, try those too. Do favors for her like yard work and errands. The things i listed should be good enough. Hope this helped.  

Answer 4

Your daughter will probably be a source of comfort to her right now.  Let your daughter make her a pretty drawing and take it to her.  

I don't think there is anything wrong with taking your daughter to the viewing and cooking her a meal, either.  

Definitely allow your daughter to bring her something from herself (the drawing or flowers).

Answer 5

GI, what a Godsend you are!  If this elderly woman was my mom I couldn't be happier to have a neighbor like you for her. XXOO

If you take your daughter to the visitation, keep it very brief.

A house plant might actually be more appreciated than flowers - it is hard to say.

Of course, a SMALL , cheerful meal would be so, so nice.

Thank you and your sweet daughter for making this hard time easier for your grieving neighbor.  God bless you both!!

Answer 6

Because your daughter has had such an impact on your neighbor and her dog, take her for a visitation.  It will probably really mean a lot to your neighbor for her to be there.  And I would do the other things you mentioned too.  You are very kind hearted.  

Answer 7

do all of the above she is going to need all the support

Answer 8

I would do all of the above except take here to the service, she's too young for that.  Your neighbor seems to really like your family and I would think have comfort in knowing she has you and your daughter, no one likes to, or wants to be alone.  I'm sure she'd love some flowers, have your daughter be the one to hand them to her, she'd really like that.  I'm sure its a very hard time for her right now, be there for her as I'm sure she'd be there for you and your family.  As far as the dog, I can relate.  My brother had a dog that would jump thru glass windows, he wasn't very nice and I'd visit but not let my daughter around the dog.    

Answer 9

I would do all the above and be there for her. What a nice thing you are doing. She's lonely and could use you and your daughter as a friend. It is tough to be alone at any age especially when one looses a long time companion. She will be blesses with your company.

P.S. Bring a doggy treat when you visit. dont let the dog know your afraid. the dog will soon get to know you and feel comfortable when you come around.

Answer 10

I'd skip the visitation, and just send flowers or have your daughter draw a picture for the lady, and then mail it.  She's probably overrun with meals.  Why don't you and your daughter take a walk to her house and have a visit together?  She is probably quite lonely.

Answer 11

I'm so sorry to hear about your neighbors loss.  There is nothing worse than losing someone you love.  (I recently lost my mother.)  

If you question pertains to taking your daughter to the visitation, it certainly wouldn't hurt her, but you must be prepared to talk about death in the event she asks.  (Keep in mind it's VERY important that you don't use the "He went to sleep and didn't wake up" statement.  Often that will scare children when you expect them to go to bed or even when you go to sleep.  They will be afraid they or you won't wake up like so and so.)  Chances are your daughter will quickly forget.  I don't recall any of my father's funeral who passed away when I was 3.

I'm sure your neighbor would greatly appreciate your presence.  Since you have a young one, I'm also sure she would understand if you could not stay for services.  Your daughter most likely brings a since of joy to her and will bring a smile to her face.  

Flowers and Cooking are optional, but I cannot tell you how much our family appreciated the kind gesture of food brought to us just prior and after my mothers death.  The last thing you feel like doing during a time like this is cooking (or cleaning).  Not having to worry about that is a blessing.

Do what your heart tells you to do.  You will never go wrong.  God Bless.  

Answer 12

It is very nice of u to try and help...i think baking her a pie or something of that sort would be a nice way to start.  If she is lonely she should get involved in something, you could invite her to Church..if she is depressed she could use someone to talk to..and priests deal with that kind of stuff all the time. i know my priest talked to a boy who wanted to commit suicide, and he talked him out of it.  they also have a lot of group activities at some parishes.  

she would also meet many other ppl (especially elderly) who have lost their spouses.  she would make some great friends.

good luck!

Answer 13

all of the above. your child has filled a void in this womans life that she needed. you should also try to be a friend. right now she needs all the love and support she can get. your daughter seems to have adopted this woman as a grandparent . they will both benefit from the extra love.  

Answer 14

I would send a card and continue to let your daughter go over there.  I would also try to get involved in her life as well even if it is only friendly chit chat over the fence.  Just knowing that there is someone who is still concerned about her will make her life easier.  Maybe you could plan play dates where you and your daughter and her and her dog all go to a park.  

As for taking her to the vitiation that all depends on how well behaved she will be, some people would not mind an ambitious 3 year old running around others will just have a stroke.  If at all possible take her right at the beginning, not as many people will be there yet and I am sure a child will put a smile on her face.  

Also a lot of people tend to only keep in touch for a few weeks/months after a death.  So i am sure it will make more of an impact on her if you continue to stay friendly.

Answer 15

aww if she is old she needs your freindship ASAP

get your daughter and some flowers and a maybe a cake get round there offer your condolences and ask her if she would like to have a cup of tea or coffee

and also ask her if she would baby sit your daughter once in a while , i bet she would lvoe too and ask her over for lunch and stuff

old people need freindship and need to be protected form people who will take advantage

=]

Answer 16

Send a card, cook a meal, go for a quick visit, offer your condolences.  Just let her know you are thinking about her.  

Answer 17

Yes I think you should take her in all out of respect. even though maybe your daughter dont understand death yet she and you should still go. I think its cute that she was so fond of your daughter. She probably reminds her of one of her children when they were young. Aww and I bet she loves riding that golf cart!

Answer 18

YES definatly show your condolances! You and your daughter but I do not think you should take her to the wake! Its going to be hard for her to understand. I dont care what anyone says - 3 year olds know what is going on. The hard part is to explain it to her. But you should maybe go to her house with your daughter and go to the wake by yourself. Also flowers neah!! Offerings are always better.  

Answer 19

why dont you get to know her, you cant rely on a 3 yr old to make her feel better

Answer 20

be nice!!!  who cares if her dog is mean?