What would you have done in this situation?

Question

Alright,so I was adopted out of my family when I was about a year old or so,I must admit I have dealt with it some what alright. I was also born quite premature,and about a year later my parents had a baby boy who was severly mentally disable since birth,and has been that way since then,he needs round clock care pretty much.So then not too long after I was born they gave me up to a couple that they knew,who are now my adoptive parents.After my brother was born about six years later they had their next son and a couple years after that they had another son.So the three kids live with them but I don't.

Latley they have been talking with me more,and wanting me to come over more,and do more things with them.

What would you have done if you were in that situation?

Answer 1

They want you to become a larger part of the family. Visit them as often as you--and your adoptive parents--feel comfortabe with. The boys are your brothers after all. They did not make the adoption decision.

It also appears that maybe your birthparents are feeling guilty and want to make up for lost time with their one and only daughter. They can never change what happened years ago (even if the circumstances seemed right at the time), but they make a difference from today on.

Good luck to you! I hope you know that you are blessed. Not everyone has two families that love them like yours obviously do.

Answer 2

you have your adoptive parents and they sure love you a lot, they were there when you were sick, went to school, had troubles, etc.

you should ask your biological parents why was the situation different when they gave you away, from when they had their other kids. maybe they didn't have the money, and 6 years later they did. i mean who knows, right? anyway you are lucky because you have 4 parents!

Answer 3

This is not an --"either"--"or"-- type situation.  You will ALWAYS have your birth family (at least in your heart) and you will ALWAYS have your adoptive family.

You do not choose!  You love, or talk, or visit, or tolerate, or enjoy each as they are -- faults and all, and strengths and all.  And be thankful -- that you have two families who love you so.

Don't over dramatize this -- it is what it is.  Neither family is perfect, and likely neither are monsters.

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I had my first son at 17, kept him. Had a daughter at 18, gave her up to open adoption. Had my third son at 21, when I was settled, and had a home and all that.

Personal differences and alot of factors were involved in Katies adoption. My being young and in an abusive relationship was the main one.

Your story is different, and if you need help sorting everything out, I'd suggest a therapist. No one on Yahoo answers will be able to help you out fully without having a biased opinion.

Answer 5

It looks like they want to make you an integral part of the family...which is ok if you feel up to it.  Maybe asking your adoptive parents how they feel might help you... I would certainly take their opinion into consideration.

If you're happy with both families I don't see why you can't be part of both.

Answer 6

It really depends on how you feel. Are you happy with your adoptive parents? If you are not ready to be part of your birth family, that is fine. You may never be ready. If you like your life the way it is, you have no obligation to see your birth family.

Answer 7

Well...it all depends how you feel about them and if you have any sort of relationship w/ them thus far.    They are obviousley interested in you and your life and it sounds to me tthat they want to be a part of your life.  Just take your time...if you dont want to let your guard down right away, don't.  Go slow and open up to them as you see fit. You are very blessed that they are wanting to be involved w/ you.  It is just more people to love you.

Answer 8

Its not fair to ask strangers what they would have done in that situation. When parents place its because they didnt beleive that raising you in thier home was the best for you. I am sure its very painful dealing with it and it will be something you will always struggle with.

However, they obviously do care about you a great deal. They didnt forget about you and I am sure that in the days when you were not contacted, you were still thought of.  

I know its hard to fathom and they might still have regrets but you have parents both biological and adoptive that care about you and want you in thier homes and lives. Try to keep that in mind.

God Bless.

Answer 9

I'm an adoptive mother, and if there's one thing I know its that whenever biological parents sign a child over for adoption its because they are having serious difficulty of one kind or another.  People who place their children for adoption are generally not in control of their lives or emotional issues at the time the baby is born, and they generally do what they believe will give the baby the best chance.  Also, as in the case of my own son, sometimes when parents are ready or able to take good care of a baby authorities step in, remove the child from the home, and the child ends up being adopted when the parents don't demonstrate any improvement or interest in improving.  I'm not saying that's your biological parents' situation, but there's a chance it could be.

I also happen to have had a premature baby, and I've read enough about them to know that sometimes certain parents can have trouble bonding with their very premature baby because they put up their guard in case anything happens to the baby and because the baby is in an incubator for so long.

As an adoptive mother, I know that I was uncomfortable when my grown son met his biological mother and all her relatives and was seeing one of them after another for a while; but I knew, too, it was his right to get to know them if he wanted to.  He was curious, and he did like getting all the attention they were giving him in the beginning.  Later, though, he got to know them better and came to understand more why he had been adopted.  More importantly, he came around to realize that he really felt like he belonged in our family (his adopted family) and didn't have much in common with the biological family.

If you need to get to know your biological parents and brothers more you should go ahead and visit them.  Chances are you'll come to understanding more about any problems they had or have and get some questions answers for yourself.

As I explained to my son when he was very, very, little,  "sometimes ladies have babies and know they can't be a good enough mother to their babies, so they ask another lady to be the mother".  I have a feeling that was the situation in your case, and maybe by the time your brother was born (or because they knew he had a disability and may not be easily adopted) they decided to figure out how to do whatever it took to be his parents.

Answer 10

If they had a good reason for giving you up, then I would spend more time with them. But if it's not a good enough reason then I would just forget about them like they did you