What would you rate this story i wrote 1-10 ?

Question

Maria was running full speed towards the door. She carried her high heels in fear of tripping. Her long blond hair covered half of her face, making it hard to see the which way she was going. As she came closer to the door she turned around to see if she was being followed, Her light blue eyes widened in fear when she saw her ex- boyfriend only a few inches away. with one finale stride she rushed out the door into the busy New York Streets. She screamed as loud as she could to draw attention to her self so there would be witnesses if she got dragged back in by her abusive ex. She had images in her head of how he had tricked her into coming into his house and tried to have s*x with her when she had clearly said no. She had barely managed to excape with her life and virginity. And never again would she even come close to her ex. ................ what would you rate it if you would like me to explain how she got in the house and was almost raped tell me and ill post another question or you can leave your email

Answer 1

eh...6

you told, didn't show. You need mystery, description your readers have to put two and two together.

Also the name Maria strikes as hispanic to me so when i hear pale blue eyes and blond hair i think... maria? no.

Also your grammar needs a bit of work.

Sorry to be harsh,

L'Amour Ordonne Tous

Answer 2

10 (brown noser)

Answer 3

1. for effort...I dont know, it just wasnt very good. Keep practising though. There were a few grammer mistakes and so on...

Answer 4

I like it! I think you should keep writing. Just don't make your sentences too short and too close together. you have a good style. keep it up :D

Answer 5

Good: I liked the way you were able to keep the reader interested with all of the action that was happening in the story. You kept the reader guessing which is a good thing.

Bad: Grammar could improve, choice of words, and you need to let the reader in and show the reader what is going on. More imagery. Do not tell, show. Also. There are a few unanswered questions. Why was she running? Why did her boyfriend trick her? How did she escape? You need to elaborate more on what happened step-by-step.

Assuming you are pretty young I will give this story a 7. There is real potential with this story it just needs work and more thought. Understand that we do not mean to be harsh, writing a novel is hard work and takes patience, persistence, and practice. You will have certain people who feel your writing is not worth a penny and then you will have others who will love it. Develop a tough skin. Take criticism, constructive, that is and use it for your benefit. Good luck!

Answer 6

that was good but you need to explain more, that was too short, where was she? how did her ex trick her? we need to know more about their personalities, is the ex obsessed with her? a stalker of sorts? what about the girl? was she easily manipulated? where do they live? small town, big city? what is her life like, does she live with the parents, or on her own? how old is she [im guessing she is a teen]? and describe they way she looks more, how messy her hair looked, clothes draped over her body as if she huriedly put them on, so she looks like she is in a dangerous situation. =D good luck, it sounds good so far.

edit: oh i forgot to rate. your writing seems young so  im guessing your a teen also? if so, i think you have some room to improve but you have  a really good start here =D lets say 8.

Answer 7

10!! I think it's a good story so far. I'm also a writer. I think it will be a great story. Can't wait to read more!  

Answer 8

5.

To be honest , it wasn't very good. I think that you have potential , but keep practicing.

You just have to read more books , and write simple short stories , to amend and better your writing.

Good luck

xx Greetings

Answer 9

It didn't feel fasted paced or panicked enough.  And if he was inches away, he could literally have grabbed her before she could open a door, especially since opening a door requires a partially backward motion.  A few feet or a couple yards would be more likely.  I'd give it a 5/10.  It's not bad, but it's not great either.  Instead it's... unremarkable and forgettable.  

Answer 10

10! It makes me want to know everything about this story and where it's going. How it got to this point. Please post more! Although herself is one word. (She screamed as loud as she could to draw attention to herself...) Please post more! You're a really good writer!

Answer 11

10  i love it we both have thee name Hannah im a writer too great love it but you did make one typo but its the best story ive seen on here