What would you say when you saw this kind of thing on AIM/Facebook/whatever? Advice desperately needed please?

Question

It seems to me that all my AIM buddies or Facebook friends have a habit that I consider to be extremely rude. On Facebook, for example, I always see pictures from somebody's party. Often, the comments include, "OMG that party was awesome!!" But has it occurred to any of the people posting the pictures that not EVERYONE was invited? OK, so I've been included in many parties this year, but when someone posts pictures of a party that I wasn't invited to, and I see how awesome it was...it hurts. Especially when you think that you guys are really good friends. AND when that person is AWARE that some ppl weren't invited to that event, and will see the pics. Whatever. Has this ever happened to you? How did you react? A part of me REALLY wants to post a comment saying something like, "Oh, what a cool party! It's too bad some of us here weren't able to join in..." Bc/ whether it's their away message on AIM ("o, im goin to so-and-so's party :)"), or pics on Facebook, it is RUDE. What do you say?

Answer 1

I say you need to seriously get over yourself!  Everyone is not required to invite you to their party, and people sjhouldn't have to not talk about it in a public forum just because you're overly sensitive and want everyone to cater to you.  It's not possible to invite EVERYBODY to any party, so there will always be someone who wasn't there, does that mean that no one can ever discuss any party on their myspace?  Get over it and move on.

Answer 2

I'm not in your shoes, so I can't say how frequently this is happening to you.  I've read the other answers, and I agree, in part, with most of them.

It is their facebook/myspace/AIM page.  They can post whatever they want.

It's their party.  They can invite whomever they want.

BUT if your feelings are hurt, try talking to that friend.  Let them know!  They might not invite you because they think you're not into that kind of thing.  I've had this happen before.  My friends were going to have a big blow out and didn't think I'd want to come because at the time, I didn't drink.  When I asked my friend who was hosting the party why she didn't invite me, she gave me an honest answer and told me it wasn't meant to exclude me.  She let me know I was very welcome at the party, and she was glad I said something.  I went and had a blast.

Sit down with your friend face to face (not via internet) and let them know how you feel.  You can even joke about it, if you want to, so as not to sound clingy.  "Hey, man! Looked like that was a kickass party! When's the next one, 'cause I am so there!"

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt.  I bet it's not intentional at all.  If it turns out you ARE being excluded...well, you have a decision to make on whether or not you want this person as a friend.

Answer 3

Well honestly if I am not invited that I don't wanna go.  I don't want a pitty invitation.  My best friend and I have a completely different set of friends and although a lot of my friends she doesn't know I know a lot of her friends and I just frankly speaking don't like all of them.  So she goes to parties and doesn't invite me but I understand why it's not like I get all offended.  I go out and don't always invite her cuz a lot of my friends she doesn't know and that may make her feel awkard but if I throw a party or if its her birthday then she'll invite me and i'll invite her but if its some random friend that I don't know or dont particularly care for then i may not be invited don't take it personal.

Answer 4

I say people aren't obliged to invite you just because you think you're one of the crowd. I wouldn't comment if I were you - if you make yourself look unpopular you will be invited to less parties.

Answer 5

well if it is your best friends or friends you hang out with everyday talk on the phone everynight etc...and they didnt invite you i could understand your feelings being hurt...maybe call them up and ask why you were not invited..but theres not much else you can do

Answer 6

Growing up 101: The world does not revolve around you.

Answer 7

Just because certain people weren't invited, that doesn't mean you shouldn't post pictures of it. They shouldn't have to pretend it never happened, just to avoid hurting your feelings.

Answer 8

It is their space. It is their online place, and they shouldn't have to say,"Oh...Kelsey wasn't invited, so let's not post the pics we took. We can't show how much fun we're having this summer. We might hurt her feelings. Poor girl." No. That's stupid. I don't invite all the people I know everywhere, and I still post pictures up because I want to look on my page and remember how much fun I had. Get over it. It's their website, and they have every right to post whatever they want.

Answer 9

Guys, you're all flaming her just bc/ she got upset. It happens to everyone, we all have bad days.

Yes, this is very rude. I don't think that "concealing your feelings of excitement" is a very good solution either, but honestly, I've seen this kidn of thing happen, and it's been happening SO OFTEN that it seems that people ARE doing it on purpose. It may not be what is truly going on, but still, it comes across that way.

We all know the feeling of not being invited to a friend's party. Don't come telling me that you haven't, because if not, you're an insensitive loser who should get over YOURSELF. Some of us can get over that devastating feeling, others can't.

I don't really know WHAT do say to you, as far as what you should do, etc....I mean, unless innapropriate things happened at this party (for ex. drinking, drugs, etc.), it can't be taken too seriously. However, I do agree that it is rude.

Answer 10

People shouldn't have to conceal their opinions of an event just because someone, somewhere wasn't invited or couldn't make it. Just because so and so didn't get invited would not change the fact that the party was "awesome." If 50 people had a great time and they network and chat with each other over sites like myspace/facebook etc, etc they should not have to remain silent just because a handful of people were not there. If you or anyone else didn't get invited and have an issue with that take it up with the person who hosted the party. It has nothing to do with the others who were there.

Answer 11

I don't think it's rude. They're not shoving these pictures in your face. You're the one who is choosing to look at pictures from something you weren't invited to.

It's no different that someone having a party and you finding out through the grapevine that it occurred.

Answer 12

I think you should comment and say ''hit me up on a party next time, looked like a blast!"

Perhaps they didn't think you're the party type--I used to get that a lot in high school

Answer 13

Dont take it personally.  I'm sure that your friends arent posting the pictures thinking about you one way or the other.  If you werent invited ask them why.  If they say because they dont want you there find new friends.

Answer 14

I am sorry that you feel hurt when you aren't invited. I completely understand. But just because people are friends doesn't mean that you automatically get invited to everything that they do.

But think about it another way, lets say that you were going to have a birthday party and your parents said, you can only invite ten people. So you invite ten, knowing that some people that you like won't be able to attend because there isn't space. Should you avoid positing pictures of your birthday party to spare the feelings of those that can't go? Where would it end? Soon, no one would be allowed to celebrate anything for fear that someone would be upset that they didn't get to go.

I know that it is hard to accept, but one of the steps to maturity is learning that the world doesn't revolve around you and that when they aren't with you, your friends have lives, experiences and yes even parties that don't include you.

Answer 15

I do think you are taking it a bit too personal.  It would be rude for your friends to discuss a party and how much fun it was in a conversation with you, but to go to a web site and search out these pictures and comments is just looking for an excuse to feel excluded.

There's going to be great parties, some you will be invited to and some you wont.  Enjoy the ones you do go and keep your reactions at feeling left out to yourself or it will look like your being rude and a spoiled sport.  If you can't be happy for friends than you may want to shy away from the social networking sites.