What would you tell a friend who has a tendency to dominate telephone conversations...?

Question

...with bragging, grand-standing, competitiveness, unsolicited advice-giving, etc.? Basically codependency masked in a huge Leo personality. The friend I have in mind has a lot of positive qualities, but when she is on the phone (long-distance no less) she just gets on a roll. At times, it's almost comical and predictable. E.g. if you were to tell her you have a nice blue shirt on, she would tell you that she too has a nicer aquamarine blue shirt made with silk, and then she would tell you how to say "aquamarine silk shirt" in French. :) At other times, it's just tragic and exhausting.

We have known each other for a long time. She was kind of the black sheep growing up in her family, so now as an adult she has this tendency to blow her image/ego way up out of proportion. It's a sign of insecurity. Plus her husband, who loves her very much (as I do) is very critical. He stands by her but is never satisfied with her.

Her soul is basically screaming out to the world or to anyone who will listen, "Please love me. Please tell me I'm wonderful." I understand. I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family too. But the telephone conversations are getting so that I spend less and less time with her on the phone.

I think it is time to tell her how I feel, but I want to do it in a respectful way that doesn't hurt her. Is this even possible? What would you say if this were your friend?

Answer 1

Oh yeah! We ALL know someone like that, my mother is one. Try this: Do the same back and they soon make excuses to hang up.

Answer 2

Tell her you are worried about her & only want what's best for her. Tell her that you think she can be a bit too full of herself at times, which gets your point across, without being...TO mean about it.

Friends should be able to tell another friend anything, hurtful or no. I am only 15 & this bond has been tested many times with my friends. We have to be honest with eachother to grow closer to eachother, even if it hurts.

Tell her that she is infact wonderful & great, but that she flaunts it alittle too much. This can destroy her relationships with other people.

But good luck!.

Answer 3

I do have a friend like this, but I am a guy. When it gets to be too much I tend to say HEY, SHUT THE F@*! UP. Guys can do that though. You could try this or use caller ID and not deal with it.

Answer 4

You don't want to tackle the phone problem, as it is merely a symptom of her overall self esteem issues. If she's only like this on the phone, I would say let it be. It's not really her problem that you don't like the conversation she gets into.

But, if these problems are present often, you should have a conversation with her about how you feel. She may have no idea people feel the way they do about her. And, she may have no idea that she even has a problem.

Also, it doesn't matter how much her husband loves her, if she's "not enough" for him, the marriage will never last.

It sounds like your getting dangerously close to a problem that is not really yours. Be careful.