What would you think, say or do in my situation?

Question

I had my best friend and co workers' oldest daughter (20) watch my three grade school children and grandson before and after work. It was their second day of school and she picked them up 45 minutes late. She realized she was late and went and picked up her middle school sister first! Then when I came home my 9 year old son was on the floor crying. He wouldn't get up until I told him he could go straight to the van and we would go home. He said through his head in his arms and tears that her 15 year old brother hurt him. I got my 6 year old and grandson and my 10 year old had walked home (up the hill because her 16 year old brother was putting him and my 9 year old in headlocks but of course the babysitter and her grandparents said they were playing. I find this hard to believe coming from three adults that allowed the 15 year old to do this to my 9 year old and was laughing. They were suppose to be protecting him and instead he had no one)! I told her she will never watch my kids down there again and we left. When we got home I found out that the fifteen year old had pinned him down and took his fingers and repeatedly poked him in the chest. It was red when I called and fired her immediately and told her mother, my friend what had happened. Later, about 45 minutes, he started to devolpe a bruise about the size of two quarters. I called my friend and had her come up to see the bruises. She said that he was the one wanting to wrestle with her son, who is 15!!!!!, and that he basically was asking for it. I was so mad. I did agree that she didn't have to tell her fiance because he was staying at his mom's for a week because of her kids and how they behave. She would have no place to go if he kicked her out. I thought she would still disciplne him and even her daughter because in my opinion it was ultimately her fault since she was there and laughing about it and in charge. Well, 5 days later and he still has a bruise the size of two quarters on his chest and come to find out a rug burn on his arm from where it rubbed when he was sitting on his wrists. I talked to her youngest daughter and she said that her mom had not punished him and she had two bruises on her leg from the same brother. My husband overheard this and he called and told her fiance because he said, later when I confronted him about calling, that he thought he needed to know so he could keep an eye on this boy so he doesn't do it again to any other kids. He said he wasn't trying to stir up any trouble he just couldn't accept that nothing was done and obviously my friend didn't think it was a big deal and that it was "kids being kids"! Needless to say now she is mad at me and my husband because she thinks I knew that he called and him for calling. She also said that her fiance and everyone at work (where I work also but wasn't there because I had a son out from school today) thought that my husband was wrong and I was wrong for being upset. Am I crazy or am I the only sane person in this world?!? Would you be as upset as I am and would you be equally upset that it has gotten turned around to where my husband and I are the bad guys? Honestly I am furious now not just at her attitude towards this but everyone else I work with that thinks its just kids being kids when a 15 year old pokes my 9 year olds chest for so long that it rubbed a carpet burn and a bruise the size of two quarters that is still there 5 days later. Please answer honestly. I don't think I am overreacting and I am finding it even hard to be mad at my husband, even if he did not talk to me before calling. I wish he would have but I have to say that I understand his reasoning. Thanks for your opinions......

Answer 1

I'm not sure I totally understand your story and all of the complications, and I'm not sure that the complications matter.  The upshot of all of this is that adults allowed a 15-year-old boy to badly bruise younger smaller children  --  no matter what the provocation.

I think your husband did the right thing in confronting the adults who were in charge.  I understand, but I don't agree with, your consent to keep the matter silent.  This teenager is more than likely a bully in his school and needs intervention and therapy to change his behavior.

You are completely right, your co-workers are wrong, and you need to stand up to this and not take their c**p.

Answer 2

I feel that you are totally right!  I would be upset if anyone let someone do that to my child like it was okay!  Your friend should have disaplined the 15 year old.  Hes 15 he should know if he is hurting someone or not!!!!  As far as your husband ya he should have told you first but he was just concerned. My husband would have done the same thing.  I feel bad for your children too, they shouldnt have had to go through that.

Answer 3

You call this woman a friend? I don't think I would. Either she's blind to her childrens faults or is simply too embarrassed to admit to it. Personally I think she knows she is in the wrong and took the opportunity while you were away to get your colleagues to hear her side of events first so that she could twist things to suit herself.

I know kids can play rough, especially boys but a 15 year old should know better and even if he doesn't any decent adult would have stepped in to calm things down.

Don't be hard on your husband he was only doing what he felt was in his kids best interests and there well being should come before your so called friends relationship with her fiance.