What would you think of, when someone you married is always playing emotional games?

Question

I have a friend whose husband, is always playing games! She said he will cause an argument, just to go out for the night, over basiclly nothing at all. The guy will say he is going to work , but won't be there when she calls his job. In actuality he will go to work hours later and sometimes not at all. I think he is weird, if you ask me, like he has a secret life or something. To cause an argument, to get to where he is going and lying about it. I told her call him out on it. She said, he said he was stressed, but logically he could talk to her right? Now he's worried about the bills, and his job. I think it is possible to worry about such things. However, why not discuss things with his wife? My friend is really smart, she caught him in crazy situations. Myself, I think he is living a double life. The staying out all night and coming and going as you please, with no regard to who you hurt is heartless. I told her to live her life as normal as possible and "God" sees everything....... She is a smart and out going person and he is going to loose the beautiful person she is, to a person who appreciates her. I donot know if I would ever get married again, unless he loved "God" and valued the sanctity of the marriage arrangement. Has anyone of you experienced your husband doing crazy things like that?

Answer 1

I agree with you something is up.But your right everything that goes on in the dark comes to the light. Just be a good friend because she will need you when things fall apart. She probably has a gut feeling but she just cant do it right now. You know people make change when they can, not when we want them to . Just pray for her and be there for her.

Answer 2

Definitely sounds a little crazy to me.  I am thinking, totally immature and irresponsible, or perhaps a drug/gambling problem, or maybe another woman (or MAN, for that matter.)  Unfortunately, you are on the outside looking in.  And no matter HOW smart your friend is, when it comes to matters of the heart (she obviously loves him, or would not have married him) even the smartest people can be very, very stupid.  I wouldn't push it with her.  If she needs to vent, provide a friendly ear.  If she wants out of the situation, provide support.  But I personally would not push her on this.  It is really her choice in how she decides to spend (or waste) her life.

Answer 3

My first question would be, is he doing drugs or drinking. That would be my first guess. She is enabling him. Who's sick? her for putting up with it or him for doing it. This can be painful when you look at it. And yes God sees everything and he he expects people to take action. Faith is an action word.

Answer 4

He's not really even leading a double life or secret life.  He's simply doing what he wants to do, when he wants to do it, and creating drama as a manipulative tactic.  

Someone who leads a secret life typically makes a concerted effort to conceal it.

He hasn't and doesn't.  He apparently just flat out lies, or starts arguments so he has an excuse to give her.

Sounds like he either has another woman (women) or some kind of habit that is not one he can indulge at home (drugs, gambling?)

Imho, she needs to get some backbone, and deal with the situation, or plan to spend the rest of her life being his doormat.

Disappear for the night?  Repeatedly?  I think not.

He would either come home to an empty house and a note, or his things would be packed when he returned.

They have some very serious communication problems, and the only way they are going to be resolved is by her calling him on his c**p - even then, they may need counseling.

As her friend, I would encourage her to get counseling for herself if she refuses to confront the situation, because she clearly has either some self-esteem or co-dependency issues.  

Addition- Yep- I see you added the addiction part in - she is a classic enabler.  She feels she is being supportive.  Encourage her to contact Al-Anon and join the support group that they have for friends and family.  She needs help as much as he does.

Answer 5

marriage relationships seem to be getting more and more difficult to deal with as time goes on.  the best advise i have to give is to read

to h**l with h**l, a book that is crammed full of good information dealing with everything from communication to good s*x.  read it.  it's on line at barnes and noble dot com and amazon dot com.  or order it from your local book store.  that's the best thing i can think of for you to do to avoid future confusion and anxiety.  

Answer 6

Yea i agree with you it sounds like he has a double life.

She needs to find out what is going on with him.

No my husband doesn't do crazy things like this.

Answer 7

By worrying about somebody's antics, you are spoiling your peace of mind. Let them sort out their misunderstandings and difference of opinion them selves.

Answer 8

something is up. my wife behaved the same way. and she made it sound like i was crazy. then i left to prove to myself she was a cheater and a liar. so i filed for a divorce. i am not saying to file, but it sounds like you both r not happy, so take a break. maybe he will change maybe you will change. who knows. love yourself first.

Answer 9

Your friend is a living, breathing door mat.  I don't understand how a woman could put up with this behavior, if she weren't.

Maybe it's time for her to look into taking care of her own needs and getting her own life together.  She can't control what her husband does... and if he is this disrespectful, he doesn't deserve a wife.

Answer 10

When she has had enough of his bad behavior she will leave and get a divorce . The worst part is you having to watch her go through it and can't do anything about it. Be there for her when she needs you and be a good listener , that's what friends are for. Good Luck  

Answer 11

he is having an affair