What would you think of a mother considering adoption, and decided to parent instead having a 'fundraiser'?

Question

We often hear of potential adoptive parents having 'funraisers' to collect money from friends, family and the community to help finance their adoption.

What would you think of a pregnant woman, who considered giving her child up for adoption, having a fundraiser to help her in the first year with her child?

Answer 1

I can see fundraisers when we're talking about things like severe, unexpected illness, but only after other means have been exhausted, such as social services, charities, hospital accounts to help, etc.   Granted, I'm sure those won't go far enough, so that's why I say a fundraiser makes sense in these situations.

But, for adopting or raising kids, well, I'd have to be convinced on that one.  Most everyone I know has fallen on difficult financial times at some point.

Answer 2

If programs did not exist to help mothers with expenses thru the government, I would say go for it.  However, there are many programs out there for women to help with finances, finding a better job, child care, food, etc.

Answer 3

Good for her!

Answer 4

kinda weird, I mean we all could use extra money and we don't have fundraisers.

Answer 5

OHHHH! Great idea. If you can morally finance an adoption through donations then why not finance a parenting plan the same way?

This gives me a stunning idea, but how to implement it and spread the word?? hmm...

How can I do this? Time to ask a questions.

<3<3<3 you!!!

Answer 6

For the record, I find the idea of financing your adoption though a fundraiser to be fairly ridiculous.  I mean, you can try it, but I can't see myself donating to such a cause.  There are simply too many children in foster care (which usually costs almost nothing to adopt from) for me to donate money to someone who only wants an infant.  

However, that being said, I do see a difference in fundraising for adoption and fundraising for parenting.  Here is what it is...  

Fundraising for adoption is not to cover the costs of raising a child.  It is only to cover the costs of the adoption fees themselves.  These are a one time, large, lump some cost.  They will not be recurring costs that could jeopradize the future of the child if they do not continue to "flow" in, so to speak.  Adoptive parents are not fundraising for the costs of raising the child, only for the expensive placement costs.  

To fundraise for the costs of parenting a child is much much different.  There is never going to be a time when raising a child is NOT expensive, thus you would have to be holding continuous fundraisers.  People would quickly get the idea that the parent was doing this instead of working for extra money and stop donating.  How would the parent then support the child?  

Now, of course, there are some upfront costs to having a baby.  You have to pay for the delivery.  However, for parents that are really struggling, Medicaid is already available.  That means there are no costs for medical care of delivery.  Formula (or extra nutritional food for a breastfeeding mother) is already provided by WIC, and there are foodstamps as well.  The other costs you will then incurr (upfront) are the costs of essential nursury items like clothes, a crib, a carseat, and diapers.  There are many resources for things like that.  I know in my area churches and other non-profit groups regularly hold "baby-showers" to get things like this donated.  I have also seen a group of families hold fund raisers to be able to buy those items for a less fortunate family/woman.  To be honest, the costs of all those items can usually be gotten for under $1000 and rarely more than $2000 - which is not even close to adoption fees that usually top $10,000.  Also, there is such a thing as a Child Tax Credit, which is decently large.  I know what being a struggling parent is, but there are resources available.

Answer 7

I say whatever it takes! The best thing for the baby (and mom) is to get as many good supportive friends around and accept the help you need while you need it.

I know someone who was in the same situation, and her son grew up to be a success ( and a wonderful person, too!) - she says she can't imagine what her life would be like if she had given him up and wondered all these years how and where he was.

If you are the mother in your question, congratulations on being a mom!

Answer 8

I don't think fundraisers are a good idea for birth parents OR for adoptive parents.  These will be short term funds, and not indicative of long term parenting ability, on either end.  

I would rather give my money to agencies that support birth parents through food banks, health, etc. or that support adoptive children through counseling and other needs.  As for money straight to the person, it has questionable ethics all the way around.

Answer 9

There are a lot of options available for someone choosing to parent their child, in regards to financial aid.

Kind of blows your whole "entitlement " theory out of the water, eh?

Answer 10

Wow...I've never ever heard of a fundraiser.  That's awful.  I understand  a baby shower but sheesh.  If you can't afford the adoption....don't do it.

Answer 11

If the woman truely wants to keep her child but was considering an adoption due to financial reasons, a fundraiser would be great. Having a spagetti dinner with raffle items, games, and other activities would be a great funraiser. Have dinner tickets cost around $7 for adults (13 and up) $5 for children and kids under 2 are free. have raffle tickets for items (donated by friends, family, and youre community) cost $1. Also going on line to find other raffle and fundraiser ideas is a great way to raise money.  Also, have the mom go through her attic/basement and house and find old items that are no longer used. Ask her friends and family to donate items as well, then hold a huge rummage. Good luck and Best of wishes!

Answer 12

I do not believe that having fundraisers to fund an adoption is ethical. I think that it would be a more honorable thing in the circumstances you described, however, I still think it shouldn't be necessary.

My reasons behind not thinking it is ethical in adoption, is that if you can't afford to adopt, you shouldn't.  I know that sounds harsh to some people, but...if you want to adopt you should be able to afford to pay for it.  There is all ready a 10, 000 dollar tax credit, that in itself should be more then enough.

I would hope however, that the government, or charitable (how about Crisis Pregnancy Centers???_) organizations would help out in the case you describe.  If the crisis pregnancy centers are so keen on preventing abortions, they should have a fund set up for just that circumstance.  Because...if they are going to use scare tactics to convince a woman not to abort, they need to support that woman if at all possible.  I know they say they do, but I don't believe they are as charitable as they would like the general public to believe.

I just think that, in the case you describe, the woman should be getting help if she needs it.  And it should even be something adoption agencies do, help families stay together.  I know that is against everything they do, but...I would be more apt to use an agency like that then to use one that DOESN'T have a support system for a woman who "changes her mind".  Even if it meant waiting ten times longer...because it is the RIGHT and ETHICAL thing to do, and if I ever adopt (which at this point I am starting to believe we will not be adopting) I want it to be as ethical as humanly possible.

Answer 13

I know several people who have adopted.  No one I have ever heard of held a "fundraiser" to help pay for the adoption.  Becoming a parent brings with it a huge responsibility and sacrifice.  Providing for children often requires parents to work extra hours or an extra job, downsize living arrangements or car choice, eat out less often, and put vacations and extravagant (i.e. unnecessary) purchases on hold.  Whether your child is planned or not, he/she becomes your primary concern for many years.  Unless there were extenuating circumstances such as a serious illness or medical condition not covered by insurance, I would not support any type of fundraiser designed solely to help a parent support their baby.  Except for the few independently wealthy people out there (of which I personally only know of a few), most parents could use a little financial help now and then.  Raising children can be expensive.  However, holding public fundraisers is not the way to help pay for basic expenses.  There are numerous organizations, both government run and privately run, in existence to help with those times when help is truly needed.  I personally think anytime you organize an event that benefits you financially it is inappropriate and shouldn't be done.

Answer 14

If she truly wants to keep her child, and was considering adoption only because she couldn't afford it, maybe a fundraiser is her way of coming up with a way so she can keep it.

Answer 15

They already do.. it's called a baby shower.

Answer 16

Good luck to her. People will donate to someone who is having a lot of hard luck, has a baby with a severe disability and families with higher order multiples.  Otherwise, she is not unique and should just get her stuff via garage sale or through church's that have crisis pregnancy closets.  The crib and mattress she should buy new.