What would you think of a woman who leaves her husband and sons to go in search of her real self?

Question

Is it legitimate to look for your happiness even if it means the unhappiness of your closest relatives/friends?

Answer 1

if you are unhappy with your partner it does not mean you have to abandon your kids. kids are for life not until you get fed up. if you dump them i hope they will hate you for the rest of your life

Answer 2

well thats a tough one but my main concern would b for the sons husband can worry about himself

Answer 3

I think it is only fair for the women if she only decide for her life and put herself first infront of everyone else. Husband can always find another wife, children will always be her children. So what if the world thinks she is selfish, does the world even think of her? I think it is a fair and simple statement. happiness only you can find within yourself not anyone else.

Answer 4

I would think that the woman needed some sort of mental health counseling. There could be a million reasons why one would leave their family but the most obvious is that one is in distress, somehow.

Whether it be abuse from the husband, overloaded for her mental capabilities by taking care of a family (i.e., Bipolar disease, depression, and a host of other "real," ailments), or some physical problem; one usually only leaves one's children when something is drastically wrong.

Most people do not understand mental illness and take it personally. I would hope that people (Like the guy above who spoke of his wife having Bipolar disease), would speak to a professional about mental illness thereby educating themselves so that they can then properly answer the questions that children have. Without properly understanding, the children are more apt to follow to fall into depression themselves because instead of understanding that their parent is "ill," they take it personally as if it was their fault.

Education to problems are always the answer. Handling things with simple emotional responses only serve to keep someone prisoner of their own feelings. Families may move forward and enjoy happy lives after a parent leaves if they gain the tools with which to do so.

There are free counseling services in every state. Start with the local Department of Human Services website.



Don't be too quick to offer judgement. There is an old Native American saying, "Do not judge me unitl you have walked for two moons in my moccasins."

Peace.

Answer 5

I think:

We have children to give them the best of ourselves

We create as best we can a stable life for those we care for

We give - NOT TAKE from our children

We are prepared to Die or KILL for our children

We love our children unconditionally - although sadly these thought of mine often are overlooked by those parents who for whatever reason cannot give what is needed to be given.

Often the adult like that is a child mined adult or sick person in an adults body!

Answer 6

Yeah I can see that, I mean what husband or kids for that matter, want to live around a very unhappy and unfulfilled woman.

Answer 7

Menopause!!!!!!

Answer 8

Selfish *****. Its an excuse

Answer 9

that's perfectly fine. im sure you're family would understand, and i feel it could lead to a better you and make you more in-tune with youre spiritual self.  but what do i know im only 16!

Answer 10

I think Gym's answer is very close to my way of thinking. Sometimes I think the family might be better off without a parent that is so completely selfish, but certainly that will not hold up as an excuse for what they are doing, or have done to their family. I don't believe anyone that attempts to destroy God's blessing, of a complete family, will ever find true happiness,...and frankly,...I don't feel they deserve it.

Javier's answer was almost more than I could take. Certainly I would pray for the one who is having trouble making these terrible decisions and mistakes,.......but it's the ones they are hurting that my most earnest prayers would be for. You only have one life on this earth. What's going to happen when you waste it away looking for your self centered so-called "happiness",....just to find out in the end that you had it to begin with? -Had it, and so carelessly passed it up.

Answer 11

My wife left it all for this type of search. She wanted to find ehrself so to speak.  She still finds herself every night unhappy trying to get some other man to love her. She plays video games all day long and talks to guys half her age about s*x, cybersex, video chats naked...I mean it got worse and worse the mroe time went on while she was on this search for heself. We were togehter for 12 years. I dont understand why woman do this. My kids are devastated. I have custody of the kids and I bought her out of the house after filing for divorce. No I dont understand it....and I dont thinik I ever will. She was diagnosed as bipolar but she feels like nothing is wrong with her so she is not on meds. I cant understand it...never will...you can tryot o but no one will ever understand seeing the destruction on your kdis faces yet still go out to do what you want to do. Its pretty selfish

Answer 12

Brainless

Answer 13

They're selfish, deluded.  Anyone can make abandonment look really good with monumental accomplishments.  Some people can do selfish really good, but the casualties left behind are monumental, too.  The world likes a good story of sacrificing little people for big things.  However, selfless service rules the universe.

Answer 14

Why do you have to leave them to find yourself?  

If you are looking for a way to feel satisfied with your life, look around you, take up a new hobby.  And if you are still wanting to leave your husband and kids... get some counseling.  You made a promise on your wedding day... don't break it!

Answer 15

I think if she really wanted to find herself, she could do this without "leaving" her family. It's not her surrounding that prevents her from finding happiness, it is about looking within no matter where you are, physically. Life isn't about finding "it" when things are wonderful and beautifully controlled and organized, it's about finding "it" in the midst of pain, chaos, and discomfort because that's when you need "it" the most.

I just feel that it is much healthier for everyone involved that if you decide to leave, it should be during unconfused time within so that you can be sure that you're making the right decision. With kids involved, especially, this can leave a profound impression on them.

Answer 16

HUGE, HUGE MISTAKE!  

DO NOT DO IT!  UNLESS YOU/SHE ARE BEING MENTALLY, VERBALLY OR PHYSICALLY ABUSED!

THERE IS NO LEGITIMATE REASON TO LEAVE HUSBAND & SONS TO GO IN SEARCH OF YOUR/HER REAL SELF AND HAPPINESS!!

STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES!!!

Answer 17

life isnt about searching for who you really are.

its about creating what you are

Answer 18

I would go to counseling before I ever did that. I probably would end up l;leaving my husband and taking my kids. Since how can I burden them with my unhappiness. My husband well, he probably is part of the reason for a lot of soul searching. So he I would leave but not my kids.

Answer 19

I think they are escaping the reality they life in. People should discover themselves before they commit to another person and have children.

Answer 20

Selfish. You can't just walk out on your responsibilities.

Answer 21

When we get married and have children we have a responsibility and a commitment to those people. Of course it's important to find happiness for ourselves, but not at the expense of shelving our nearest and dearest. Some people don't seem to know the difference between doing what's right and just doing what's right for them. My brother is like that. The only equation he applies to anything is "what do I want to do?" No other considerations are counted. He feels totally justified in doing whatever will make him happy. I couldn't be happy if that happiness were bought with someone else's misery.

Answer 22

Probable would have been preferable that she  found her own soul first before the course of eternity in a relationship  with husband and children!

Answer 23

She may be standing in the middle of her imagined paradise and realise the 'real' her was the one she left behind.

Answer 24

Look. she should be with her husband and family members while continuing her contemplations. Indeed such a woman are very rare in this world. Her family members should cooperate in her spiritual freedom. in case if her husband or family members disagree with her and not cooperating in her chosen path, she has got every right to leave her house in search of the final Reality. Know, the purpose of human birth is God realisation. Let her go as she wishes.

Answer 25

it depends, they might be better off without her if she's that inconsiderate... she should have searched for her real self before commiting to a husband and kids, protection is always available.

Answer 26

I worked in a Romanian orphanage once. There was a woman who had gone over there and, I don't know if it caused her to lose the plot, but she wouldn't go back home. She had been there for months, leaving her family back in England to get on with it.

Before we set off to go there, the family turned up at the warehouse, where we were storing clothes etc to send over and begged us to ask her to come home.

It was like she had re-defined herself as someone with a mission which was more important than her poor family. Tragic really.

Answer 27

Maybe everyone in the family is self-centered.  Who knows?

Answer 28

Interesting anicdote... but i'd say she has an obligation to look after her children unto they are 18, i gues it could be argued that if she were not in the frame of mind for doing this then it could be best for her to 'find herself' as you put it... then hook up again down the line (if they have not disowned her that is). As for leaving the husband... well if she werent happy then i see no problem with this!

Good question though!!