What would your reaction be, at-home moms?

Question

If your husband/boyfriend whatever... for me it's husband.

Anyway, if he said to you:

"You don't have that much to do."

Me, I wanted to slug him but instead I restrained my tears. I do everything around the house. I do all of the cleaning and I mean all of it. I prepare all the meals, I wash all the laundry, wash all the dishes, put away all the groceries... even if he picks stuff up on his way home he generally dumps it on the counter for me to take care of. Clean the toilet, shower, sinks, dust, pick up toys, and somehow I manage to take care of my 14 month old twins.

Did I mention I'm also pregnant?

I couldn't believe he said that to me. It was because I had just bought a TON of meat at Sam's Club and I broke it into portions, wrapped it, and froze it, taking breaks to throw up because the smell of the meat made me vomit due to pregnancy.

Last night he brought home a bunch more meat even though I told him exactly what I got at Sam's and what I did with it. He just brought it home anyway!!!! Worse, he never did anything with it. Just stuck it on the countertop for me to deal with on top of all my other work I had to do.

When I asked him to please take care of it for me, he got angry and asked why he should have to do it. I explained that it's just one more chore to add to the list and it makes me vomit because of the smell.

Then he told me that I was a drama queen and to just deal with it and that it's not like I have that much to do anyway.

What would you have done at that point? I feel so disrespected!

Answer 1

I honestly would have picked up the meat he brought home and threw it out the door to our dog and told him see I do things, I just fed the dog. The next day he is home all day I would sit the babies down in front of him and say the house needs cleaning and the kids need changing, I'm going out. Let him see firsthand how hard it is. If my husband had said something like that it would have made me extremely mad and it would have really hurt my feelings.

Answer 2

men can be such idiots sometimes.  honestly my husband would never say a thing like that to me, he knows better.

i wouldn't cook for him for a week, just cook for you and the babies.

let him fend for himself.

Answer 3

that is sad to hear and very not  supportive of his part .i am a stay at home mom too with one child 14 months  and currently pregnant with #2. plus i watch 3 other kids ( 12 month olds and 4 months old) .  from 7 am to 6 pm quite frankly i dont know how i do it but i would have probably knock him down with a frying pan if he says something like that to me . hubby said once . what do you do at home ? dont you just lay down on the couch and watch TV ? the next day he came home to a dirty house , no food , laundry werent done , toys here and there .i mean i havent touch squat and he came home asking what happened i said . i was just laying on the couch today . oh by the way there is no food to eat . and i got up and went and took a shower after the kids left then went to bed . when he came in bed today i said it felt good to "stay home "today . he left the bed right away .

so anyway how dare him call you a drama queen . you re strong for cutting the meat even though you were throwing up? i would have left it on the counter . i do .

some men are just inappreciative.

   anyway he has learned to move a finger since that night and since the doc said i should be resting more . hubby freaked . he cares more about the baby to let me stand there and cook for him while he could do it .  

take a break . leave the kids for him . saturday morning , wake up early and leave the house for the whole day .let him feel it .  

Answer 4

I have to imagine my husband knows better than to say something like that to me. He would be on the couch for a week, end of story.

The mature thing to do is to wait until your husband is not upset and ask him if you could sit down and talk about this. Explain that you feel like you are busy all day, that you do a lot, and that you don't feel like it is appreciated. Be nice, not confrontational, and see if he can start to understand where you are coming from.

I am not sure I would be able to restrain myself and do the mature thing, though, so if you send him to his mother's for a week, I won't blame you.

The next time he has a day off, stay in bed! Tell him that if you are doing nothing all day, he shouldn't mind taking over the "nothing" for you for just a day or two. Make a list for him of all the "nothing" that has to be done that day. By the end of the day, your kids will be screaming and the house will be a mess. Maybe then he'll appreciate what you do.

If he feels free to schedule stuff like band practice, you should be able to do the same. Make an appointment to do something and just tell him, oh, by the way, you have to watch the kids because I have a thing to do. If he balks, point out that he schedules his hobbies at his own convenience and expects you to be flexible around that, why can't you?

Answer 5

I just read in one of my magazines that husbands create an extra 7 hours of work each week for their wives.  I hear ya on all that we do.  I usually just tell my husband exactly what I expect him to do around the house and if he acts like he doesn't hear me I walk right up to him look him in the face and say it again.  When my hubby acts like I don't do much I ask him if he thinks he could handle it.  Then he thinks about it and says no because he knows that if he says yes he will have to handle it all and I won't help.  

Some days it would be nice to have an outside job to have a break from the constant chores!

Answer 6

This question just made me realize how lucky I am to have my husband.

I am so sorry you are being treated like that. It is such a frustrating thing. How do you convince them you do alot. It would probably go in one ear out the other. Just a couple of weeks ago a cousin of my husbands family asked him what I did all day at home with the kids. ANd if I was his wife (he could only wish HAHA) that he would tell me to get out and get a job.This coming from someone who has a full time babysitter, and house cleaner! So I know what is feels like to have to explain yourself.

However it is worse for you because you live with him.

I really don't know what to say to you. Try to get away for the weekend and leave him with the kids. I know this is easier said than done. Let that prick do all the house work too, not just watch the kids. I would love to slap a pregnancy suit on him too.

I really hope all works out for you.

Answer 7

So disrespectful!!! My my guess is that he doesn't realize how hard you're working, since his idea of "work" takes place outside the home.

Calling you a drama queen because the smell of raw meat makes you, a pregnant woman, sick makes me wonder if he borders on verbal abuse. Either that, or he is totally clueless.

At that point, I would have simply walked away. Let him deal with it. If he wants more meat, let him wrap it. Don't coddle that man...it will only make things worse. We teach people how to treat us, and you need to train him that it is NOT ok to talk to you like that.

Answer 8

Go away for a weekend and let him deal with EVERYTHING.  Don't cook meals for the fridge, stock up on groceries, clean, anything before you go & let him see exactly what a day and half in your shoes is like.  That'll change his attitude real quick!

Answer 9

You poor mummy. Don;'t they just annoy you?!?! My partner use to say the same thing until I went away for 4 days with my mum (and being 5 months pregnant) He had to look after our 2 year old daughter and to all the house work(not that I think he actually did it) shopping, meals, take our daughter to the specialist (hip problems) etc etc. When I came home he said he didn't know how I did it. YAY some recognition!!! But that didn't last long. Even once our 2nd daughter was born and he had 2 weeks off work I still had to do it all. Once the kids were in bed(thanks to me and myself) he was lying on the couch watching tv while watching me pick up all the toys and wipe down the table and sweep. He came out with "I don't know where you get the energy" WHAT!!! If I didn't do it who was going to do it.

Males, can't live with them. Can't live with out them. I hope he helps you a little more. You deserve it

As for the meat thing. I would have just left it there. Until he did something about it!!! I know it sounds gross, but that's what I would have done. For me it's when he doesn't put his clothes in the wash basket. I had it one day picking his clothes up to do the washing. So I just left them where they were and didn't wash his stuff. The next day when he was getting ready for work he asked where his clean socks and jocks were? I said, "I don't know, I can't remember them being in the wash when I didn the washing" He left in a huff but I sure got a chuckle about it. But still to this day he leaves them lying around. But, I still will do only the washing in the basket. Harsh I know

Answer 10

I would take off for the weekend and leave him behind with the kids so he'll have to do everything and realise how much work it is.

Answer 11

My husband said just the same thing to me once.,So i quit doing anything (except for caring for the kids) Two weeks later when the house was so dirty I could not stand it anymore - I went to my Mom's and told him that since I did nothing all day it wouldnt take him long to get it cleaned up!

By the way - him and I have been married now for 38 years and he never, ever said it again in all those years. He learned his lesson. I don't know if yours would learn or not some men just do get it.

Answer 12

So your question is what would I have done?  That F word woulda been flying out of my mouth and my fist woulda been rolling into his face!! lol

I am very sorry your husband is being such a butt.  To me, it kinda sounds like he has ADHD, does he?  I only say this because you said he can't control his sometimes verbally abusive ways.  He implusively bought the meat even after you told him not to.  I dunno.. just sounds like that to me.. If this is the case... then most likely, he is jealous of the attention the twins get and therefore, tries not to give them attention from him.  Anywho, to me, it seems that he was not ready to be a father.. and because you are pregnant yet again, its throwing fatherhood in his face.  A man should be able to step up to the plate and help his wife out.. to properly care for his children and such.  My husband and I have had a few problems in that department but he has come along way.  Put your foot down..  Don't let him get away with that c**p.  If he isnt ready to be a father, then you don't need him... your twins dont need a daddy who cant BE A DADDY!!  Sounds like he is trying to be a baby sitter and that just doesnt fly ok with me.  Sorry for my attitude but this kinda stuff makes me mad.

My husband works all day,usually 10 hours.. and comes home and helps me.. If dinner is ready, he will make it.  If laundry needs to be done, he will do it.  If the kids need something, he will take care of it.  What your husband needs to realize is that YOU DO WORK!!!!  Taking care of 2 children is HARD WORK and since he has never had to do it completely alone like you, he doesnt understand that...

Sorry for rambling...  I hope his attitude improves!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 13

I know what youre talking about. I see this type of thing so much. The husband "works" and the wife "stays home."  He probably sees staying home "staying home". Men, they just do not know. Most of them get up, eat breakfast, go to work, and they do work, Im sure that theyre jobs are hard to do too. But they come home and have little to do with the house. You have two kids and one on the way. That has GOT to be difficult.Im a stay at home mother myself and all I have is one child but TONS to do. So I feel your pain. Youre probably feeling the emotions twice as much b/c you are pregnant. Disregard what he says to you right now. Take a day off with a family member this weekend, leave him home with just the two babies. Leave the house a mess the night before. See how he responds. I have found that talking to a man can sometimes be difficult. So when i have a bone to pick with my husband, sometimes I write him a letter about it and give it to him when he isnt occupied. It usually helps. Good luck with everything and it will all be okay

Answer 14

Toddler twins and pregnant, you must be exhausted.  And while he feels that he is financially supportive, he is not being emotionally supportive or helpfull with the children right now.  

You really need to talk to him.  Sit him down and let him know you need some help around the house sometimes and will need his help escpecally after the new baby is born.  Newborns require a lot of care.  Please though when you talk to him do let him know that you appreciate him working and making it possible for you to be home (I know, but it really helps if he feels appreciated for what he does do).  Then let him know what you need.  But bottom line is he is a parent as well and needs to be helpfull with the twins because he will need to be after the new baby is born.  

Be encouraging if he does help.  A lot of times guys are kind of at a loss as to what to do with their kids.  Give him ideas, like would you read the twins a book, play with puzzles, comb their hair, brush their teeth, etc.  Be specific and if he does it really tell him how much you appreciate his help.  As he is successfull at helping he will hopefully do more and more to help.  

I am hoping you can encourage change but if he continues you may need to do something more drastic like make a choice as to if you can put up with his behavior or not.  Sometimes they just don't change.  Sometimes though if you threaten to leave they are happy to see you go.  I know that is not a pleasant thought but if you threaten something , sometimes you have to follow through with it.

As far as leaving the kids with him and going off, I would really think that one through.  Would he take care of the children?  If not then that may not be a safe idea.

Answer 15

your husband and my husband sound the same,,, mines a ****** too

ive got 4 kids,, and like u i do everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, im a stay at home mum, do school drop offs pick ups, bills, cooking , cleaning, baths, showers, am a playgroup leader too!, being pregnant till i was even overdue i was on my hands and knees bathing the older kids while hubby was watching tv weekly everynight,,, ill never ever ever forget how disgusted i felt, but he just would not pitch in

i would come home from the hospital,,, only 2 days after giving birth and i remember his mum was there too, i had to cook everyone a meal, he wouldnt even get takewawy cos he was too lazy to go out

im the type that just keeps going and being a slave

every now and then i crack up and start abusing everyone saying ive had enough,,,, but a few hours later i cool down and start cooking and cleaning all over again,,lol

and when i do have those break downs he looks at me like'' wtf is wrong with you?''

i cant win,,, so your not alone , im with you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Answer 16

What would my reaction be? Well I wouldn't say anything. I'd be lost for words. He is being very unreasonable. Suggest that you go out for the day and leave him a list of all of the things that you do when he's at work. I'm sure he will soon come round to your way of thinking.

As for your pregnancy sickness, I had it so bad. Have you tried travel sickness bands? They eased it a lot for me.  

Answer 17

i feel your pain as i went thru the same thing. do as i did. don't do the housework for 2-3 days. just do the musts. feed and bathe. after two days and your house is a wreck you can tell him "now this is what it looks like when i do nothing all day" that should shut him up. evertime my husband said i don't do anything i literally didn't do anything for a couple of days. once he saw the difference he shut up. especially when he had no socks and underwear to wear one day cuz i only did my laundry all wekk and left his right where he left them.  

Answer 18

Ask him to make a list of the things he does per day. Then make a list of yours. Men need visuals.

No need to stop doing stuff for him, it'll just end up in a major row with you having to catch up on the housework after.

Meanwhile, get a mommy's helper or cleaner in. Even if it's just for 1 morning / afternoon per week, it'll give you some breathing space.

O and tell your husband to grow up; you're not his mom, you're not his maid. He can pull his finger out and at least make sure he doesn't add to your chores and tidy up after himself.

Maybe he needs to put band on hold for a while. Family comes first. You need him around the house and helping. He can chase his high school dreams when your kids are older and your life is less demanding. I'm pretty sure you don't get time out for yourself to play around while he stays at home.

Honestly, if mine was like that I'd send him back to his mom ;)

But thank god he isn't. He stopped playing snooker at the weekend to help out around the house with shopping and cleaning. He does everything with the baby for 2 days, so I get to have a break and only have to do fun stuf with our little boy.

That's how a family is supposed to me imo.