What would your reaction be if a family member called you up and said "oh we got married yesterday."?

Question

She would ofcourse be referring to long term partner who you knew. She would be telling you that the two of them went off by themselves and did it in secret. I can appreciate that some family members would be angry, but please note that some families bring it upon themselves not to be invited.

Answer 1

My response would be:

"That's wonderful!  I am so happy for you both."

The two people involved are adults.  They do not need a family member's permission to wed.  Why should the family members be angry?  That sounds ridiculous to me.

The mothers may be a bit hurt .  .  . cos the mothers may have wanted to be present.  But other than that?  I don't think it is a family member's place to express anything but happiness.

Family members can be relieved . . . cos they don't have to buy any wedding presents . . . unless they want to do so!

And even mothers may be a bit relieved . . . cos the expense and the stress of a big wedding has been avoided.

As long as the couple are adults and they are happy, what's the big deal?  It is their decision, and none of our business.  Yes, even if we are related to them . . . it is their decision and none of our business.

Answer 2

I would feel content and happy for them and then i would ask them if they would be having a reception to celebrate.

Answer 3

I would feel happy for them.

How and when a couple marries is between them.  If they chose to have a private wedding, it would be fine with me.

Answer 4

"Congratulations! I'm anxious to see you and hear the story. Sounds romantic!"

Answer 5

To each their own.  I wouldn't be mad.  Yes i would be stunned, but not mad.  We had a similar thing happen in our family and people were upset for awhile, but its now in the past and no one cares anymore!  

Answer 6

me too!!

its so freaky! we think so similar!

Answer 7

I think it totally depends. While my first response would be to say it wouldn't matter, that the two are both adults, that's not always the case.

A good friend of mine had her mother do this to her. Her mother was living with a paroled drug addict who had lost custody of his own children. The mother had been married about four times before, always to men who needed saving. My friend and her siblings did not approve of the relationship, but out of respect for their mother tried to be supportive. Still, the mother ran off and got married without telling any of them; she told one child that very day, afterward, by cell phone even though they were in the same house.

My friend and her siblings were very hurt and insulted, and I think, rightly so. In this case, the elopement was a cowardly and selfish thing to do. Sure, the mother had the right to do it. But having the right to do something does not mean it is the right thing to do.

The mother and the new husband are now divorcing, four months later.

Answer 8

If all's fair in love, then what is the problem here?  

It'd be nice to have the happy couple over for dinner & you could invite anyone else you'd like too.  

I love a party > just let me know when & where!  Bar b que would be great!

Answer 9

I'd be hurt, but I'd do my best to congratulate the couple and share in the happiness. How successful I would be at this would, of course depend on my relationship to the family member.

Oh, and I have Asperger's tendencies so I'm not a typical case.

Answer 10

If they went and got married by themselves with no other family I wouldn't be mad.  

Answer 11

I learned that my brother was married over a year after he got married, while he was in the middle of his divorce.  My parents learned of it only a couple months before I did.  I was furious with all of them, though I wasn't entirely surprised that my brother got married in secret after learning is reasons (convenience because it got him of the Naval base, and good s*x).  I was more angry with my parents because they never told me when they learned of his marriage.

Answer 12

I would be happy for them!

My cousin and I were close but grew apart when I moved to college. I always knew she was there for me and we always had catch up days and caught up on everything.  I told her my hometown friends would be in my wedding because I was closer to them at the time and she flipped out saying of course i was in her wedding she should be in mine.

She then went to arizona for a guy she met once, got married with only his family there, and didn't even tell us or give us a chance to fly out there. We all had no idea.

So I was pissed about that. But if no one was there and depending on how close I was with them. I would have a reason to be upset. Everyone does it there way.

Answer 13

I think it's just fine,

I might be a little sad I missed such an important day for them and the opportunity for a great party. But clearly they did what they wanted and it was important for them to do it that way.

I'd likely have a big backyard bbq for them just to say "congrats" and help take the pressure off of them, as a lot of people will start the "well you're going to have a reception for us now right?!"

I wish I had balls like that lol.  

Answer 14

It depends on the family member & how close the relationship is.

No matter who it was, I would be happy for the couple that they were married, but if it was someone very close to me (like my sister--she's my best friend, and will be my maid of honor), I'd feel extremely hurt that she didn't tell me or want me there to share in the best day of her life. My parents would feel hurt too, since they raised her and they've always been there to support her.. I think it's disrespectful toward the closest family members to not have them there after they've supported the person through his/her entire life. I guess I'm really family-oriented, and I see a marriage as a union of two people as well as a union of their two families.

If it was a cousin or other family member I rarely see, however, I wouldn't feel as upset or hurt, as long as I wasn't the only cousin excluded.

Answer 15

I'd be sad for not being invited but would be happy and totally respect their decisions

Answer 16

I would congratulate them and be excited for them.  I might feel disappointed that they didn't have a ceremony I could attend, but I wouldn't dream of telling them that; my selfish reactions don't get to spoil THEIR good news.

My husband's mother and step-dad got married while my husband was out of town on a business trip.  The trip had been scheduled for 3 months.  They intentionally chose that week to get married, and they made no bones about the fact that they were getting married at the courthouse, by a judge who was a personal friend, and they wanted no one there except their two witnesses.  My husband didn't even blink twice.  Didn't bother him at all.  He and I were engaged at the time, and it bothered me a whole lot more than it bothered him.

Answer 17

I don't know how I'd react. I guess if I were close to this family member I would probably be a little shocked. I contimplated getting married in secret but decided it would upset too many people so we are having a proper wedding and reception in front of 80 guests.