Whatayathinkamypoem?

Question

apathy

it'll pass, i know

but right now

there's no denyin'

that i'm dyin', just a little

more and more each day.

it's a common malaise that afflicts the affluent

a kind of gout of the soul,

leaving one's mind tender to the touch

of reason and all its attendant responsibilities. It's all too much

this call to action when

i'd rather just

gather dust

right there in that chair by the fire.

Answer 1

I don't think that "bite" is a typical characteristic of apathy. I doubt whether you will care, but here are my thoughts:

Not even the apathetic should be permitted to use wuss phrases such as "kind of." Sit or get off the pot. Is you is or is you ain't?

I love the metaphor "gout of the soul." It makes me want to smoke a cigar and drink a bottle of Port.

I am undecided as to whether this is truly an expression of apathy. It could very well be sloth. The problem is  if it were really apathy, you wouldn't care what anyone thought. And if it were sloth, you wouldn't have written it in the first place. Or maybe you yourself lack a clear understanding. So is it ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care.

btw: This was great fun, thanks.

Answer 2

Engaging and ironic - I loved it, although I am a little uneasy about the end of the 1st and last stanza where it comes over all nursery rhymey and all too obviously iambic. I would also have liked an end with more bite.