Whats The Funniest Joke You Have *Ever* Heard?

Question

Whats The Funniest Joke You Have *Ever* Heard?

Answer 1

knock knock

whos there

boo

boo who

dont cry its only meeee

lol its a lot cornier that it is funny

Answer 2

The head Nun of the convent called all 100 Nuns into the foyer for an emergency meeting.

"Last night," She started "I found something terrible in one of the sisters rooms."

99 Nuns "Oh no"

1 Nun "He, he"

"A condom!" said the head Nun.

99 Nuns "Oh no"

1 Nun "He, he"

Head Nun "And it was used!"

99 Nuns "Oh no"

1 Nun "He, he"

Head Nun "And it had a hole in it!"

1 Nun "Oh no"

99 Nuns "He, he"

Answer 3

This is HILARIOUS!!! It's alot to read but sOOOO worth a good laugh!

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of

easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and

now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home,

fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would

ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull

the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of

my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No

melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand,

they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or

wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard

can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined

enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each

other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks

in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"

yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it

tight and . . . . . . pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.

I can do this!

Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward

body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I

sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting

championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right

side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my v****a and

stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek. (Yes, it was a long strip)

I inhale deeply and brace myself.........RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half

the strip. c**p!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is

swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...........must stay

conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to

normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has

caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel

in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.

I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch.

I am touching wax. c**p! I run my fingers over the most sensitive

part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake.......remember my foot is still

propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my

foot down. d**n!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.

v****a? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do

and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to p**p. My head

may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water

melts wax!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,

immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe

it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture

prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only

thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having

them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...

in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I

had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who

had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the

bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some

secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation

starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glue together to the bottom

of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret

tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She

wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or

hole or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now.....I can hear her. I

give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of

the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's

night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax

off with a razor . Nothing feels better then to have your girlie

goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water

and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not

working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to

need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving

grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on

and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and

scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I

really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works !!" I get a hearty

congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully

remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and

despair....

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Answer 4

Woman goes to the doctor and asks if there's any way she can make her b***s bigger, other than by getting a boob-job.

He has a good look at them and then says: "The only thing I can suggest is that every morning, you rub a few sheets of toilet paper up and down between them".

She says: "are you sure that will work?"

He says: "we'll, it's worth a try; it's worked a treat so far on your  a s s".