Whats the best joke you have ever heard!!!!?

Question

so i need a really funny joke to win a bet!!! do u have any!!!!

Answer 1

One day a 50 year old man walked to the doctors to get a sperm count.

The doctor gave him a jar and told him to fill it up by tomarrow.

The next day the man walked in a the jar was empty. The doctor asked why isnt the jar filled. The man says " well first i tried with my left hand but nothing worked then i tried with my right hand then nothing worked. so i got my wife to try. she tried both hands and even her mouth. but it still didnt work. so i asked my mom to give it a try she tryed with both hands, mouth and even her feet.

The doctor sais " YOUR MOM TRIED IT!!!!"

The man said " yeah and we still couldnt get the jar open"

Answer 2

So there was this snail....

Thats all.

Answer 3

i don't know why do you care

Answer 4

Did you hear about the g*y guy who put a nicotine patch on his no no's?

He's down to two butts a day!!!

;)

Answer 5

bert goes up to ernie and says: would you like some ice cream? and ernie says: SHER BERT.

:]

Answer 6

there were these 3 guys walking through the forest and they get captured by native Americans. the chief native American said to them "go get 10 of 1 fruit and bring it back to me" so the first guy came back with apples, and the chief native American said to him "shove them up your butt without showing any facial expression or emotion or I'll boil and eat you" and after the 5th one, he cried. so he was boiled and eaten. the 2nd guy came back with cherries, and the chief native American said to him "shove them up your butt without showing any facial expression or emotion or I'll boil and eat you" and after the 9th one, he burst out laughing. so he was boiled and eaten as well. so now the 1st and 2nd guy are both and heaven, and the 1st guy said to the 2nd guy, "why did you burst out laughing? you could have saved your life." and the 2nd guy answers, "i saw the 3rd guy coming with pineapples."

Answer 7

what animal jumps higher than the empire estate building?

A: all of them,the empire estate building can't jump.

Answer 8

What did I say five minutes ago to my vacuum!

"Haha you suck!"

Answer 9

mission accomplished!

Answer 10

a little boy asked his mom where babies came from, and she said the stork. well the little boy looks up at her and says "Who F*cked the stork?"

Answer 11

did you hear about the blonde who text her friend

"What does IDK mean?"

the friend text back

"I don't know"

The blonde says........

"OMG........NOBODY DOES!"

Answer 12

jesus might be able to walk on water, but chuck norris can swim threw it.

your moms so fat, is she was a super hero her name would be the incredible "bulk".

a old french wooden battle ship was on the water and 1 man said, "enemy ship above the horizon" the captain said,"bring me my red shirt" and a crew member said "well ok...." So he got it and the battle went on for the hole day and didn't lose 1 solder and 10 minutes after the fight the crew member said, " why did u want me to get you a red shirt?" the capstan said," so if i get shot, nobody would notice and continue to fight on......................................... the next day a man said 20 enemy ships over the horizon, the captain said," bring me my brown pants!"

k 3 girls were on a desert island, stranded. a blond, brunet and black woman.they found a gene lamp.

the black woman wishes for a plane to be off the island, the brunet wishes to teleport off the island, the blond starts crying and the gene says, "whats wrong little one?" the blond says " i wish i had all my friends back!!"

please make me best one

Answer 13

Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?

A: After 10 years, the job still sucks....  

Answer 14

what is beethoven's favorite fruit???

BA NA NA NA (you say it to the tune of his most famous symphony #9)

what happened when 2 pretzels were walking down the street?

One was aSALTed