Whats the best way of telling my wife that I am no longer physically attracted to her without hurting feelings

Question

shes always averaged 120-130 lbs. Now she weighs 175lbs and gaining. I tried to talk to her , help her, diet with her, take her on a vacation, take her on a cruise, and so on but to no avail.

I just am not attracted to her and you know i don't want to get intimate.

Shes very happy too. shes not depressed and we have a wonderful relationship. But I have to be attracted to her physically too by nature.

She snacks alot. Eats junk food, and doesnt watch her calories.

I worry about her health

Shes 26 and im 33. I am 6 foot tall and weigh 185 lbs.

Answer 1

uh, news flash: there is no way to do that without hurting her feelings. women are sensitive about their weight. you must be a super prick. i guess if you tell her that, you'd better have a box of kleenex ready, and be prepared for a slap in the face. sorry dude, but there just is no way.

Answer 2

She sounds like a typical American wife lol

Fat and overweight  

Answer 3

There is No Way to Do that,  Are u for real,  Or kidding.  What if you were going bald and she told you she was not attracted to you physically because of it. Do you really Love her,  This does not sound like love to me.  Not real love.  Think you should read some of Dr Phil's books before you even open your mouth, unless you want it to be one of the last things that come out of it before the door hits you on the way out.  You have a wonderful relationship.  I do not think so. If you worry about her health okay that make sense. Get his book on health too.  Get reading.  Start looking into yourself for whats really wrong.  If you Married her for her Looks, And you think she is always going to look the same.  You will be in for a let down.  And you could shrink with age also,  So you are not going to be 6 foot forever. You are being shallow . And you may want to change your name to Use to be.

Answer 4

tell her to get  get s**y

Answer 5

Your going to end up hurting her feelings regardless of what you say. Maybe she's over eating because she is depressed and it's a way for her to cope with her feelings. Talk to her not just about her weight but about her life and the things that worry her, bother her, make her mad sad etc. Even suggest counseling and going for walks together just to talk. Why don't you go food shopping with her (or without) and pick up fresh fruit, veggies, low fat snacks etc.?  It's a start. Good luck!

Answer 6

You're going to hurt her regardless. Just go and tell her.

But if you truly love her, you wouldn't be caring about her looks, but I guess you're concerned about her health. I'll let you slide on that one.

Answer 7

send us photos and then we give you the right words to say.

Answer 8

oh hunny this is a very sensitive subject...i weighed 115 and now i am 140 its a big difference but the diff. is my husband loves that i have a fuller body i am toned...talk to her tell her how u feel if i ever got over weight i would hope my husband would tel me straight..."baby i have noticed u are gaining weight and don't get me wrong its nice to have a lil something to hold onto but maybe we should start walk every evening and eating a lil healthier this would help u tone up" tell her something like ur thinking of renewing ur wedding vows and u would love for her to wear her wedding dress again...this would deff. get my butt off the couch and start working out....just don't call her FAT that's a big no no...but hopefully u know that

Hope this helps

Take care

Answer 9

If you truly and honestly love your wife. Like if you loved her enough to marry her, her looks would not matter THIS much to you.

Answer 10

well there's no way to come out right and say that ur not attractive anymore

but maybe u 2 can go excercising after work. and not even a big excercise. just like a power walk in the park.

and u could start buying healthy snacks when u go grocery shopping instead of chips and stuff

u kno like those one hundred calorie packs or even some fruits and veggies.

now u could always say to her that its her health that ur worried about.

or u could come out and nicely say "sweet heart, im worried that u might have gained a few pounds since weve gotten married" u never kno she might not see it. but saying that might get u a night on the couch...

Answer 11

There is probably no way of doing this without hurting her feelings to some extent. But if you present the problem as one you are experiencing, and seek her help, and do not come on too strong, and avoid blame, then she should be able to get past her hurt feelings. Take responsibility for your communication; don't get sucked in right away by her initial reaction. It will pass.

The answerers who blame you for these feelings are way off base, IMHO. Sexual attraction is to a large extent based on physical features; it is grounded in instinct as conditioned by social factors. We all live in society, and in our society "fat" people are rarely sexually attractive.

However, I also think you have to speak directly to your wife about this. Marriage is about intimacy, including but not limited to sexual intimacy. If you try to "hide" your feelings you will forever be blocked and separated and really, lost to her.

A therapist or counselor could help to provide a safe setting. No matter what else, you should make it clear that you love her, want to have a great relationship with her, but have no current desire to have s*x with her and feel uncomfortable about that.

Don't blame her, but tell her in a matter of fact way that you think her weight is a big part of the problem. Tell her that you don't want to drift apart. Suggest (again) that you work on the issue and solve it like any other problem. I would also ask her whether she has thought about this issue herself; women tend to be sensitive about weight in large measure because they know it is a big part of their sexual attractiveness. Ask her to share her own thoughts and feelings, and then LISTEN.

If you blame her for her weight, she will only become defensive and will no6t be able to respond constructively. But if she values her marriage, and she also wants to have a sexual life, then she will eventually understand that this is an issue that cannot remain unaddressed.

By the way: diets do not work. She will have to make a significant life-style adjustment, including a change in both diet and exercise. The weight loss will then be slow and steady. She probably cannot do this change alone, or even with your support. A weight-management program, or a naturopathic physician, will make a big difference. You will have to cooperate in this. In the long run, both of you will be much better off, with fewer health problems and more energy for the best things in life, including s*x.

Answer 12

sky write it or send her a singing telegram.