Whats the best way to deal with a suicide in the family?

Question

My nan committed suicide over the weekend, to be honest i think i am in denial about the whole thing, as if she is still here.

Whenever i think about it i just feel angry. She's tried this a couple of times before and suffered from Bipolar. I too suffer from Bipolar and i just feel such a hypocrite being angry with her because i know how hard living with it is.

My aunt committed suicide 8 years ago, i think i was too young then for it to affect me as much but now losing my nan is making me unstable and it's easier for me to pretend it hasn't happened.

I DON'T want to see a grief counsellor so please don't suggest this, i have enough people trying to tell me how to feel.

I'd appreciate advise from people who have had a loved one commit suicide,

Thankyou.

Answer 1

I haven't had a loved one commit sucide but I have lost my sister last year and what you describe is grief, it's only now when I look back I can see how it affected me mentally and physically and still does but not to such a degree but my advice is to go with it and let grief take it's course, it affects people differently we are all not the same so people go through the different stages of grief in their own time.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, the last year as been a tough one for me but you do get through it somehow even though you have times when you feel your heart will break with the overwhelming pain of the loss, somehow it doesn't. All the very best to you.

Answer 2

If you don't want to talk to a grief counselor, then have a talk with your psychiatrist or psychologist about how you've been feeling.  Your doctor may have a few suggestions or even change the dosing of your medications to help get you through this difficult time in your life.

If you really feel 'unstable' and need someone to talk to right away, look in your local yellow pages for the crisis hot line.  The volunteers that work there are trained to talk to people about a lot of different issues.

I hope this helps.  Good luck.

Answer 3

Suicide is often extremely traumatic for the friends and family members that remain (the survivors), even though people that attempt suicide often think that no-one cares about them. In addition to the feelings of grief normally associated with a person's death, there may be guilt, anger, resentment, remorse, confusion and great distress over unresolved issues. The stigma surrounding suicide can make it extremely difficult for survivors to deal with their grief and can cause them also to feel terribly isolated.

Communication may be difficult because of family members’ fear of hurting one another by speaking of the suicide, or perhaps there may be blame within the family.

Each member will be affected in a different way, since each bore a different relationship to the deceased.

The differences need to be discussed. accepted and respected, as each member will grieve in their own way and in their own time.

It is so important to understand that all the feelings mentioned are normal and to be expected, in varying degrees and at different times.

No one can give a pattern for grief — it is different for all of us.

Let the emotions be felt and do not attempt to fight them. Allow yourself to be sad, angry, guilty — do not let anyone else tell you how you should, or ought to feel.

You have experienced a traumatic and terrible shock.

Give yourself time to heal.

Events will trigger emotions unexpectedly, but allow for this and do not be ashamed.

You will never ‘get over it’, but, in time, will learn to live with it.

Life will never be the same again, never back to ‘normal’, but you can create a new normal.

Survivors often find that people relate differently to them after the suicide, and may be very reluctant to talk about what has happened for fear of condemnation.

They often feel like a failure because someone they cared so much about has chosen to suicide, and may also be fearful of forming any new relationships because of the intense pain they have experienced through the relationship with the person who has completed suicide.

People who have experienced the suicide of someone they cared deeply about can benefit from "survivor groups", where they can relate to people who have been through a similar experience, and know they will be accepted without being judged or condemned.

Most counselling services should be able to refer people to groups in their local area. Survivor groups, counselling and other appropriate help can be of tremendous assistance in easing the intense burden of unresolved feelings that suicide survivors often carry.

Say to yourself, "I have decided to live!" Recognize that you have been hit with a terrible tragedy and yet you have still survived.

You had no choice and no control over the suicide but you do have a choice to survive and live through it. It may be the hardest task that you will ever have to perform, but you will survive!

I did and you will do the same. Be strong!

Answer 4

One of my mates took his life at the age of nineteen,not family i know but i would rather somebody take that way out than suffer.Nobody can tell you how to feel that is a personal journal sorry to hear this be strong for yourself

Answer 5

A slipknot, it's quick and you  wont feel a thing.

See a grief counselor.

Answer 6

Here are the 9 healthy ways to deal with death.  They helped me alot

1- Acknowledge the Emotions- there is no escaping this. You have emotions and initially it is important to allow yourself to feel and express them. Your emotions can range from sadness to angers, resentment , frustrations... find an outlet to release them. Some options for managing emotions are; talking to friends and family, working out, writing, or support groups.

2-

- Honour Your Loved One By Living – there is what we call ‘survivors guilt’ where people stop living and can go into morning, sadly, sometimes forever. This is the last thing your partner, parent, child or friend would want for you. Remember that; they would want you to live, to feel alive, they would not want to be the reason you gave up. You can miss them and at the same time honour them by living.

3-

Perspective – remember though death is difficult it is also very normal part of life and it is a reminder of how little we actually know. We don’t know what happens to people when they die, where they go...why they go - death can be an unconscious reminder of how little we truly understand life.

4-

Acceptance- their physical presence may be gone however their legacy lives on. Nothing can undo the experience of love and joy you shared with someone. Look for ways to honour them in a manner that has you feeling powerful and alive.

5-

Be in the moment – they will always be a part of you and your greatest power is found living in the now. Push yourself to be active, try new things, accept invitations, it may take some time eventually it will get easier – the key is to put yourself into the surroundings of people and new activities regardless of what you feel like at the moment.

6- Remember the Great Times – and do it in a manner where there is joy. Feeling sorry for yourself will slow down the healing process and can result in long term depression and other physical ailments. Keep your memories in a healthy context.

7- Reach out- now is the time to reach out to people, open up, be engaged, accept that helping hand. We are meant to be connected with others, put aside the pride or the need to get through things alone and let people in. People, love, hugs are a catalyst for healing. Let it happen.

8- Goals- One of the greatest gift you can give yourself is a goal. Take a cruise, open a new business, renovate your home, join a group or simply get out there! When we create things in our future we are less likely to get stuck in the past. It also support us in feeling ALIVE!

9- Make a difference for others- One way to expedite the healing process is to talk to others on what you went through and what helped you dealing with the pain and emotions. When you reach out to others not only are you in the moment but you are able to step outside of the pain to get another perspective. This is truly a gift.

Good luck x*x

Answer 7

pary for that person who lost life.its just what has bound to happen.u can't change it.your crying won't bring her back.once i wanted to kill myself then i met a girl  who lost beloved one and that helped me reliaze may be some of my friend will really miss me if i kill myself even if my parents won't.it is important for u to reliaze the lesson that u shouldn't do it.thats important and what is in control of u.

Answer 8

I haven't lost someone close to me to suicide, but I have lost loved ones, and I was introduced to someone by a friend, and a week after I met him, he also committed suicide... I can only say that losing anyone, for any reason is hard. And you have to remember this wasn't your fault. Just try to remember the good times you had with her, smile and laugh at the good memories, and try not to focus so much on the fact that she is no longer with you.

It is going to be hard for a while, as it is any time you lose someone. I know what you are going through, and I know that no matter what anyone says to try to comfort you, it is not going to be easy. Try going to her favourite places. If there is something that she wanted to do in her life, but never got a chance, maybe you could try it. Like visiting another country or just doing something crazy that you know she would have loved to experience. Doing the things that she loved will help you to feel closer to her, and to focus on the positive things. It will help you to understand the person she was, her passions and interests in life, so you will be able to remember the positive, not focus on the negative. I know you are probably in denial, but don't be afraid to grieve for your loss.

I know I have a really hard time dealing with things like this, but the best advice that I can give you is that although it is healthy to move on, you need to deal with what has happened. Don't be afraid to cry for her. Bring her favourite flowers when you go to visit her at the cemetery when you are ready, and if you have somebody close that you can talk to, don't be afraid. Other people are dealing with the same pain you are, and they can help you get through this difficult time.

<3

Answer 9

i dont speak from experience but my advice would be...

allow yourself to be angry.  i mean, dont go round lashing out at people, but be aware that youre human, with emotions, and its healthier to let emotions out than to bottle them up

maybe try writing your feelings down on paper, that can sometimes help when trying to manage them.  who knows, they could lead to some poetry or a short story even

i guess another thing to bear in mind is that there is no prescribed way to feel when something like this happens.  feelings are not like maths, there are no right or wrong feelings, there are only helpful and not-so-helpful ways of dealing with those feelings, whatever they may be

hopefully in time youll reach a place where you can feel more at peace with your nan