Whats the best way to handle my son when he has a tantrum?

Question

He is 2 1/2 and will throw a fit any where and every where if he doesn't get what he wants. I've always been firm with him but just these past couple of weeks he will take no notice of me and drop to the floor and scream the place down. Where as before he would have a little sniffle and just carry on as he was. He does it every where. What is the best way to handle this? It is getting to the point where I'm starting to avoid going out as I know he will have a screaming fit over pretty much any thing.

Answer 1

I'm 63 now but I can still remember my mother telling me that if I continued to make that noise I'd get something to make a noise about. She meant every word. I soon learned. Corporal punishment, provided that it is delivered without anger and the recipient is told what will happen if they don't behave beforehand, has never done anyone any harm.

Answer 2

My son goes to bed nursing a sore bottom. The tantrums stop real quick, trust me.

Answer 3

Ignore him completely. If this doesn't help drop everything and off to bed. If you're in public leave your grocery cart or whatever else and go home for a nap or timeout or the corner or whatever. Tell him if he doesn't act like he diserves a treat he won't get any at all. No new toys or shows or special snacks. My nephew is going through the same this and this is working so far. He's stopped the grocery store tantrums.

Answer 4

Just make sure he is unlikely to hurt himself (head-banging etc) and let him get on with it. He's seeking attention and the best way to put a stop to it is to make him realise his tantrums won't get him what he wants.

Answer 5

The ignoring trick usually works. You turn away (nto fully-look out corner of eye for safety) and pretend you havent noticed. This way he hasnt gotten your attention for the negative behaviour. Then when he gets down to just sniffles and calming down then you go to him and deal with him eg-removing him from area, distracting him etc.

Another trick is distraction-it works best before the tantrum so if you know you are about to say or do something that will upset him such as the word "no" :) then get a backup prepared such as get him to help you, hold something, eat something, look at something etc.  This should avoid the tantrum or atleast make it finish quicker.

Some people do naughty step but i dont think its appropriate at this age and really if he's having a fit and on the floor then its giving him attention which will reinforce the behaviour and it will more than likely make the tantrum escalate!  

Answer 6

Ignore DUNROBIN, cos violence isn't the answer, idiot.

My health visitor told me, quote "We WANT children to have tantrums because they are an important part of a child's development."

I know what you're going through, my daughter was the same. At First i was so embarrassed cos everyone kept staring, i mean people keep saying ignore kids when they're having a tantrum, yet they have loads of attention from nosy strangers anyway.

Anyway, after a while i thought sod it. If i was out shopping or just walking down the street & she had a tantrum, i just used to sit down on the ground with her & turn my head away while keeping a firm grip of her reins & wait for her to finish, sometimes i'd be sat on the footpath or the middle of tescos 4 a good 10 minutes.

If people stared i'd say to them, "What's the matter, have you never heard a baby cry (or scream) ?" That soon put a stop to them nosing at us!

You have to give him no attention whatsoever & make sure nobody else does either. It WILL end if he gets nothing from it.

My daughter is 5 now, she is well behaved most of the time & has lovely manners too. I have a boy now who has just turned 2, his tantrums are quite tame compared to my daughter, she's wild like her mother! ;-) Good luck with your son.

Answer 7

He's is going through the terrible twos, a stage all children go through at some point. How you deal with this stage, will lay down the guidelines for the rest of all your lives!

I would suggest you try to distract him when he starts his tantrum. If this does not work, give him a choice "you can do this or that". If that doesn't work, then make sure he is safe, then ignore him. He is doing it to get attention and his own way. By offering choices you are encouraging his independence, but this option is quite hard to implement in the middle of a full blown tantrum. By ignoring him, walking away and getting on with something else, he should quickly get over it. When he does, try not to hold a grudge. Have a hug, talk about it briefly, then move on.

Good luck, it will soon pass

Answer 8

yes the terrible two's as they say it will only get worse when he is three. what i do when my son has a tantrum for whatever reason i just ignore him and if it gets out of control i go up to him and as k him if he needs a hug to help calm down which usually helps alot.  think you need to start actually disciplinging him if he is throwing huge tantrums out in public all the time. you cant make threats and not do them cuz then he knows you wont do what you said. so if you say that we will be going home if you do not stop and he keeps persisting then leave your cart grab your kid and purse and leave i have done that plenty of times with both my kids and its not easy but it is effective.  do not make empty threats follow through.

also if you are with him all the time i bet he is getting bored being around you (no offense) i know how this is i have been with my two kids since well the day of their concepttion i rarely leave them home and they do get bore of being around just one person all the time you gotta let someone watch them for a while and that may help withthe tantrums.  

Answer 9

Me and several other moms put our child in the play pen until the tantrum is over.   LOVE it.  Oh, well that is only if you are at home.

If you're away - just tell him you are going to go home if he doesn't stop and follow through.  He'll figure it out after a couple times.

Answer 10

Ignoring a problem is NEVER a solution. The problem will NEVER go away if ignored, but will simply get worse over time. You said it yourself, he is at a point where you don't go out in public much because he HAS escalated because you have ignored the problem! You are seeing the results of ignoring the problem first hand. "asseenfromoutside" has the right idea. I am 60 and have virtually identical memories from MY childhood. "If you do not stop that RIGHT NOW, THIS MINUTE, I will GIVE you a REASON to scream!" And if I (or any of my younger brothers and sisters) did not stop in a reasonable amount of time, there was a consequence.We were warned, and if we did not stop, we paid the consequence. Public or private made NO difference. The consequence was the same everywhere under any conditions, one sharp flat-handed smack directly on the bottom, nowhere else, just one sharp flat-handed smack directly on the bottom. Continue or escalate, and it was another warning, some time to change and if we did not stop, followed by a 2nd smack, only harder. If it escalated and it got to a 4th time, then it was time to smack a bare bottom. No one in my family ever made it past the 4th, that I know of anyway. You have to be consistent and ALWAYS follow through if you threaten a consequence for unacceptable behavior. Corporal punishment is not always a BAD thing, provided it is administered correctly, NEVER in anger, but simply as a direct consequence AFTER a warning of what the consequence will be. The smack on the bottom is a wonderful way to distract the child, which is the goal. However, at age 2+1/2, the kid will still have enough padding that it really won't do much of anything, but the fact you DID this as a consequence will usually get the attention it deserves. (The "I can't believe you DID that" response.) Give the kid a chance to recover his composure. If it gets worse, as it may, then warn again, wait a reasonable amount of time and swat a little harder. If the child escalates, you follow suit. I remember my youngest sister getting as many as 4 smacks once, before she finally wised up and stopped throwing a tantrum, and yes, my mom was getting stares from others. Get the focus of the child onto something else. I guarantee, if you do this right, as a direct consequence for this specific behavior of a tantrum, this kind of unacceptable behavior will abruptly stop. Be reasonable. You have to give warning. You have to allow time for the child to respond. You have to specify the consequence. And last, you have to follow through completely and consistently, NO exceptions. If you ONCE let the kid off the hook, you will find yourself letting the kid off the hook forever after and the kid will run your life with tantrum after tantrum. Nip it in the bud or be prepared to live with it forever. As with your little puppy dog who simply does not know any better, you have to assert dominance, not harsh dictatorship, and remember, your family is NOT a democracy, but rather more of a benevolent monarchy.

If you are one of the few who believe corporal punishment is always unacceptable and will forever mentally scar the child and produce sociopathic behavior later in life and is likely to breed serial killers, or worse feel that this is child abuse, I feel sorry for you and the trouble you will have, but the goal is STILL the same, distraction to something else, and the sooner the better. That high pitched wailing of a full blown temper tantrum may not trouble you, but it grates on my ears easily 100 times worse than fingernails screeching on a chalkboard and if you do NOT do something about it, I will be all over YOUR case about disturbing the peace...

Answer 11

Just ignore him and let him get on with it - if you back down and pick him up or tell him off - he is getting what he wants - attention!!

Just tell him you are going - he'll soon pick himself up and follow.

Answer 12

Ignore him and walk away. Let him lay on the floor wailing if he wants to. Don't give him any eye contact or talk to him and walk to somewhere you can see him but he cannot see you.

Trust me, he will soon pick himself up and come running to you.