Whats the funniest expression you ever heard?

Question

when i started working somewhere once something was typed at a slight diagonal as the paper was loaded slightly skew, so i asked someone if it was ok or i should redo it and the person replied

"its fine, a blind man running for his life would never notice"

i thought that was really funny, she was scottish so dont know if its a scottish saying. and sorry its not pc but get over it. ta.

Answer 1

Don't read.. If you read, dont!

Answer 2

My eldest daughter (nor 31!!) had a perfect answer to words, "Be careful!" (she was usually climbing up onto something at the time!). She used to say, "I'm becarefulling!"

We still use the word!

Answer 3

When someone asks a question with a very obvious answer, like "does the president live in the White House?" I've always loved the

"Does a bear sh*t in the woods?"

Very sarcastic and makes the point it was probably a dumb question.

Answer 4

uhmm

Answer 5

OH MY JONAS!

I crack up every time some geeky little girl says that to her disney-obsessed friends.

Answer 6

When I was younger, and laughing at something silly my grandad used to say you'd laugh to see your grannies a**e on fire lol

Answer 7

"Hey, it's not rocket surgery."

Answer 8

That man couldnt hit a barn door with a machine gun - football

The reffire's blown him up - football

Answer 9

This one-"you couldn't get laid in a brothel with a bag of diamonds"cracked me up the first time i heard it.

Answer 10

I always liked

"If brains were gun powder he couldn't blow his nose"

Answer 11

shes as good as she deserves to be. my grandma used to say it about people she didn't approve of and I still haven't worked it out!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 12

These are a few of my regular favorites.

"That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe!"

"You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog."

"You could start an argument in an empty house."

"That boy’s more slippery than snot on a glass doorknob."

"She’s so clumsy she could trip over a cordless phone!"

"He’s so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss."

"I think he’s one fry short of a Happy Meal."

Haha they're all class.

Answer 13

a bear doesn't sh*t in the woods if it lives in a zoo.

Answer 14

I'm not so green as cabbage looking.

Answer 15

how about these,

                        Pertaining to someone leaving somwhere quickly.

he was out of there like a bishop in a brothel raid,

or someone entering somewhere quickly,

he was in there like a rat up a drainpipe,

if brains were gunpowder there woudn't be enough to blow his hat off,

or to a less than happy person,

he's never happy unless he's miserable

Answer 16

its as fake as a tranny's f***y

lol

Answer 17

Dude, you're harshing my mellow

Answer 18

Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?