Whats the funniest joke you've ever heard?

Question

its the day before this guys daughters birthday so he stops at the toy shop on the way home from work and asks the shop assistant how much the barbies cost and she says: malibu barbie £19.99, vet barbie £19.99, wedding barbie £19.99, holiday barbie £19.99 and divorced barbie £99.99 and the guy asks why does divorced barbie cost so much more? and the shop assistant replies because divorced barbie comes with kens money, kens car, kens boat, kens dog and kens house.

Answer 1

I really like the Aristocrats joke told by Gilbert Godfried and Bob Saget. Both of those guys tell it very well!

Cheers

Answer 2

Guys door goes in the middle of the night..he gets out of bed goes down..a complete stranger apologises about the time and says "any chance you could give me a push mate?"..they guy tells him to bugger off its 4am..back in his bed he feels a bit guilty and goes back down..opens the door but cant see the guy..so he shouts .."you still there pal?" ..a voice shouts "yes" .."where are you?".."im over here on the swings :)

Answer 3

Dad: "Son, if you m********e too much, you will go blind."

Son: "Dad, I'm over here."

For years, it was:-

What do you call a Japanese car thief?

Tommytookyamota.

Answer 4

What's Jackie Chan's favourite drink?

Wah-Tahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Answer 5

One day 3 chinese men were riding down the road, and they saw a dead guy beside the road. So, they picked him up and put him in the backseat. The cop stopped them for speeding, and checked out the whole car. He found the dead guy. Of course, the 3 guys could barely speak English. One guy could only say Yes! The other guy could only say forks and knives. And the other one could only say shut up! So, when the cop said, "did you kill this guy?" Guy 1 said Yes! Then the cop said, "what did you use to kill him?" And, guy 2 said, "forks and knives!" Then he said get in the back of my police car, you're going to jail." The 3rd guy said, "Shut Up!"

Haha. I think I did it right. The 3rd guy might say something different. But, its still funny. 10 points? :]

Answer 6

It's not really an insult, but it's a Hannah Montana joke everyone would giggle for;

Miley Cyrus, the 15-year-old star of the "Hannah Montana" television show, is considered a role model for teens.

However, which will come first: being arrested for DUI, or being photographed without wearing panties, etc...?

rachelle

Answer 7

a man was walking by the beach.he was wandering along when he heard the sound of a woman's cry comin from the shore.he looked towards the shore and saw a lopsided wheelchair.as he got closer, he realised the woman in the wheelchair had no limbs.the woman was still crying, so the man asked if he could do anything to help.the woman said noone stopped to help her in 2 hrs.the man fixed her wheel & he turned to leave.he got a few steps when he heard her crying again.he turned back & asked what was wrong this time. she said she had never been kissed. he felt sorry for her, so he bent down & gave her a gentle kiss on the lips.she smiled,so he turned to walk away.again he got a few steps when he heard her cry again.he stopped, turned & asked her what was wrong this time.she said she'd never been f*cked. he smiled at her, bent down, & gently picked her limbless body up into his strong arms. he turned to the shore, chucked her into the water & said there u go, you're f*cked now!!!

heard this one years ago, and it's still my all time fave.

Answer 8

I'm gonna have to say G.W. and his gang of idiots

Answer 9

one i heard last week.

Answer 10

ok its a dirty joke...

tommy came home from school one day and went to his parents bedroom to find his dad hitting his mom from the back.  his dad turned around and smacked her a*s and smiled at tommy.  upset, tommy closed the door and left.

a couple hours later tommy's dad went to tommy's bedroom to find tommy hitting his grandmother from the back.  tommy smacked her a*s, turned around and said to his dad "it doesn't feel so good to see ur mom like this, does it?"

Answer 11

What did the p***s say to the condom?

Cover me, I'm going in!