Whats the funniest joke you have heard?

Question

Whats the funniest joke you have heard?

Answer 1

A wife arriving home after a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words.

"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wear because the color didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.

"Then, as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?' ....

....So, here we are!"  

Answer 2

Your face.

sssss burn.

=)

Answer 3

Why Newton died?

..... Here is the reason.

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes....................

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, accordingto the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head.

To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured!

Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters.Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife.

Guess, what he does?

He throws the knife at the middle gangster & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it.

Guess what he does. Nah?

Not even in your remotest imaginations.

He waits for the gangster to shoot.

As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang Bang Bang...the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He wascompletely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed.

Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives.

Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.

(Mr.Newton is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air.The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton Commits Suicide!!!!!!!!!

Fact:

All the scenes are really done by the tamil actor rajanikanth in his movies

Answer 4

A little boy was doing his maths homework.

He said to himself,

"Two plus five, the son of a bit.. is seven.

Three plus six, the son of a bit.. is nine..."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my maths homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you

teaching my son in maths?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the sonof a bit.. is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.

Answer 5

my arabic sir !!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH MUHAHAHAHAHA.eheheheheh.................... donkey's smarter ..he sends people out of class wen asked n tells them 2 come back soon..........as if they will.hahahahah........................he put up a chart in class dint take it out even during the exam n told all nt 2 copy.hahahahahahahhh ehehehehe................he pronounces nupur as nibur...eheheeheh........mad man yeah mad man.....................he takes the help of any teacher to explain doubts..............................

read this.....i dunno whether just reading can make u laugh.u know u have 2 be there..nyways imagine this- for a skit practise half the clas is out.........it was the begining of the session so we dint have any have our textbooks.........we are lower arabics so we dont have huge lessons...........he asked us to write the lesson in our notebuk.....ehehehehe............he starts writing on the board doesen't c whether everyone is writing.and rubs it off wen hes done n starts writin somthin else......me and ma frnds were completing some other homewoks......he saw it n dint bother n asked y we were nt writing arabic.................man hes so dumb.hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhaah...... he laugh at the jokes we make on him.........eheheehehehehehheehehehehehe...

Answer 6

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I 'd like to ride in that helicopter". Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that

helicopter ride is fifty dollars -- and fifty dollars is fifty dollars".

Many years pass and Esther and Morris attend the fair every summer. This time Morris finally says, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter today, I might never get another chance."  Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars -- and fifty dollars is fifty dollars".  The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word or utter a single sound I won't charge you! But if either of you say one word or make any kind of noise, it's fifty dollars."   Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word or sound was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still no noise of any kind. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get either of you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!" Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out about 10 minutes ago, but you know -- fifty dollars is fifty dollars."