Whats the opinions on name changing?

Question

Do you think it is wrong to rename a child who is adopted? I was given a different name, but my mother and father kept my birth name as my middle name.

What do you think?

Answer 1

We [me and twin sister] were adopted at age 9 and our wonderful adoptive parents merely added their last name to ours - so we kept that part of our identity but also were legally, formally, and most importantly emotionally part of the family. I think that is the best way to do it, even though our first names are somewhat ethnic.

My best friend adopted an older child and they did the same - just tacked their surname onto the existing name of their daughter. I asked her and she is very cool with it. Now that she is 16 she has chosen a nickname and we all call her by that.

As for infant adoptions - that may be a different matter. maybe a totally new name makes no difference.

Some people I know casually stripped their new older-adopted child of her first name and gave her a "soap opera" name - very dark Hispanic child with the first name "Ashlyn." That kid acts out a lot and I wonder of the inappropriate name may be part of the puzzle.

Answer 2

I thought about this alot before I changed my son's name.  I don't think its wrong, but I do think that it really needs to be seriously thought about.  

My son was an infant when I adopted him, so he didn't identify too much with a name.  If a child is older when they are adopted, I think it should be up to the child.

I kept my son's first name because I wanted to keep what his natural mother gave him and I figured that his first name was the most important as far as sentimental reasons go...

I changed his middle name to my brother and father's first name (both the same) so he'd also have a strong male adoptive family name.  

As far as his last name, I gave him my last name.  I seriously considered changing my last name to his because I figured, why should his last name be changed...  but ultimately went with changing his last name to mine.

Answer 3

Most people are dead set against it, as it is taking away the identity.  My husband and I are giving new first names to our three children, but moving their first names to their middle names and then still calling them by their original names.  We had to do this for safety issues.  We are however giving them our last name.

Answer 4

I think it's different for every person. I think there are circumstances in which changing a child's name is appropriate (like Opedial's).

We adopted our son from foster care when he was 2-1/2. From birth he had been living with a foster family who was unable to pronounce his given name as it started with "sh" and "sh" doesn't exist in Spanish. They were Spanish speakers. Instead of calling him by his given name, they called him pet names like Babas and Baby. Because my son's given name was strange (his and all of his siblings' names were 'made up') and sounded like a girl's name, we chose to drop several of the letters from it and create a new name for him that was definitely a boy's name. He took to it right away as we started calling him by this name as soon as we met him. (We had visits with him for a month before we brought him home with us for good.) He never appeared to be confused by his new name or that we were calling him by that name, fortunately.

Our son is now 7 and he knows that he has a 'new' name. We have tried to be as honest with him about his origins as possible. I know we're doing the right thing; I just hope he agrees with that as time goes on.

Answer 5

We changed our son's first and last name. But we changed his first name from *Joe* to *Joseph* because we felt that he needed the formal name instead of the shortened version. He still goes by Joe so not much has really changed, we just thought the formal name would be better in the long run. He was almost 9 years old at the time, and we explained our reasoning to him and he was OK with it.

Answer 6

My name was changed when I was adopted at 6 months old. I had gone by my only name up until that time.

Growing up, I used to pretend my name was something different. Whenever I had dolls I named them this "certain" name, I would introduce myself as this "certain" name.

When I searched, and found, that "certain name" was my birthname.

They say we don't remember. I don't buy it. That was my name and even after it was changed and denied from 6 months on, MY BODY NEVER FORGOT. It found its way out in my everyday life.

My aparents didn't know my birthname though, nobody made the connection to the fact that I was pretending my name was the name I was given at birth because nobody knew until I found my parents / family lost by adoption.

I DON'T believe in changing names and I'll be changing mine back very soon.

Answer 7

Keep the name.

Answer 8

I don't think I would change the given name of a child old enough to know his/her name.  This question is brought up a lot among international adoptive parents, where the child's name is very ethnic and may sound very strange in America.  

My children have very ethnic names and it hasn't caused any great turmoil in school or with friends.

Answer 9

We came up with a name for our daughter prior to her birth and the biological mother loved the whole name and so this is how she was named right from the first breath. So no changing was required for us.

However, if an adoptive parent feels they must change a baby's name, for whatever reason, I would hope that they would still keep the original name as part of the child's new name.

I am against changing an older child's name except for special circumstances (ie- safety.).

Answer 10

we dont talk about it much in my family but in 1980 my mother gave up a baby at birth in an open adoption and the family changed his name either from richard james to richard scott or the other way around...... i would know today but she chose to stop the contact when he was 2

Answer 11

i think it depends on how old they are really. if they are really young (by young i mean baby under 1 year) then i don't see why not but keeping it as a middle name is nice! if the child was older and used to their name i would think it be better to keep their original name! why confuse them more? just my opinion i am not adopted so please don't take offence!

Answer 12

sure, why not rip away that very last thing they can call their own?

Answer 13

If the child is under 3 I would say ok but any older i would ask if they like there name and tell them what there new name is and if they like it then go through with it. But remember when you adopt they are yours and you are the parent so you make the decisions and you are then in the controll of there life and what they do!

Answer 14

As a birthmother.

             I don't think it's wrong to rename a child.  But I think it was out of great respect to the birthmother that they kept your birth name as a middle name.   As to keep a connection between you and your birthmother.  

        You can always change your name back when you get older . it is your choice.